


She Shall Have

by lowkeyorloki (writtenintostars), writtenintostars



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 18+, 18+ ONLY, Adult Content, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Asgard, Asgard (Marvel), Asgardian Loki (Marvel), Asgardian Reader (Marvel), Asgardian Thor (Marvel), Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Thor (2011), Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Jealous Loki (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Marvel - Freeform, Marvel Universe, Not Canon Compliant, PWP, Porn With Plot, Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Pre-Thor (2011), Protective Loki (Marvel), Reader-Insert, Self-Insert, Thor (2011) - Freeform, Vaginal Fingering, adult, consent is cool and we love it here, marvel imagine, marvel x reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:21:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 64,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22155439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenintostars/pseuds/lowkeyorloki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenintostars/pseuds/writtenintostars
Summary: No one on Asgard, save for Thor and Odin, had the power to wield the mighty  Mjolnir. That is, until you did in the marketplace as a child. Ever since then, you have been betrothed to Thor. Now that you’re finally old enough to marry and find love, you slowly realize it isn’t Thor you’re drawn to.*Now Complete*
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Loki Laufeyson - Relationship, Loki x Reader, Loki/Reader, loki imagine - Relationship, loki laufeyson imagine, loki laufeyson x reader, loki laufeyson x you, loki x you - Relationship
Comments: 466
Kudos: 987





	1. Bookish Beginnings

_Everyone was so much taller than you._

_Running in circles, trying to get away from the havoc in the marketplace, but still trying to watch their fearless prince. They knocked you down, in a place that put the scene unfolding right in your line of vision. The fallen prince, disoriented and out of breath._

_The feeling of needing to help overwhelmed you when you saw Thor alone in the middle of the crowd, hammer lost, with the army of four frost giants advancing._

_Mjolnir glinted in the corner of your eye. Without thinking, acting solely on instinct, you grabbed it and rushed forward to shove it into Thor’s grip._

_The look in his eyes was unlike any you had ever seen before, and ever seen since._

You awoke in a cold sweat, as you always did when the memory greeted you in your sleep.

It was getting better, though- despite how the memory was resurfacing, you weren’t as drenched as you had been earlier in the month.

Sighing, you looked out the window to see it was almost dawn. No use in trying to get anymore sleep. You walked into your bathroom and began to fill the tub with lukewarm water. You had barely even stepped in when your maid entered your chambers.

“Good morning.” she smiled, greeting you. _Hardly,_ you wanted to respond, but you didn’t. Your ten years in the palace had taught you to hold your tongue. You gave her a small smile.

“Morning, Alva.” you responded. You saw her eyebrows knit.

“Not the dream again.” she murmured. You nodded. She tutted, trying to lighten the mood. “Well, I don’t see why that day stresses you out so much. It’s because of those few moments you came to live in the palace.” Alva’s voice took a more playful tone. “…And led to your betrothal of the prince.”

“The prince.” you repeated. You turned to look at Alva, who had begun to brush your hair. “There are two, you know.” Alva gave you a tight smile.

“Of course!” she said. “I suppose I mean the next king. Making you the queen.” she grew slightly quieter. “We in the palace never forget about Prince Loki. I’m surprised you don’t, though. You don’t see much of him.”

“I don’t see much of either.” you admit. 

“Hmm.” Alva hands you a drying towel. “Well, Thor has his duties. But fear not, my Lady. Especially with your most recent birthday, you are in his thoughts for sure.”

As you walk to the dining hall for breakfast, you can’t help but dwell on the fact that her reassurance does exactly the opposite. 

~

Despite your birthday, and the impending promise of a wedding that came with it, there were certain things you more than appreciated about being older.

Mainly, your etiquette lessons were over. Gone were the days of learning how to stand, smile, eat, drink, speak. One would think that being worthy of Mjolnir meant you wouldn’t need schooling on being polite. Apparently, one was wrong. 

With your lessons finished, you were now free to do anything you desired until the wedding. And that was nine months away. For now, you had all the time in the world to peruse the palace, ride the horses, visit the marketplace-

And read.

The best part about the palace was undoubtedly the library. It was filled to the ceiling with books, new and old, on every single subject. 

You had discovered the library and the freedom that came with it when you were fourteen, four years after moving into the palace. It quickly became the place you spent the majority of your free time.

At some point during all your reading, stacks of three or four books began appearing in the small sitting area tucked under a staircase you had found. You still didn’t know who put them there, but they appeared every month or so, and you always looked forward to it.

You found them today in their normal spot. You counted three books, two about the history of Asgard’s battles and one a collection of short stories about princesses. 

You thumbed over the book of short stories, finding a page bookmarked. It was a story about a girl who come to the royal family similar to you: while she had been picked out of the crowd for her beauty, the manner of the situation rang true to yours. You settled into the cushions of your secret spot and began to read, allowing yourself to be lost in the world similar and yet inherently different than yours.

You were thrilled as this princess snuck out of her room every night, meeting a servant boy in the stables. She loved him, but struggled with her duty to the prince.

Before you could finish the story, you realized you were late to your meeting with Frigga. You glance down at your book.

You knew fully well Frigga would understand if you were late. Her talks with you were always light-hearted, as opposed to the ones with Odin, who endlessly picked at your character in an attempt to figure out how you were worthy of his son’s power.

But you weren’t one to take advantage of someone’s loving nature like that. You stood up, aiming to drop the book off in your chambers, but quickly realizing there wasn’t time. You would have to bring all three with you to your biweekly visit. 

As you made your way towards the balcony where you and Frigga always met, you couldn’t help but wish as though you were more like the princess in your book. You didn’t even wish for a romantic connection- not that you would mind that. But you longed for a reason to sneak around, longed for a bond. You were so lonely. 

You had thought that maybe whoever was leaving you the books could be someone to talk to, laugh with. But it was six years later, and no one had come forward. It was probably just the librarian, or keeper of records. 

You tilted your head in confusion when you found the balcony empty. Distantly, you heard Frigga’s voice, and turned to follow it. 

You found the queen in a small, somewhat secluded hallway. She was walking away from the single door, and greeted you with a smile.

“Hello, dear.” you couldn’t help but smile back at the nurturing woman. She opened her arms, and you allowed yourself a brief hug. “How have you been?” she lowered her voice. “I’ve heard you’ve been having trouble sleeping.” your heart drops at the idea of Frigga worrying over you. 

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.” you stop in the hallway and look her in the eye, reassuring her. 

“Alright.” she nods. “I believe you.”

You smile once more, and are about to say something when-

“Pardon me.” you feel a hand on the small of your back, and another on the side of your waist. “I’m sorry.” Loki says. He eyes meets yours for just a moment as he shifts you so he can slip past you in the narrow hall. “I didn’t realize quite how close you two were to my door. I can be a tad fast.” there’s a glint in his eyes, which stays as he looks down once he’s let you go. “Is that a good book, my lady?”

For a moment, you can’t speak. The places where Loki set his hands on you are warm, like he’s still holding you.

“Yes.” you finally manage. “it’s… about palace life.”

“Something not many can relate to.” Loki lets out a small laugh. “You’ll have to lend it to me when you’ve finished. Perhaps we could discuss it.”

“I… Of course.” you say.

“Two readers.” Frigga says, reminding you of her presence. “This castle will never be in need of advisors, that’s for sure.”

“Indeed.” Loki agrees with her. “Mother, if you’ll excuse me, I really must be going. I wouldn’t want to keep Thor and the Warriors Three waiting any longer.” before Loki turn around, he catches your eye on more time with a smile. “Always a pleasure, my lady.”

~

That night, for the first time in years, the second part of your memory returns.

You remember the fear you felt after giving Thor his hammer- How small and insignificant you were compared to the beings around you.

You remember someone, not entirely much older than you, sweeping you away from the battle to the edge of the crowd. Cradling your head against his chest, his body acting as a shield to all happening around you.

The raven hair, being the only thing your eyes could recognize.

_Loki._


	2. A King's Decree And A Prince's Proposition

You were restless.

It was more annoying than anything else really- being unable to sleep, focus, or enjoy anything.

You hated to admit it, though you weren’t sure why, but your thoughts kept coming back to Loki. Even after two days, the places he had touched your waist burned as though his hands had never left you.

Although, you thought at dinner one day, his hands were cooler. Cold. You eyes landed on Loki. He really did seem to be the polar opposite of Thor. Dark hair, pale, smooth, skin, seemingly attempting to blend in as opposed to drawing all attention in the room to him. Next to you, Thor was laughing and regaling the Warriors Three with tales of his feats, which they had certainly been there for. You liked Thor, that was for sure. He was sweet and good-natured.

Deep down, you just weren’t sure if you wanted to marry him.

From across the table, Loki caught your eye. He offered you a small smile, almost a smirk. How long had you been staring at him? You looked down as you felt your cheeks turn red. 

There must be something wrong with you. You had barely ever spoken with Loki. Yes, there was the time he saved you. And anytime there was a ball held, it was Loki who noticed you on the outskirts of the ball room, and entertained you with light talk.

But that was just it: Light talk. Same as everyone else in the palace, you didn’t know Loki. 

But gods, you wanted to. 

Loki was full-on smirking at you now. You stood up, quickly excusing yourself from your seat.

He was only one person who noticed. 

~

You weren’t even going to try to sleep. You returned to your chambers, opting for a quick bath before going to the library. You grabbed the book you had previously been reading, then headed to your hidden spot. You were relieved to find the library empty. Not even the keeper of books was there.

You opened the book as you nestled between the cushions, drawing your knees up in a childlike manner. You were eager to lose yourself in this story. It was all too easy to picture yourself as the heroine, yet it was fantasy enough to still be escapism. 

The princess in question felt guilty over being betrothed to the prince, but sneaking out to her stable boy. Distraught, she sought the counsel of her maid.

That was something you could never do. There was tension between you and Alva, at least on your side. You disliked how willing she was to dismiss your thoughts and feelings, and how she would only really speak to you about Thor. Come to think of it, Frigga was just about the only woman in the palace willing to speak to you. Jealousy, perhaps? You had tried to talk to Lady Sif a few times, but she never engaged. You suspected she thought you were weak and defenseless. How she could think that knowing you could wield Mjolnir, you weren’t sure. Either way, it was isolating. You felt as though you hadn’t talked to anyone your age since that day ten years ago.

This story has been going on forever. You thought, thumbing through the pages. You couldn’t seem to find where this short story ended and where the next one started.

“Mind if I join you?”

Your head whipped up at the sudden voice. Surprise, then elation, overtook you as you saw who it belonged to.

Loki stood in front of you, looking down at your quiet little nook. Alone, you could hear his breath, even and steady as he awaited an answer.

“Oh.” you shook your head. “I’m sorry, I’m a bit tired… Of course.” without waiting any longer, Loki ducked under the opening under the staircase and situated himself across from you. The area was small, and his feet pressed against yours.

“I like to read as well.” he said, gesturing to your novel. “Is that the same book I saw you with previously?”

“Oh, it’s nothing too interesting.” you say, looking down. You can feel Loki’s eyes on you.

“Come on.” his tone was light. “It must be, if it’s caught your attention. I’ve never known you to have anything to do with something boring.” you knit your eyebrows. Loki tilts his head barely to one side. “You’re not the only one who quietly observes.”

You aren’t sure what to say to that: Once again, you’re surprised, but this time it’s paired with hope. Loki had revealed he paid attention to you. 

“So?” he quips. “What is it that you like about this book so much?” you let out a small laugh.

“Well,” you begin. “…The story starts with this girl. She’s not royal, but she becomes one.”

“So you like the similarity.” Loki finishes for you. “You can relate to her.”

“Sure.” you say. “But, half the story is her life outside the palace. I envy that. I can’t just go out to the markets, or the meeting places. Too many people try to talk to me. I want to be able to just… Walk through somewhere more mundane. That’s part of why I like the library so much: It’s not as fancy as the rest of the palace.” you look at your hands. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t complain. I’m lucky I even used to know what that was like. I know you and your brother have been marveled at since you were kids.” Loki grimaces.

“No, I know it well enough. My brother, no so much. But the people of Asgard has never paid much attention to me. I’m free to do as I like, I suppose.” 

Loki doesn’t sound upset, but you can’t imagine he isn’t. As much as you were unsatisfied with your life at the moment, you didn’t have to live up to anyone.

“You have to live in his shadow.” you said. Loki looks at you with an expression you can’t quite make sense of. “I understand. People don’t know me as me. They know me as Thor’s betrothed. It’s not as bad, but…” you trail off. “For what it’s worth, Loki, I think everyone is missing out if they’re overlooking you.”

“Do you, now?” Loki smirks, for at least the fourth time that day. “Thank you. I wouldn’t have thought you felt that way. But I must say the same about you.” his eyes darken. “One of the very, very, few who can wield Mjolnir.” your stomach, for some unknown reason, sinks. “And to think, we’re squandering that away to make you a wife.” 

You blink, not sure of how to respond. Loki grins.

“But nevermind that, for now. Would you like to see what I’m reading?” Loki shows you a plain, leather-bound book. “It’s the myths the humans of Midgard tell their young. It’s quite fun. Amusing. I’ll make you a deal. When you finish your book, and I finish mine, we’ll do a switch. Sound fair?”

You don’t say anything for a moment, trying to make sense of what was happening. Slowly, Loki held out his hand.

“Alright.” you say. You shake his hand, feeling sparks spread from your fingertips and throughout your body. You pull your hand away almost as soon as you gave it to Loki, afraid that if you didn’t now, you would never convince yourself to let go.

“I’ll walk you back to your chambers.”

~

“Wake up, miss.” you sat up in bed, rubbing your eyes. They adjusted, making out the form of Alva by your bedside table. “The king has called for you.”

“Oh. Alright.” you said. Alva quickly brushed your hair, and tied up the back of your corset. 

“My lady.” she said, stopping when you were both halfway to the throne room. “I must talk with you.”

“Of course.” you instantly felt nervous, worried for Alva, wondering if she was alright. “Are you okay? Can I help you?”

“It’s not me.” she said. “I saw you walking with Prince Loki, and… I would just advise you not too.”

You couldn’t help but gape at your maid, completely taken aback by her words. 

“I would just hate to see the rest of the family grow upset with you. Prince Loki is-”

“Seemingly very misunderstood.” you finished for her. “Tread carefully, Alva. Do not insinuate things that I am doing. I am allowed to have friends. And as for the royal family-” you took a breath in. “I am part of it. I am, for all intents and purposes, Princess of Asgard. I believe it’s time you start treating me as such.”

Alva met your gaze, proud and unwavering.

“Very well.” she said. “I’ll see you tonight.” she turned and walked away, head held high and hips swaying.

You felt yourself go hot with emotion. You felt like you had been betrayed. You and Alva had never been friends, but you weren’t enemies either. 

You sighed, attempting to ease the conversation from your mind as you entered the throne room. You were somewhat surprised to see Odin, Frigga, Thor, and Loki there. 

“Child.” Odin greeted you. You bowed your head in respect. “My king.”

“Now, upon your birthday, we informed you that your lessons are over.” Frigga told you. “However, as Thor brought to our attention, you know little self-defense.” you glanced at Thor, who seemed to avoid eye contact with anyone.

“Normally, in a situation like this, we wouldn’t train you. However, given the nature of why you were accepted into the palace in the first place…” you felt yourself bristle, but tried to ignore Odin’s statement. You weren’t asked to live in the palace: It had been required after you had picked up Mjolnir. There was never even a choice. “…We’ve decided it would only be the best course of action. Starting tomorrow, Thor will start training you to wield knives and axes.” Odin finished. “That is all.” 

You watched as the brothers started to bustle out, but your words stopped them.

“Pardon me, my king.” Odin’s one eye focused in on you. “I already know how to use those.” you can practically feel the confusion in the room. “I read a book.” you explained. “And practiced in my free time.” No one speaks, there are just three pairs of eyes on you.

“I can teach her archery.” Loki breaks the silence, striding towards you. “It’s not a big deal. Thor's bride a smart girl, I’m fairly confident she would learn fast. And, father, it’s more than ideal for a woman of her standing: better have her eradicate an enemy from far away than risk the possibility of hand-to-hand combat.” you try to catch Loki’s eye, but he stares straight ahead.

Odin strokes his beard, turning to Frigga. They say a few words under their breath, then face you again. 

“Very well.” Odin tells you. “Starting tomorrow, Loki will take you for archery practice before lunch. You remember how to ride a horse, correct?”

“I… Yes, my king.” you answer.

“Good. The practice grounds are quite far. You’re dismissed.”

You try to grab Loki’s attention, but he exits the room before you can.

Begrudgingly, you begin the long wait for tomorrow before lunch.


	3. Lesson One

“You look different.” had been the first thing Loki said to you.

It wasn’t an explanation for why he had spoken up in the throne room. It wasn’t a question of whether or not you knew how to ride a horse far enough to the practice grounds. It wasn’t an insult, and certainly not a compliment.

Loki’s words were simply an observation- one that showed he noticed you, or at least how you looked, enough.

Just enough.

He was right, of course (all these years you had lived in the palace, you still had yet to see Loki be wrong). (Though perhaps it was because he rarely spoke?) .(Or because he only spoke when he was sure of what he was saying?). 

It didn’t matter. He was right, you did look different, particularly to someone who didn’t see you often: Your face had been scrubbed of the reds Alva routinely adorned your cheeks and lips with, your eyes weren’t drawn to look bigger, your hair lay in a floppy bun you had done yourself instead of an elaborate crown of braids. The most startling, though, was most likely your attire. Gone were the dresses with too many ribbons and too much lace; instead, you wore a shirt cinched at the waist with loose, long sleeves, and black pants to go with it.

You had felt comfortable in this when you had set out for the stables after breakfast. Alva, of course, gave you a look that spoke its disapproval for itself, but she always did of late. You were in your element. This was how it had been before the princes and the hammers and the palace. This was who you were, not a princess, but a commoner with a flair for adventure.

But now, standing in front of Loki, you began to feel exposed. As if you weren’t enough like him to earn his attention. As if…

As if you weren’t beautiful enough too.

You blink a few times, remembering the prince most likely wanted a response.

“Yes.” you agree. “This is what I wore when I learned how use knives, and ride horses…” you hoisted yourself up onto the saddle. Loki appeared suddenly next to you instead of his own horse.

“Careful.” he said, a smile in his voice but not quite yet his face. You wobbled a bit, and felt Loki’s fingertips touch your knee ever so slightly as he steadied you. He met your eyes with a soft gaze, holding it.

“Anyway.” you said, prompting him to return to his steed. “This is me, the warrior, not me, the princess.”

“Have you ever considered you could be both?” Loki rides up next to you, his foot almost touching your own. 

“What?” you ask, bewildered.

“I said, haven’t you ever considered you could be both?” he continues staring at you.

“I…” you tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “I haven’t really, no.” Loki clicks his tongue.

“That’s a shame.” Loki urges his horse forward, turning over his shoulder to yell, “If anyone can be it’s you!”

~

“What do you know about archery?” Loki asks as soon as the horses have been situated under a tree. You look out across the vast field, taking note of how no one was around for miles.

No one except Loki, that was. 

“Nothing.” you admit. “Just that it takes more strength than people usually think.”

“…And more concentration.” Loki nods. “Well, you already know more than most.” he drops the pouch of arrows, coming close behind you and pointing at a target over your shoulder. “This will be your target. This will be your bow.” he hands you a beautifully carved bow, then steps aside. “First, draw one arm up to your…”

And so went the next two hours. Constant trying to hit a target that seemed to be moving further and further away. You had spent the first half hour alone trying to get the arrow to stay against the bow.

“This is hopeless.” you finally say, the bright sun and feeling of defeat finally getting to you. “I think we should go. It’s been long enough; especially for a first lesson.”

“Please.” Loki raises an eyebrow. “Did it only take you a couple hours to master the knives?”

“Maybe I had a better teacher.” you say without thinking. You regret your words instantly, bringing a cramped hand up to cover your mouth.

Loki laughs, uncrossing his arms and stepping in close.

“You have spirit, sweet girl.” the sudden nickname makes your stomach drop, your mouth so dry you aren’t sure what to say. “It’s nice to know the family hasn’t beaten it out of you.”

Loki brings a hand to your shoulder, pressing it down before his hand glides across your bicep.

“Relax.” he murmurs, his breath on your neck. “You’re much too high strung… let your arm be looser… look at your target.”

You can practically feel the air leave your body when Loki lays his other palm on your stomach, meeting your eyes and letting his hand lay flat.

“Breathe.” he tells you. You don’t say anything, you don’t move one bit. You just stare back into Loki’s eyes, completely unaware of what you should do. His touch feels like ice and fire all at once, your mind running to Loki’s thumb, closest to your breasts, and his little finger, closest to your.. “I said breathe.” he repeats. He was smirking.

You feel your cheeks redden, and let out the breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“There you go.” Loki nods. “Now release.”

Eyes on Loki, you allow the string of the bow to leave your fingers. Had Loki not said anything, you would have forgotten to check and see if you were successful.

“Good job.” Loki sounds sincere. “I’ve never seen anyone hit the target on their first day.” Loki’s eyebrow is ever so quipped as he speaks to you.

“Thank you.” you manage. “That… felt good.”

“I’m glad.” Loki glances at the sun. “It’s getting to be time to head back. I’ll gather the tools if you ready the horses.”

After that, Loki doesn’t say or look at you for the rest of the ride. He doesn’t acknowledge you at dinner, except to inform Odin that you were “a fast learner” and an “ideal pupil”. He skips the reading session you’ve come to expect in the library.

You fall asleep when your head hits the pillow. Alva comments that a day out in the sun would do this to you, but you know this is going to be the type of tired sleep can’t fix.


	4. Convoluted Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. I'm now planning to update this story every Saturday. However, I have a Loki fanfiction blog on tumblr. It's thelokiimaginechronicles, and I am now posting about once a week there! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, and I am pumped to be getting back to this story.

And so begins your new routine.

You wake up, bathe quickly, and eat a small breakfast. You've picked up an archery book, and you read that every morning until it's time to meet Loki at the stables.

"A fast learner" and "an ideal pupil" was what Loki had called you two nights before. Unsure of whether he was lying to Odin for your sake or telling the truth, you figured some extra reading on the subject wouldn't hurt you either way. You found yourself wanting to live up to Loki's word, wanting to have earned your time with him.

Loki was kind, a good teacher. He talked with you while riding to and from practice, about his adventures he shared with Thor. It was interesting to hear tales so well-known from the other brother's perspectives. You discovered Loki was one of two extremes in battle: close combat, with the two daggers he kept on his person at all times, or cautiously riding on the sidelines, arrows and bow in hand.

"We'll have to spar soon. See if you really have mastered knives." Loki tells you on the fourth day. He grins, and your cheeks flush.

When your lessons end, you don't see Loki for hours. But then, after your dinner with the whole of the royal family, he meets you in the library to read. Loki seems to find a new nook or cranny every visit. There usually aren't any words spoken between you during these times, but there have been a few occurrences when Loki has pointed to one of the illustrations in his books. You trace the line work with your fingertips, and Loki's will brush yours. It's brief.

You draw your hand back, and Loki will hold your gaze for just moment. 

Then he will go back to reading, silent as ever,

~

You awake, eager to start your day.

As you're pulling your hair into its usual bun, you find yourself smiling. Even humming a tune? Your new daily lesson has heightened your mood. To listen and be listened to was something that had scarcely happened since you arrived in the palace. You looked forward to your time with Loki every day. He was unlike anyone else in the palace. Sharp-witted, silver-tongued, unwavering in his beliefs. 

How long had your lessons been taking place now? More than a week, but certainly not more than a month. You were having such a good time, you lost track.

Giving yourself one last glance in your mirror, you exit your room and make your way towards the stables. You look down for a moment, making sure you've laced your boots, and your shoulder collides with something solid.

"Alva." your maid has dropped a basket of cloth. You kneel, attempting to help her gather what has fallen. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there."

"It's fine." the older girl's voice is clipped. "Don't!" she says when you pick up a garment. It's dark, and you can tell it's lace by the texture. "These are my personal belongings. I don't need your help." 

"O- Okay." you say, and even you can hear the defeat in your voice. Alva stuffs everything back in the basket. 

"You don't want to keep Prince Loki waiting." she tells you. "In my experience, he's quite impatient."

You open your mouth to question her, but Alva walks away so fast she doesn't give you a chance. A bit disgruntled, you find Loki next to his usual horse. There's more bags than usual, and the prince raises his eyebrows in acknowledgement when he sees you.

"I thought I would pack a lunch for today." he tells you. "Get out of the castle for a bit. I trust that's all right with you?"

Normally, you would have been upset about someone making decisions for you. That was what Odin had been doing for the past ten years. But you sensed it was different with Loki. Where Odin commanded you do his bidding because he was king, Loki made assumptions based on something he thought you would appreciate. 

"Yes." you answered. "I'd like that."

When lunch rolls around, your shoulders ache from hours of work. You're thankful when Loki says it's time to stop. He fetches a blanket from his tack bag, and hands you a knapsack as he lays the blanket over the grass.

"It's a meager meal, and I haven't brought any silverware. I hope it doesn't bother you." he apologizes. You let out a small laugh, settling down next to him.

"No." you say. Loki has packed bread with cheese and some type of meat. "It's funny. I've lived in the palace for ten years, but I'm still not used to the grandiose of it all." 

"What do you mean?" he asks, taking a bite of his makeshift sandwich. You shrug.

"It's just... The gowns, the silk sheets, the servants waiting you. Fresh and heavy food. Wine or mead with every meal. It's living in luxury. Just different from how I lived before."

"Do you enjoy it?" Loki asks, deadpan. You swallow.

"It would be selfish to say otherwise. It is an honor to be here."

"Hey." Loki's hand lands atop your own. His voice is deep, and his face is suddenly so serious you find yourself frozen. "You don't have to do this around me." he murmurs. His thumb moves up and down, over your knuckles. "I know how demanding palace life is. And I'm well aware of the expectations you are forced to meet. But I have just once requirement from you, sweet girl." there's that nickname again. Inside your boots, your toes clench. "Don't lie to me. I'll always be able to tell, that I can promise."

Loki's hand leaves yours, and you instantly miss it. 

"I'll ask again. Do you enjoy it?" under the sun, Loki's hair appears more blue than black. You find it distracting.

"I don't know." you admit. "I feel stifled. Like I'm wearing a mask, or acting out a role in a play. I just want to please everyone, or at least not disappoint them." Loki nods.

"And do you wear that mask around me?" You twist a blade of grass around your finger, finding it hard to meet Loki's eyes.

"No." you finally say. 

He looks forward at the meadow, seemingly content with your reply. 

"Loki? May I ask you something?" the god looks at you expectantly. "Does Odin hate me?" your voice wavers, and you're embarrassed. You look at the sun, eager to have an excuse for if your eyes begin to water.

"Oh, darling." Loki's tone is unlike you've ever heard it before, soft. "It... It is not personal. He's furious someone can wield such a powerful weapon. He prides himself on Thor. His first-born. Thor is meant to be the strongest being in all the nine realms, unmatched by both power and virtue. You are a threat to that." You detect a hint of bitterness in Loki's voice at the mention of Thor, but decide not to question it. It's not your place.

"He has plans for me." you state.

"He has plans to keep you controlled. He could have made you a warrior, but he is making you a wife. Is that really what you want?"

You knit your eyebrows, shake your head at Loki's statement. His words are harsh, perhaps even conniving. 

"I don't know what I want. Do you?"

"Of course." Loki's answer is immediate. 

"And what's that?" you question him. Loki's eyes glint.

"Everything." he says.

Then he smiles wickedly.

~

There was a knock at your door.

Your eyes flew open, bleary with sleep. No one ever knocked at your door. In fact, no one ever came through it except for you and Alva.

You get out of bed, briefly stopping at your mirror to smooth down your hair. Noticing the length of your nightwear, you scrambled around until you found a silk robe to tie around yourself. As you neared the door, you found your heart beginning to pound.

Would it be Loki? What would he be doing this early? What would he want from you at your bedchambers? You take a breath as you grasp the doorknob, trying to clear your thoughts.

"Hello." the voice boomed as you opened the door. 

Thor.

"Hi." you greeted him back. Thor was smiling, but the way he moved his hands, lacing and unlacing his fingers, clued you in. The future king of Asgard was nervous. 

You shared the same nervous tick.

"Thor. Um, what can I do for you?" Thor's smile grows bigger, and he runs a large hand through his hair.

"I was hoping we could dine. In the gardens, perhaps? I would love to speak with you."

You blink in surprise. Never had Thor ever asked to talk. 

"Of course. Let me just... Let me just get dressed." you stutter. Thor's eyes widen. 

"Of course! I'm sorry my lady, I shouldn't have come so early-"

"It's fine." you assure him. "I'll be out soon, just wait here."

Alva isn't around yet, so you dress in a simple yet ladylike pink dress. You braid your hair, figuring that would be more acceptable than bedhead.

The walk to the gardens is short, but painful. Thor doesn't say a word the whole way, and you can tell something is off.

"I want to apologize." he says as soon as you sit on one of the marble benches. You raise your eyebrows, confused. "I'm sorry if I offended you at all when I expressed my concern to my father." you must still seem like you have no idea what Thor is talking about, so he explains further. "...About training. I had no idea you had done some on your own. It was not my intention to make you seem any less capable than you are."

"Oh." you say. "Thor, there's nothing to apologize about. We don't see each other often. It makes sense you wouldn't know. I won't hold that against you." you comfort him.

"Good. That's good." Thor already looks like he's feeling better. "But... My brother. Loki isn't giving you any trouble, is he? He can be sneaky, that one."

In spending so much time with Loki, you had forgone many interactions with those around the castle. Blissfully, you had forgotten the opinions others held. Thor's words went straight to your heart, making it heavy on Loki's behalf.

"No, he's a perfect gentleman." you say, truthfully. Thor lets out a belly laugh at this.

"Gentleman. Now there's a word you don't hear often with regards to Loki. But, if all's well, all's well, right? I hope you two get along. He will be your brother-in-law someday after all." 

"Right." you nod. "I guess he will be."

~

That night, Alva tugs your hair while she braids it. It hurts, but you say nothing.

You just grit your teeth instead.


	5. Angry Unions

It was different between you and Loki today.

He hadn't even acknowledged you this morning, he simply mounted his horse when he saw you. Your steed was smaller, unable to keep pace, and you found yourself several yards behind Loki on your ride to the meadow you trained in.

He said nothing to you, save for "fix your posture". Apparently, you were slouching.

Your muscles burned anytime you reached towards your back for another arrow. An hour in, and you had yet to hit any target. You found yourself anxious, fidgeting under Loki's dark mood.

You pull an arrow back, and just as you're about to release it, you feel a sharp sting on your back. You yelp, jumping, and face Loki.

"Did you just strike me?" you ask, bewildered. Loki's expression remains harsh. You want to reach up, smooth out the lines.

"You aren't listening." he tell you calmly. "Fix. Your posture."

"You cannot hit me!" you exclaim.

"I can do whatever I please!" Loki yells, and you shrink back. "I am your teacher, and you are my student. I am free to use whichever methods I deem appropriate. You aren't responding to my instruction, so perhaps you will respond to discipline." you shake your head. What was he doing? This wasn't the Loki you had come to know. You felt small, helpless.

You drop your bow on the grass, taking your quiver off and giving it the same treatment. You want to say something, but you don't know what. Clenching your fists, you walk towards the horses.

"Where are you going?" Loki asks. You reach the tree where the animals are tied up. You don't answer. "The lesson is not over yet." Loki appears, one hand on either side of your head, pinning you against the tree. You stare at him, furious. 

"Get off." you tell him. Loki chuckles, but his smile doesn't reach his eyes. You squirm, acutely aware of the power dynamic between the two of you.

"No." Loki is so close, and his smell envelops you. Old books and pine. You turn your face, unwilling to look at him. You can feel Loki's breath against your neck.

He lets his arms down.

"Look at me." he commands. You don't. "Look at me." he repeats himself, this time with more force. You find yourself facing the dark-haired prince, his fingers hooked under your chin and keeping you in place. 

"What is going on?" you swallow, willing the lump in your throat to go away. Slowly, it does, as your shock is replaced with anger. 

"Your posture is atrocious." Loki answers. You scoff. Your mind is racing, feelings of betrayal and disappointment running rampant. What had you expected? Loki was the god of mischief. The less favorable prince, one who stuck to the shadows to wreak havoc. He wasn't spending time with you because he enjoyed your company, or even because he pitied you. It was entertainment, all of it.

"I suppose I should let it go." he continues. You do your best to block out the man's words, despite his closeness. "I wouldn't want to cause you any trouble now, would I?"

You freeze. Realization dawns on you as you connect the dots, and you feel a wave of shame wash over you.

"Loki." emotion flashes through his eyes when you say his name. It's gone as soon as it arrives, quickly reverting back to a guarded gaze. You feel your stomach sink. "You heard Thor."

"I saw the two of you as well. The gardens are a romantic spot. Perhaps that's where you will wed."

"Stop it." you tell him. "You don't understand." you put your hand over Loki's wrist. His grip on your chin loosens. "I didn't agree with him. I defended you, Loki, I promise. I spoke my truth."

Loki takes a breath, looking down at you. You would give anything to know what he was thinking, but you couldn't get a read on him. Not even his body language gave any secrets away.

"And what was that?" you take a shaky breath.

"That you're no trouble. The opposite, even. You're a gentleman." you reach forward, cupping Loki's cheek in your palm. Your heart skips a beat when he leans into it, rubbing his face against your hand. His skin is so soft, free of any facial hair and illuminated by the sun. You stroke your thumb over Loki's cheekbone, and he drops his own hand down to his side. "Tell me I'm lying." you whisper. "Look at me and say it. And then you can do anything. Yell at me, berate me. Stop our lessons. But only if you know I'm withholding the truth." Loki steps away, out of your embrace. A cry of protest builds in your throat, but you keep it in.

"I'm not a gentleman." he says. "I can be downright cruel, as you've just seen. What do you make of that?" 

You blink.

"Everyone has bad days."

"Darling. I don't need your pity." Loki is watching you, and he looks hungry. You shiver.

"What do you need?" you ask, unable to look up.

"Do not ask questions in which you are unprepared for the answer." he says, voice deep.

"You underestimate me." you challenge Loki back. "I'm sick of it. No one knows what I'm capable of."

"Do you even know, sweet girl?" Loki steps towards you, his chest almost touching your own. "Isn't that what you're here for?" your throat is dry, but there's a surge in your chest that keeps you going.

"I'm here to learn." you breath. Loki smiles, all teeth.

"Learn what?" 

You don't say anything. While your anger, your impatience, is still hot within you, you lean forward and press your lips against Loki's. Repressing any second thoughts or embarrass, you close your eyes, allowing yourself to focus on his plush, soft lips and forget everything that just happened.

You may have been the to initiate, but Loki quickly takes control. He kisses you back in such a searing way it's impossible not to match his ferocity. He leans into you, slipping his tongue into your mouth and exploring every bit of it there is, as if he's making note of what you like for the future. The kiss quickly isn't enough, and Loki grabs you by the waist and lifts you. You make a surprised noise, but it's lost in Loki's embrace. You wrap your legs around Loki's waist, and he presses you back up against the tree.

You pull back, trying to catch your breath, but it doesn't come. Loki take the opportunity to kiss your neck. He scrapes his teeth along your throat, nipping and teasing your sensitive skin all the way. His forehead presses against yours, and Loki unties the thin shirt you're wearing. Loki is intoxicating, ghosting his lips over your neck until they reach the side of your collarbone. There, he begins to suck and kiss your skin. Your head falls back, hitting the tree with a thunk, but you don't feel it. A moan escapes your lips, and you thread your fingers through Loki's hair in encouragement. Your free hand grips his shoulder, so hard you wouldn't be surprised if you ripped his shirt. 

Your pants fill the air, as well as the sound of Loki's mouth on your skin. You clutch him to you, trying to take in every sensation you're feeling, because you not sure if you'll feel them again. It's unlike anything you have ever felt, so many of your senses stimulated and completely focused on Loki. When he draws away, your body protests the sudden absence, begging you to surrender every inch of yourself to him.

Loki runs his tongue over the marks he's just make on your chest and sets you down, his hands remaining on your waist and grounding you. His hair is messy, a result of your fingers, and his lips are reddened. He smiles.

Just like that, the weight of your actions begin to settle, and you realize the consequences of what you have done. Your heart begins to pound against your ribcage, and you feel as though you may throw up. Loki must notice, because he wraps his arms around you.

"Don't." he murmurs. "Don't shrink into yourself. Stay with me. No need to be shy now." 

"I can't... I've just... But Thor." you meet Loki's eyes, your own wide and your cheeks burning. "Odin will kill me." you whisper. 

"No." Loki sounds confident. "No one has seen us out here, and no one will. I will not tell Thor, or my father. Will you?" you shake your head. Loki combs his fingers through your hair, murmuring into your ears. He must be speaking a different language, because you don't understand a word of what he's saying. You feel calmed nevertheless, taking in the surprisingly affectionate act. 

Loki trails his fingers up and down your spine, being especially gentle with the area he had struck earlier. The action is so slow, so light, you find it lulling you to sleep.

"I think we should return to the castle now." you say in a small voice.

"Whatever you wish." Loki says. "You need only ask. I would have kissed you months ago, had you simply let me know you desired it."

"I didn't." you say, to which Loki raises an eyebrow, over-confident. You bite your lip. "This isn't just another one of your games, is it Loki?"

Loki chuckles, unhitching the horses and summoning your training supplies with his magic.

"Everything is."


	6. The Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six! I know I said I would update Saturdays, but as I'm getting back into this story, I want to post as I'm inspired. I hope everyone enjoys. Do you have a favorite part yet? Let me know if you do!

Your stomach won’t seem to settle. 

It’s a mix, of excitement and anticipation, nervousness and anxiety. 

Loki said he would have kissed you months ago if he had known that was what you wanted. Did that mean you had caught his eye before all this? That he was watching you this whole time, wanting to know you?

You shouldn’t flatter yourself. Loki most likely just desired your physicality. Not to mention, you would, in theory, be the only person in all of Asgard who was forbidden to him. It’s not like any other maidens were to marry Loki’s own brother. Loki clearly had a heart, and emotions within it, but he still loved a challenge. He wasn’t called a trickster for no reason.

But if all Loki wanted was you in his bed, surely he wouldn’t have gone through all the trouble of archery lessons and reading sessions. He must not think you would be immune to his looks, his charm, his forbiddeness. Overall, the only thing that set you apart from any other women in the castle was that you could wield Mjolnir. You weren’t so different, so why was Loki’s approach?

You wondered if he held all his conquests close to his chest, whispering into their ears, as he did with you. You wouldn’t claim to know Loki inside and out, but something told you he didn’t. A smile begins to form on your lips at the thought of the act being reserved just for you, but you push it away. You can’t get your hopes up.

Looking in the mirror that hung across from your bed, you drag your fingers over the love bites Loki left on you. There were three, two on your collarbone and one on your neck. You thanked the stars that they could all be covered- the one on your neck was the most obvious, but with some effort, it could be hidden.

You closed your eyes. I will not tell Thor, or my father. Loki’s words echoed in your ears. They implied he planned to continue… whatever this was with you. 

You wanted nothing more than that. To feel Loki’s hands on you again, for his lips to press against yours. You remember how he made you feel, euphoric and unraveled. You want to make him feel that way too. Please him, take care of him. Your months of talking had made you well aware Loki received little affection. He never said so out loud, and he didn’t need to. You could tell from his tone, from the way he perked up when you asked a question that made it clear you were listening to what he was saying. You could tell from the way Loki was largely ignored in favor of Thor, at both family functions and social interactions alike. In a way, even you were treated in higher respect than Loki. Sure, you were ignored like him. But no one would dare insult the future queen of Asgard. Loki, on the other hand, was the butt of many jokes amongst Thor’s friends.

To Thor’s credit, he never partook in the banter. But the blond-haired prince never made a move to stand up for his brother either. 

The two of you lived in his shadow.

You roll over onto your side, willing yourself to fall asleep. You didn’t want Loki in your head, he made you tired, all the while keeping you awake at the same time. There were too many thoughts and worries running through your mind. 

Sleep clearly didn’t come to you that night, because before you know it, the doors to your bedroom are opening and Alva walks in.

“Good morning, miss.” she greets you. Your maid quickly does a double take, eyeing you up and down. “Did you not change into your sleep clothes last night?” she asks.

You look down, and see that you’re still in your archery outfit from the previous day.

“Oh.” you rub your eyes. “I suppose not.” you admit. Alva purses her lips, but makes no further comment. 

“Well, you better get ready quick my lady. I’ll pour the water for your bath right now.”

“Get ready for what?” you ask, stifling a yawn. Alva stills.

“Your test. It’s time again.”

Your throat suddenly dries. Is it really today? Already? You felt as though the event had just taken place.

You curse, the words feeling unfamiliar but very appropriate in your mouth, and rush past Alva and into your bathing area.

“How much time do I have?” you ask, trying to avoid panic. 

“Quarter of an hour.” Alva responds. You rake your fingers through your hair.

“Don’t bother with hot water. I’ll bathe in cold.” 

That’s just what you do, shivering as you wash yourself as quick as you can. For once, you’re thankful for Alva as she picks out a lavish dress, one that pleases the eye but will also allow you to move freely. She laces it tight around you, and manages to fix your hair despite its dampness.

“Thank you.” you tell her, and mean it. She nods in response, and you rush out your door and to the throne room where Thor is waiting.

“My lady.” he says, concerned. “You had me worried.”

“You and me both.” you bend over, catching your breath. By the time you’ve stood back up, the anxiousness you have over being tardy has subsided, but not your displeasure at the ceremony that is about to commence. In your mind, you begin to fret, a helpless feeling threatening to consume you.

“I must go.” Thor places a hand on your shoulder. It’s comforting, and you look into his eyes. “I will see you in there. You have nothing to fear, you never do.”

Thor walks away, and you count to ten under your breath. When you reach the number, you wait a few moments more, then follow him.

The throne room is a symbol of power for the royal family. Odin sits on the most regal throne, arms resting over the ornate armrests. Frigga sits close by, with Loki and Thor next to her. The brothers stand with their hands folded. Loki is stoic, watching you with the same expression as everyone else.

You bite your lip. You never understood why all four of them had to observe you. It was nerve-wracking, and placed even more pressure on you. You swallowed.

“Your majesties.” you bow to your king and queen, and dip your head towards the princes. There is no acknowledgement on the family’s part, save for Frigga giving you a brief smile. It does something to calm you.

Odin beckons to his first-born, his one eye never leaving you. Thor rises, making his way to the middle of the room, weapon in hand. He stops just in front of you, and places Mjolnir on the ground.

“Nothing to fear.” he reminds you in a quiet voice. You give him a nod.

Once Thor has returned to his place, Odin clears his throat.

“We gather, as we do every four months, to observe Thor’s future wife wield Mjolnir. To ensure nothing has changed, and that she remains worthy for the role of future queen. Child,” you listen intently, despite having heard this speech so many times before. “...Should you succeed, you will keep your title and residence in our halls. But should you fail, you will return to your family, and never speak to anyone in the palace again. Do you understand?” 

“Yes, your majesty.” you struggle to meet Odin’s gaze, so you look at the middle of his forehead instead. It will have the same effect.

“Very well.” Odin looks to the guards at the doors behind you. “You may commence. And for everyone in attendance, let it be known: Should our guest hold the hammer…” silence hangs over the halls, no one daring to so much as move a muscle. “She shall have the power of Thor.”

With that, the Allfather sits, the sound of his armor against his throne echoing off the halls.

You sink slightly, your fingertips brushing over the handle of Mjolnir. It’s still slightly warm from Thor’s hold on it. You feel an overwhelming urge to run, to leave the palace of your own accord. No banishment, no outside force making the decision. Complete control over your own future. 

No fear, no hidden feelings, no expectations. 

You close your eyes.

Your hand grips the handle, the brown leather wrapped around it familiar to the touch.

You pull.

It’s interesting- Odin and Thor are the only men who can wield this hammer. Foes much stronger than you have lost their lives attempting to use it, and the tales that surround the weapon’s making making are both violent and legendary.

But in your hand, Mjonlir feels even lighter than a quill. It’s almost as if you’re holding an eggshell, one that even a chick is strong enough to overpower. 

Relief washes through you. 

Almost as soon as you have picked it up, Odin is there, tugging Mjolnir from your grasp and giving it back to its rightful owner.

“You are free to leave.” he says, back facing you.

You waste no time doing so, thanking the guards as they open the doors for you. Daring yourself to look back over your shoulder, to find Loki’s eyes.

You can’t summon the courage. 

When you get back to your room, you lean against your door, sighing as you find solace in your chambers. You almost yelp when you hear a voice.

“Well, darling.” Loki leans against one of your bedposts, arms crossed over his chest. “Glad to have gotten that out of the way, aren’t we?”


	7. Alternative Relaxations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday! This chapter took me awhile, and I'm super excited to share it with y'all. Be sure to comment so you can tell me what you think!

“Loki.” you say. As always, the man looks pristine: His hair was curled, but perfectly placed, and his clothes are somehow different from just minutes before in the throne room. Wearing a simple white shirt and fitted pants, Loki looks so... safe. After what happened, you have no interest in seeing extravagant robes or golden details. Everytime you prove you can still wield Mjolnir, all you ever want is to pretend you aren’t in the castle. Dressed plainly, Loki seems ordinary. You feel the urge to run to him, to be held in his arms and forget about the title you just secured.

“What are you doing here?” you ask. As much as you desired Loki’s touch, chances were it wouldn’t come easily. You lacked the energy for both games and pretending after today’s events. 

Loki feigns looking hurt, then stands, reminding you of his height. 

“Sweet girl,” he walks towards you, taking your hand in his. “I only wanted to check on you.” he rubs your hand against his cheek, then takes the time to kiss the pads of your fingertips. His lips are soft and gentle, and you can already feel the walls you’ve put up to defend yourself coming down. Damn Loki. Damn him and his looks, his silver tongue. Your eyes begin to close, but you force them to stay open. “We missed you at dinner the other night.” Loki runs his thumbs under your eyes. “You seem tired, love. I hope I’m not the cause of your lost sleep.” Loki’s gaze is gentle, but firm. “Surely I haven’t scared you off already.”

Loki with his nicknames. And his perceptiveness. He could read you like no other, pull answers out of your mouth when you didn’t necessarily want him to.

“No.” you whisper. “I’ve just been thinking.”

“Therein lies your fault.” Loki leans in, beginning to pepper kisses as far down your chest as your dress will let him. Despite your better judgement, you welcome the touch, bringing your hands up to Loki’s sides. You can feel him smile against your skin. “You think too much.” Loki presses a kiss to your forehead when he says this, then pulls you into his chest in a warm embrace. “You must get out of your head, darling.” 

You hug Loki, arms over his shoulders, and scoff.

“How am I supposed to do that?” you ask, not really expecting an answer. 

Loki’s initial response is non-verbal. He picks you up, swiftly moving away from the door and further into your chambers. You gasp at the sudden movement and clutch Loki tighter, hearing him take an amused breath in.

You worry for a moment Loki is going to set you on your bed, unsure of whether you can handle the implications the action would have. As if he can read your mind, Loki sits on your couch instead, positioning himself in such a way you find yourself having to straddle him if you want to remain upright. 

“I have a few ideas.” he murmurs, his cool hands on your waist. Loki’s hand rises, and he traces your lips with his finger. He then reaches behind you, pulling pin after pin from your hair until it falls down. With his hand already on the back of your neck, Loki has no trouble pulling you in for a kiss.

The embrace starts out slow and pleasant, with Loki cradling your head and languidly parting your lips. His tongue enters your mouth, and you let out a moan, your eyes falling closed. 

Loki’s hands begin to move from your waist to your hips, up and down as he traces the curve of your body. Eventually, his fingers catch the bottom of your dress, which was already ridden up well over your thighs.

You draw away, eyes meeting Loki as he pulls your dress higher, inch by agonizing inch.

In his eyes, you can tell Loki is looking for your answer. You swallow, nodding at him, and raise your hands over your head so Loki can rid you of your clothes in one fluid motion. 

You almost regret it, the cold air and embarrassment hitting you at the same time. No one has ever seen you like this, save for Alva and a few other maids. You feel the air in your room change, and not even your breaths or Loki’s fill the silence.

Loki gazes at you lustfully, mapping out every inch of your naked body with his eyes. He presses his index finger just above your navel, then brings it up and he outlines the curve of your breasts, traces each of your ribs. He then repeats the motion with his tongue, causing a mewl to escape from your mouth. You grasp Loki’s shoulders to steady yourself, and burrow your face in the crook of his neck.

Your hips buck, and you almost cry out when Loki’s mouth latches over your nipple. He flicks your sensitive bud with his tongue, and your nails dig into the thin shirt that separates Loki’s flesh from your own.

You pull back, panting as you tuck pieces of hair behind your ears. Loki looks at you expectantly, rubbing his thumbs in circles over the bones of your hips. 

“Feeling better?” he asks, his voice deeper and his eyes blown out.

You trace the arches of Loki’s eyebrows, the bridge of his nose. Loki manages to catch your finger in his mouth, never breaking eye contact as he sucks and adores you.

“Wait.” you stop him. You play with the hem of Loki’s shirt lightly. You don’t even need to say anything, he understands, and strips the garment off to toss aside.

You’re filled with want and pure adoration at the sight of Loki’s bare chest. You always had thought he would be lithe, having observed the trickster stand next to Thor so much. But seeing him in front of you, you could tell now you were wrong. While he wasn’t as big as Thor, Loki was broad and muscular. Your eyes were hungry, and took in the curve of his abs, the definition of his chest. 

You splay your palms over Loki’s milky chest, and swear you feel his heart speed up under your palm. Your lips ghost over Loki’s collarbone, then kiss the areas of Loki’s neck where he had left marks on your own. Loki hums, spurring you on and giving you the courage to nip at his sensitive skin. Loki grips your hair as you do this, and you can feel him tense under you.

Your attention doesn’t stay on Loki’s neck long. You quickly take to running your palms all over Loki’s torso. You want to create a picture of this moment in your mind, map Loki out as if he were yours and yours alone. You trace his abs, running your fingers in and out of every dip you can find.

It’s not enough. You’re being lecherous, but from the way Loki is reacting, you know it’s not unwelcome. You lower your head, and when you glance back up at Loki, he is a sight to behold. His pupils are dilated, his lips parted and he observes your each and every action. 

“Now darling.” he begins, voice strained. “I would not recommend you do something-” you don’t give Loki the opportunity to finish his thought. You flick your tongue out, then trail it up the middle of his stomach, stopping only once you reach his adam’s apple. Loki groans immediately, his head falling back behind him. His hands reach your ass, touching you where no one ever has before. You squeeze your eyes shut, biting Loki’s shoulder so he can’t have the satisfaction of hearing your moan again. 

“So shy.” he tuts, but Loki’s composure is, like yours, somewhat compromised. He shifts, pinning your back on the couch and towering over you. Your chest heaves, knowing Loki is going to make you pay for what you just did. Your body aches as anticipation builds inside of you. “What’s running through your mind? If you think so much,” Loki’s lips connect with your sternum, and you can tell there will be a mark later. “You may as well tell me.”

Your throat is dry, it’s as if all of your abilities have gone left for favor of euphoria. Your back arches, head pressed against the armrest of the couch.  
“Ah.” you can hear the smile in Loki’s voice. You keep your eyes closed. “Do you know what I’ve imagined of you doing? Envisioned us doing together?” Loki fingers tickle the inside of your thighs. “Ever since our lessons… I’ve come up with many scenarios like this, schemed about how I would get you within my grasp.” Loki’s fingers left a warm feeling wherever they traveled on your body. Any remembrance of the day’s events were completely gone now, all of your focus on the man above you. “Who could have known you had so much passion?” Loki’s fingers run all the way up your thigh, and stop mere centimeters from your core. You can’t help it, you let out a whimper. “What is it that you desire now?” Loki’s fingers rub against you, slipping in between your folds. You jolt, your fingers raking down his biceps.

The pressure isn’t enough, Loki gives you only what you need to be driven mad with want. 

“Darling.” Loki coos in your ear. “Despite what the rumors say, I can’t read minds. If you aren’t willing to tell me what you want, the very least you could do is beg.”

You finally open your eyes, and Loki is smirking, having fully regained control of the situation. Your body quivers under his, and you find yourself unable to hold out any longer. Surely blushing, you open your mouth to respond.

“Please.” you manage. “Please, Loki.” Loki kisses your reddened cheeks, his hair tickling your nose.

“There now. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Loki enters you with one finger, slow and confident. You yelp, hips jolting, but Loki’s other hand is there to keep you grounded. “Ssh. It’s alright.” he coos, a second finger entering you with the same suddenness as the first. Pleasure blooms throughout your sex, spreading well into your stomach and all the way down your thighs. Your breath speeds up, and another cry builds in your throat. Loki’s fingers move inside you, stroking and caressing until they find the spot that makes your vision blur. 

You feel intoxicated, and Loki is adamant as he builds a feeling of indescribable pleasure in you, denying you of release just before you unravel.

“It’s alright.” he repeats, sounding unbearably sweet. You pant, grasping Loki so hard you worry you’re hurting him. One of your hands tangles in his raven hair, and you moan right next to his ear. Loki’s fingers circle and stroke deep within, and you feel yourself being driven closer and closer to the edge. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes, but you don’t let them. Finally, the coil inside you snaps, and you pulse against Loki as you ride out your orgasm, your cries somewhat muffled into the crook of his neck.

Aftershocks consume your body, and Loki gathers you against his chest and holds you for some time as you remain limp. He strokes your hair, whispering about how beautiful you were, keening and writhing under his touch.

“So gorgeous.” he kisses the side of your mouth, cupping your face in his hands. Your head falls against his chest, mind spinning at everything that’s just happened.

“Loki-” you begin, but he cuts you off.

“Not now.” he stands, causing you to as well. “You need to sleep, sweet girl. You’ve had quite a day.”

As soon as Loki says so, you realize just how exhausted you are. Heeding Loki’s advice, you slip under the covers. Your eyes are heavy, but you manage to keep them open so you can watch as Loki tugs his shirt back over his head and walks towards the door.

“Sleep well.” he tells you, then silently leaves.

You want to stay up, replay what happened with Loki over and over again. But you drift to sleep as soon as the prince leaves, plagued with no nightmares or dreams of any sort.


	8. Maternal Insights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, happy Saturday! This chapter is largely plot, and for that reason, I'm doing a double update! I hope you like the chapters that are in store for you today. As always, let me know what you like and what (or who!) you don't!

You wouldn’t be seeing Loki today.

Most of you was relieved. Last night had been welcome, and amazing- but unexpected. You needed time away from him, wrap your head around everything that had transpired between the two of you throughout the past week.

And besides, the reason you weren’t seeing him was because you were dining with the queen.

Before Loki, Frigga felt like your only ally in the castle. She welcomed you with open arms from the moment you stepped foot in the halls, giving you gentle smiles, words of encouragement, and warm embraces when you needed it. 

Your own thoughts made you scoff. Loki wasn’t an ally. He was your…

Your…

This was exactly why you needed space.

You prepare the water for your bath, letting your muscles and mind relax. You retreat into your thoughts, indulging in a few hours of laziness. There’s a book you leaf through, and a lit candle. You hold your hand over the flame a few times, drawing away just before it can burn you. 

You’re wrapped in a warm towel and facing your closet when Alva walks in. 

“Do you need help my lady?” she asks. No formal greeting, but her tone is light. 

“No.” you respond. “I’ll be leaving soon. Out of your hair.” you try to joke, thinking maybe after the previous afternoon’s exchange Alva would be less confrontational. 

Wishful thinking, you realize as she responds with a curt laugh. For a moment, it reminds you of Loki. But even he showed the odd act of kindness. And besides, Loki was polite, sometimes painfully so. Alva did not share that trait.

“Let me.” Alva picks out a long red dress, laying it out on your bed. “For your future husband.” she explains. Her eyes flicker to your neck, and you aren’t fast enough to cover the marks left there by Loki. “Or perhaps green would suit you better.” Your mouth almost drops open in surprise, but by some miracle, you catch yourself before it does.

“I don’t have any green.” your tone is firm. “I’ve no reason to.” you know what Alva is leaving unspoken, and plan on giving her no reason to believe her own implications. Anger, and worry, present themselves in your mind. You want to lash out, ask Alva what you ever did to make her speak to you this way. Remind her she has no right to do so in the first place. 

But you couldn’t. You knew she was trying to get under your skin, you just didn’t know why. 

Alva would get no reaction or satisfaction from you today.

While her back is turned, you slip into the dress. You thank whatever force governs time, as it gives you an excuse to leave for your tea with Frigga.

Before you step out of your room, you call to Alva. 

“Have a good day.” you tell her.

You turn around before you can see her expression.

~

As you walk the halls, you wonder if it would be frowned upon to ask for a different maid. Alva had been yours forever, and was part of the palace staff for almost twelve years. She was older than Loki, but younger than Thor. The royal family trusted her, that was why she was assigned to you.

You didn’t want to expel her from the castle completely. You just… wanted her away from you. She clearly detested you, and the feeling was becoming more and more mutual by the day. It would be better, for both of you, if your interactions were limited.

Your training got in the way of your self preservation. It was the etiquette lessons, which taught you how to be a lady. A lady held her tongue. She made no fuss, attracted no negative attention. You worked with royal advisors, tutors, and more for ten years on how to be reserved, and how to hold yourself. It was more or less ingrained in you to remain composed.

You think about Loki telling you Odin was making you a wife in place of a warrior. He wasn’t wrong. And you would be lying if you said you weren’t upset by the role. Jealousy struck you every time you watched Sif head to battle at the princes’ and Warriors Three sides. Annoyance was a common emotion as well- How you could wield Mjolnir and still be considered small was beyond you.

Part of that was also the Allfather’s doing. He was making you seem less than you were. Keeping you in the castle, never allowing you to protect your home against frost giants or other beings. Was it your potential he was afraid of? Or just the fact he couldn’t understand what made you worthy?

You can practically hear Loki’s voice in your head telling you you’re overthinking. You shoo it away. There was no use in being told something you were already aware of.

Your thoughts are put on hold as you reach the balcony Frigga had told you to meet her at. She’s talking to a guard, a worried look on her face. 

“Oh.” the queen smiles upon seeing you. “We’ll continue this later.” she says to the guard. He bows, and nods at you as he walks by.

“My queen.” you curtsy.

“Oh, stop.” Frigga takes your hands in her own, giving them a squeeze. “You know you don’t need to do that.”

You smile warmly. Frigga has been telling you not to bow or curtsy at her for years. You’ve never listened.

“Are you alright?” you ask her as you both take a seat at a small table. “You seemed to be under stress.” 

Frigga shakes her head. “It’s nothing too serious, not at the moment. There is talk about frost giants planning an attack on Asgard.” she pauses. “But there always is. It’s nothing to fear.” she smiles. “Especially not with leaders like you and my sons. The kingdom is in capable hands.”

“Of course.” you agree. It’s true, that in all your reservations about your lifestyle, you never once felt unsafe. Loki, and Thor, were the reason for that. You knew the people felt the same way.

“There are much more important, and happier, things to talk about.” Frigga says while pouring herself a cup of tea. “I saw you with Thor in the gardens. Are the two of you well?”

Under the table, you twist one of your rings around your finger. Unsure of what to say, you take a sip of tea, hoping Frigga will move past the subject.

“He adores you, you know. He wishes he could find more time for you.” you feel a pang of guilt.

“Thor will make a great king.” you state. Frigga nods.

“He will, one day.” she falls silent for a moment, but keeps her gaze on you. “And what of Loki? I trust the archery lessons are going well?” 

“Yes.” you say. Frigga seems pleased by this. “We have similar styles.” you explain. “And he’s patient. The arrows are fickle with me, there are days I hit every target and days I hit none. Loki finds something good to say each time.” you realize you may be saying too much, and stop talking. If Frigga notices, she says nothing.

“I’m glad to hear it. You both seem more uplifted lately.” you make small hm? noise. Frigga laughs softly. “I’m sure the fresh air has something to do with it. But Loki enjoys your company. He always has, but I think he does now more than ever.” Frigga looks over the railing, at the golden kingdom in front of her. “You’re all getting older. Things will change, for each of you, before you know it.” 

Frigga’s words fill you with some dread, but mostly, they give you hope. She beams.

“It brings me comfort knowing you are spending time with Loki.” she tells you. “He has always been part of Thor’s group, but it is different. You’re good for each other. Not too similar, not too different.” you feel warm inside. “I couldn’t think of anyone else I would rather my son marry.”

Her son. She doesn’t name which one.

The queen means Thor, of course. But if someone were to stumble into the conversation, it would sound to them like she was referring to Loki.

You take everything Frigga says to heart, feeling elevated by her candidness. She stands, prompting you to do the same, and smiles. She opens her arms, and you give her a gentle hug before turning to make your way back to your room.

“Oh!” she exclaims. “It almost slipped my mind.” your queen suddenly sounds excited. “We’re holding a ball in honor of your most recent birthday.”

You feel your spirits falter. Balls, feasts, any large event had never really been your favorite activity. Still, you plaster a smile on your face, appreciating the gesture.

“That sounds great. The thought means a lot to me.” you say, and this much is true.

Frigga bids you goodbye, and you end up in the library. You run your fingers over old books, perusing the different sections without reading so much as a title. Despite this impending ball, your time with Frigga has put you in a good mood.

It always does.


	9. A Favor Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Double update, as promised! Also, I'm reminding you that I have a tumblr with fics all about Loki at thelokiimaginechronicles. Come say hi!

Loki has done something to your horse. You’re certain of it.

The animal isn’t in his usual stable, and he isn’t grazing the fields either. Loki watches you with an amused look on his face as you scan the area, hoping your steed is simply somewhere out of your line of sight. Luck is not on your side. You turn to Loki.

“What did you do with my horse?” you ask, demanding an answer. The raven-haired prince smirks.

“Such an accusing tone.” he remarks. You glare, but it only seems to be all the more entertaining for Loki. “I alerted the keepers your colt was due for an examination. I wanted to be sure the steed responsible for transporting our future queen is as healthy as can be.” Loki looks down on you, both literally and figuratively. 

You step backwards, putting distance between the two of you. Unable to think of a retort, you huff. You begin walking towards the rest of the horses, but Loki quickly tugs you back with a hand on your bicep.

“No, see, that won’t work.” Loki’s voice is right in your ear. You resist a shiver. “You haven’t forgotten that we bond with our animals, have you?” In your head, you curse. Loki is right. Each companion is given a set amount of time to create a connection with their Asgardian counterpart. You spent hours training and taking care of your horse, as did everyone else who served Asgard. You couldn’t just pick a different one to ride. 

Still next to you, Loki hums. “I suppose you’ll have to ride with me.” you can practically hear triumph in his voice. His breath tickles your neck, his finger just barely skirting over the planes of your back.

You feel a flash of anger, but it’s quickly replaced by defeat. You could either give Loki what he wants yet again, or not attend your lesson at all.

As much as skipping your time with Loki would spite him, you can’t bring yourself to do so. Knowing you had been bested once again, you wordlessy walk to Loki’s horse.

“Good girl.” Loki says. He mounts his steed, then offers his hand. You push it away, earning a raised eyebrow from the god. You somehow manage to get yourself atop the horse on your own. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. “Hold on.” Loki warns you. Once again, you refuse to listen, but pay the price. Loki spurs his horse forward. Reflexively, you grab his waist.

The wind carries Loki’s chuckles as you ride away from the palace. He’s definitely going faster than he normally would, and it forces you to wrap your arms around his torso. The material of Loki’s shirt is thinner than usual, and you can feel his muscles under your palm. 

You elect to do your best to ignore it. Begrudgingly, you lay your chin on Loki’s shoulder and stare at the sky until you arrive in the meadow you train in.

Loki is on the ground in an instant, extending his hand once again. You take it this time, and Loki catches you as you jump from his horse.

“Now, then.” he tucks a piece of hair behind your ear, leaving his hand on your neck after the fact. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” 

You roll your eyes. “I don’t think you’ll like my answer to that.”

“So honest.” Loki takes your hand, lacing your fingers with him as he leads you into the woods.

“What are we-” you’re cut off by Loki making a shushing noise at you.

“You really must learn to trust me.” you think you hear a hint of hurt in Loki’s voice, but if you did, it’s gone as soon you recognize it. 

Loki takes you past the treeline, into the woods and among a small path until you reach a haven of sorts. It’s small, a round slab of stone on the forest floor with four pillars. They don’t seem to have a purpose, as there’s no roof. There’s a marble bench in the middle of it all, bathed in the sunlight that makes it through the pine needles and leaves.

It’s beautiful, and wonderfully secluded. You wonder how Loki knows about it. He did grow up with free reign of the palace grounds- there was no telling how much he knew.

“See?” Loki says, and the two of you sit on the bench. “I don’t do everything with an ulterior motive.” 

“This is nice,” you admit. Loki sits up taller at your praise. “But I still doubt your statement. What did you have in mind bringing me here?”

“Nothing.” he states. “I figured you could choose. What is it you would like to do?”

You say nothing. Your cheeks redden as images flash across your mind, things you could do safe from prying eyes. 

Things you have no experience in, compared to Loki’s abundance of it.

“Cat got your tongue?” Loki teases. “Fine. I suppose I’ll do the talking then.” he meets your eyes. “I heard Thor talking about a feast to be held in your honor. A dance, even.”

You groan, burying your head in your hands. “Please don’t remind me.” you say.

“No talking? I’m fresh out of suggestions. Surely, you must have some ideas for how to pass the time.” you still don’t answer. “Hmm. How disappointing… Especially with the condition you left me in after our last meeting.”

You snap your head up, horror washing over you.

Loki wasn’t… Your mind reeled as you replayed the events that took place in your chambers just a few nights ago.

No, he wasn’t lying. Loki had left your room without his pleasure. He let you unravel in his arms, and after, you simply went to sleep.

“No need to fret about it.” Loki murmurs. He takes one of your hands, pressing a kiss to the inside of your wrist, just over your pulse point. The action makes your eyes flutter. “I think we both got what we wanted… but if you’re looking to return the favor, I certainly won’t object.” you let out a breath, one that Loki captures as he presses a kiss to your lips. 

It’s slow and reassuring, surely meant to coax you out of your shell. You need little encouragement. You part your lips, inviting Loki to deepen the kiss. When he obliges, you lean into him. You lay a hand on his thigh, thread your fingers through his hair. You pour all your want into the kiss. It feels so… right. Your bodies move in tandem, almost as if Loki knows you so well you don’t even need to tell him what you want or are about to do. As if it’s second nature, Loki just knows.

You pull away, tense from the way you lack control when you’re around Loki. It’s nerve-wracking, worrying, embarrassing…

Exhilarating. 

“I-” you try to speak. Loki takes your hands and presses them against his chest. You can feel his heartbeat, and for some reason, it makes you want to cry. “I want so much.” you breathe. “And I’m- I’m so tired pretending I don’t.”

“I know.” Loki tells you, and you believe him. Loki is right here, under your hands, in your head. Everything is uncertain, but you feel heard. It’s such a good feeling, so foreign and desired. “I see it all, sweet girl. When you bite your tongue, when contempt flashes through your eyes. I see you contain your own wit, something so many are guilty of flaunting. You’re ravenous.” Loki meets your eyes. The breath seems to have been stolen out of your body. “In more ways than one. You’re ambitious. Powerful. You could bring us all to our knees, I think. But you wouldn’t.” Loki kisses your cheek. “It’s admirable. I know how much you want, love, I need you to understand that.” Loki pulls away, and hooks his finger under your chin so you are completely caught in his gaze. “But what do you want now? Right here, in this moment. What are you searching for?”

Your heart hammered against your chest, almost painfully. You wrap your arms around Loki’s shoulders, nestle your face in your neck. It’s reminiscent of the night in your room. Loki was so strong, so secure. You were certain you were safe if you were in his arms. 

Loki looks positively alluring when you pull away. You grip part of the bench with your hand.

“I want to help you.” you say. Loki tuts.

“I’m not a charity case.” he tells you. You shake your head.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.” you whisper, and Loki rubs your back.

“That’s true.” he responds. You close your eyes.

“I want to help you… Like you helped me.” you repeat. Loki smiles.

“Then go ahead. You don’t have to ask, though I find it amusing when you do.”

You won’t fall prey to teasing, especially not now that you’ve finally summoned the courage to do something. You bring your hand to the base of Loki’s chest. Slowly, you drag it down his sternum, stomach, all the way until you reach his pants, where your breath hitches. 

He’s half hard already, you can see the outline of his cock forming. You brush your palm over it, then press down lightly.

Loki makes a pleased noise, somewhere between a hum and a moan. His eyes are closed, focused on you and your touch. You swallow. You’re almost unprepared when you feel him hardening in your hand, not thinking he would be so responsive to you.

You touch Loki through his clothes a few more times, but you can tell he wants more. Carefully, you begin to undo his pants.

Loki helps you, quickly pulling himself out. Your mouth waters at the sight of him, swollen and ready for you. 

He guides your hand at first, closing it around his shaft and moving up and down. But as Loki said himself, you were a fast learner. You find yourself taking control, setting a pace you’re comfortable with.

Loki’s eyes roll back, softly closing as his lips parted. You can see now, how he would have left your chambers satisfied even if he hadn’t come himself. You feel elated at the sight of him, furrowed brow and ragged breathing. He looks the most handsome you’ve seen him, almost even angelic with the surrounding sunlight. 

You take it all in, every time Loki goes slack or tense, anytime he sharply inhales. You lap it up, savoring the knowledge that you are the cause of it all: you alone are making him feel this way. It’s powerful, intoxicating, and you put all your energy into making sure he feels good and taken care of. 

You decide to try something, an action you’ve read about in books. You run your thumb over Loki’s head. He moans, the sound filling the air around you. Loki covers your hand with his, quickening the pace and pressing his forehead against yours. You’re both breathing hard, and you want to say something, but no words can form in your thoughts, let alone your mouth. 

You think of Loki’s pride, and it sparks an idea in your mind. You hold Loki just a bit tighter, and prepare yourself to speak.

“You made me feel amazing the other night.” you breathe. Loki groans slightly, his hand moving from his cock to your thigh. He squeezes it, hard, and you gasp. “I had never felt that way before,” you continue. “I’ve thought about it since. Looked forward to this moment, even if I didn’t tell you. I waited for your touch. I almost drove myself mad.” Loki looks so beautiful, almost like he’s hanging on your every word. You continue to shower him with praises, matching every sinful word with a stroke of your hand. 

You feel Loki still against you, and his hips buck. He gasps, his breath hitting your nose at the same time his seed covers your hand. He paws at you as he comes, his free hand gripping the material on your shirt, almost like he’ll fall if he lets go. Your bodies are close, so close you can’t be sure of who is pressing their body against who. You decide it doesn’t matter, especially when you catch a glimpse of Loki.

His eyes are heavy with fulfillment, looking upon you in a way no one ever has before. You can’t quite put a finger on what Loki's expression is, but it’s vulnerable, and only for you. That’s all you need.

He puts himself away, pulling you against his chest and running his fingers through your hair. 

“That was well worth the wait.” Loki tells you, his voice deep. You smile lazily, your head in the clouds. Nothing is said after that, allowing the two of you to sit with the pleasure that stirs deep within you both.


	10. Sensual Sparring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. You guys have no idea how much I wanted to post this early! However, I obviously did wait for update day for that ~anticipation~ factor. I think this is my favorite chapter so far, so let me know if it's yours too!

Loki was serious when he said he wanted to spar with you.

It had been days- weeks, even- since he told you. You wished he had forgotten the sentiment. You had, after all.

But there was no denying he had his mind set to it. You found a note under your pillow with instructions to meet Loki in the training rooms this afternoon. Loki’s handwriting was neat, and small. When you look closely, it’s slightly smudged across the paper. He must be left-handed. For an unknown reason, this puts a smile on your face.

Getting to know Loki, no matter how small the details, was one of your biggest accomplishments. He was like a puzzle, and every piece fit against you. If you were a fool, you would say the two of you were made for each other. Instead, you knew Loki was just wrapping you around his finger, tying you to him for the foreseeable future. 

And yet, you didn’t resist. If anything, you did the opposite, encouraging Loki to approach you, and silently wishing he would when he didn’t. It was you who kissed him first, as he often reminded you.

In the back of your mind, you knew this relationship of sorts with Loki was temporary. He may be able to sneak into your room now, but what about when you shared it with Thor? 

Even worse, what happened when Loki grew bored of you?

There’s no use in thinking about this. The only thing you had to be worrying about was keeping Loki waiting.

You dress plainly, in a fitted shirt and pants, both black, and pull half of your hair loosely up, but leave the rest flowing. This is how you used to dress as a child, playing with neighbors or siblings on the streets of the marketplace. As you walk the halls to the training rooms, you wonder what your old friends are doing now. You can’t even remember their names.

You stop at the door to the training area, your hand hovering over the doorknob. You ponder leaving, wondering if granting Loki his wish is worth getting bested in an unfair battle. 

You aren’t given a chance to walk away, as the door opens to reveal a grinning Loki.

“You came.” he says, sounding pleased. You’re somewhat taken aback, but seeing as how you almost just returned to your chambers, you can’t exactly blame Loki for his comment. You nod.

“Yes,” you say, quickly slipping inside before anyone can see you. “It would seem so.”

“Now darling, don’t spoil the mood before we’ve even set it.” Loki takes your hand and leads you to the center of the room. The locks click shut behind you, bringing you peace of mind.

Loki seems to have padded the ground, covering the small room with mats of some sort. They’re soft under your feet, and you’re glad for the precaution on Loki’s part.

“Now you say you learned how to handle knives from reading about them, yes?” Loki steps away, giving you a full view of him. His shirt is loose, and almost transparent. His long hair is pulled back into a bun, a style you’ve never seen on him or any other man in the palace. You feel your cheeks heat up. “Stay focused, sweet.” he teased. “We can get to what you’re thinking of after our little duel.” Loki smirks. “That is, if you win.”

You bite your lip, unsure of whether to be excited or exasperated over Loki’s confidence. You elect to answer his question instead of giving him a reaction.

“Yes, I read several books.” you answer. “And I practiced as well, with the models.” you nod to the wooden replicas in the corner. You could easily point out which was the one you used, as it had many sloppy marks on places that wouldn’t be fateful on a real foe.

Loki looks at you curiously. “My brother is here constantly with his friends. When would you have found the time?” you look down.

“I came very late. I had to learn to fight by candlelight, which certainly took more effort and time, but…” you shrug. “I put my mind to it, I suppose. It has been a year or two since I mastered it, though.”

Loki tilts his head to the side. “You really are something else, aren’t you little one?” your blood heated.

“Don’t call me that.” you tell him. Loki laughs in response, a genuine sound that echoes off the walls. You cross your arms over your chest.

“I’ll make you a deal.” he says, conjuring two sets of daggers out of thin air. “If you win this duel, I’ll grant you one favor. Of any sorts, you pick the context. But if I win…” he hands you two of the daggers, the ones with silver hilts. “You have to allow me to behave around you as I wish for a day, no objections or complaints of any sort.”

You scoff. “Loki, this isn’t fair. You’ve fought in countless battles, and I’ve only ever sparred with inanimate objects.” you stare at the knives he gave you, and realize just how sharp they are.

“You must stop doubting yourself.” Loki says softly. He leans forward, giving you a surprisingly sweet kiss on your forehead. “It really will be the death of you.” you lose your train of thought.

“I- You-” you take a breath and step back. “You didn’t even blunt the knives, Loki. I’m not sure if I feel-”

Loki cuts you off, lunging towards you and swiping his right hand towards your torso. You jump back just in time, the blade missing your flesh by mere inches.

You gape at Loki’s actions, his smug expression bringing your blood to a boil. You grip your weapons, knuckles turning white.

You want to hurl insults at the dark haired man, but you know better than to waste your breath. You instead wait for Loki to come at you again, taking him by surprise when you lean forward and out of the way of his knife.

This, unfortunately, angles you underneath him, and Loki trips you, threading his ankle behind yours. You fall on your back, letting out a groan on the impact. Loki places his arms on either side of your face, kneeling over you.

“Such a shame.” he tuts, laying down one of his blades to stroke your cheek. “I must admit I expected you to last longer than that.”

You grit your teeth, and strike the inside of Loki’s elbow with the hilt of your dagger. He loses balance for just a moment, and you somehow are able to free your legs. You wrap your thighs around Loki’s neck, throwing your weight to the right and effectively switching positions so you’re sitting on his chest. Your legs are still on Loki’s neck, but not enough to hurt him- a courtesy you aren’t sure he would extend to you.

There’s a rare look of shock on Loki’s face. You smirk.

“What was that you were saying?” you ask, widening your eyes and mock pouting. Loki raises an eyebrow, and while still watching you, nips the inside of your leg. You let out a yelp, jumping off him and onto your feet. Freed, the God of Mischief stands.

“That’s cheating!” you exclaim, the sensation crawling up your body. Loki shakes his head.

“It’s hardly my fault you’re easily distracted.” he asserted. You charge, but your action is an emotion-driven one. Loki easily steps to the side, and you collide with the wall. He cocks his head. “I seem to be getting under your skin more than usual. Is there something you have to say, little one?”

You straighten, brushing hairs from your face and glaring at Loki. He looks untouched, no signs of struggle save for a thin sheen of sweat over his brow. 

“You… are always… under my skin.” you grunt as you deflect Loki’s blows. You sense him coming up behind you, and step to the side as you jab with your elbow. “Showing up in my room unannounced, stealing my horse…” Loki extends his arm, the blade catching the side of your shirt and ripping it. You pay it no mind. “Chastising me whenever you can. Pretending I’m not just another conquest to you.”

Loki freezes at your last words, and for a moment, he looks distressed. He becomes jaded again, his jaw clenching. You look down, feeling somewhat cruel, but you can’t bring yourself to regret what you said. Loki strides towards you, his knives loose in his hands. You step away from him, slowly and surely until you’re trapped between Loki and the wall. He watches you, so intently you worry he can see into your thoughts. Loki raises his arms, planting his weapons above your head. You flinch at the noise.

“I just wonder how many others you’ve been seeing.” you tell him. You feel like you’re about to tear up, but your eyes remain dry. “I’m not so self absorbed to think I’m anything special to you.”

Loki leans in, his silence absolutely deafening. He pauses for just a moment, and you squirm.

Loki bumps his nose against yours, then trails his lips over your jaw, not quite kissing you. Your eyes slip close, but you keep your knives at hand. It was a game, right? It was all a game.

Loki kisses you right between your collarbones, biting and causing your head to fall back. He bends down, trailing his kisses in a straight line down your body. Despite your outer layers, the action feels electric. 

Loki returns to your level, his breath steadily hitting you.

“You are a very stupid girl if you truly believe those things.” Loki twists a lock of your hair around his finger, then kisses it. “I suppose my reputation was bound to make its way into your perception of me at some point. I could have done better to quell it.”

You shove Loki against the wall, switching the roles once more, and press the blade of your dominant hand as close to his throat as you can without it touching. Both of your chests are heaving, the harsh sounds filling the room. Loki looks at you expectantly, awaiting your next move.

“You’re in my head.” you accuse. 

He opens his mouth to speak, and when he does, his adam’s apple bobs just enough to meet your blade. It’s a small cut, one that draws only a drop or two of blood, but you gasp anyway. You release the daggers and let them fall to the ground, shaking your head. 

Any animosity, all leftover paranoia disappears. This was too far, too much. You look at Loki in horror.

“No. No, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” panic begins set in, your hands trembling as guilt overwhelms you. You look back at Loki. “I’m sorry.” you apologize. “Loki, I’m so sorry.”

Loki stares back at you, his eyes darker than you’ve ever seen them. He doesn’t move a muscle, standing still against the wall. Nausea passes over you.

Just when the silence is about to drive you mad, Loki breaks it.

He licks his lips. “Well,” he says. “Kiss it better.”

You blink. Loki is quiet again, and the air is heavy. 

Loki was so damn unreadable when he wanted to be. Like a blank canvas, a work of art waiting to be given an expression. Completely up for interpretation.

“I’m waiting.”

You take a shaky breath in, stepping back towards Loki. You put your hands on his chest, running them over every inch of it as you torture yourself with culpability. Was this what fighting a war was like? You couldn’t even cause pain by accident without retreating into yourself. Maybe Odin was right: you weren’t capable of being a warrior. 

But… you glance at Loki’s face, his strong features and pink lips. You’re reminded again of your friends from when you were a commoner. Children. People you held dear.

Maybe you could. Sacrifice others, reign triumphant in war. For the sake of protection. You didn’t want any more harm to fall on those you knew. There were so many problems in Asgard as it was, the people didn’t need the threat of pillagers looming over their shoulders as well.

You will get better, you decide, at placing others’ needs above your conflicting feelings. Asgard will need a fierce competitor, a champion. One who can also be approachable. It’s a large role, but it’s one you have to fill. That way no one else is burdened with it. 

But… now is not the time. Right now, you have to right your wrong.

You keep one hand on Loki’s chest, hoping, praying that you’ll feel his heartbeat. Cruelly, this is the one time you can’t. It almost makes you distraught, but Loki is here and breathing. 

And he’s warm. The warmest you’ve ever felt him.

You cup his face in your hands, standing on your toes so you can kiss every part of him. His forehead. His nose. His jaw. The corner of his mouth. His eyelids. Loki is motionless, cool and collected in the eye of your storm. You wait for him to put his hands on your waist or shoulders like he always does, but the contact doesn’t come. That hurts more than any well-placed strike on your body could have.

You carefully run the pad of your thumb over Loki’s throat. It’s already stopped bleeding- it really was just a knick. 

That doesn’t justify it to you. You run your lips over Loki’s neck, down to the collar of his shirt and back up again. You murmur apologies against his skin, whisper confessions you didn’t even know you had in you. 

“I’m sorry.” you say a final time.

In a flash, you’re on the ground.

Loki’s body hangs over yours. He pins your arms above your head, looking at you ravenously. He dips down, towards your middle where your shirt has ridden up. He trails his tongue over your exposed skin, nipping and worrying it all the way. You moan, and move one of your arms to thread through his hair.

“Ah-ah.” he stops you. “No, little one. Hands to yourself. You’ve proven to be quite reckless today.” 

You obey Loki, aware that condescending pet names and impossible commands are a kind way to make up for what happened. Loki returns his attention to your torso.

He presses his mouth to your hip, biting the skin and making your back arch. You feel Loki smirk against you and he inches up, higher and higher until he reaches the curve of your barely covered breasts.

Without warning, Loki catches your lips in a searing kiss, one so full of intensity and ruin your vision blurs. His hand comes to cup one of your breasts, kneading and teasing it so you gasp into his mouth. You writhe under him, forcing yourself not to grab Loki’s shoulders or arms or any other part of him that’s within your reach.

Loki kept his eyes lidded, glancing at you every time he came back for air. He filled every one of your senses to the brink, and you wished the ground would open up and swallow you both so this moment could play over and over and over again.

Loki guides you to your feet, never once breaking your embrace. He pulls away only to tug your shirt over your head, and his own layer quickly follows. He brings you back to him quickly, your bare self pressing against his. His hands dip down and cup your ass, moving under your pants and gripping you. You let out a mewl, your head falling against Loki’s chest. You feel him kiss the top of your head.

“From now on…” he says next to your ear. You shiver. “You will tell me when you are upset. Or when you have any negative thoughts surrounding me.” he squeezes your backside, and you take a sharp inhale. “I cannot reassure you if the root of the problem is hidden, love, do you understand?”

You run your hands up and down Loki’s upper arms, your fingers exploring every curve of muscle. You nod.

“Try again.” Loki nips at the sensitive spot near your jaw and ear. You make a small noise of surprise. “Indulge me.”

“I understand.” you tell him. “I understand… my prince.”

Loki kisses you, quickly, but it leaves you breathless all the same.

“There is no one else.” he reassures you. “I suspected it, but you certainly proved it so today: I’ve met my match. No one is quite the type of challenge you are.”


	11. Easy Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday everyone! I had a really good time writing this, it's a sickly sweet chapter that I think is surprisingly intimate. This story is really starting to pick up! Your comments, kudos, and bookmarks mean SO much to me, they really spur me on and help a lot. Thank you all <3

Your plan was to not wake up today.

That was possible, right? To let the hours spend themselves while you were in bed, shielded by your mountain of pillows and blankets. If you stayed in here, you wouldn’t have to attend the ball tonight. You had no interest in birthday celebrations. You would remain in your room, a setting you knew almost too well.

But something isn’t the same.

You reluctantly open your eyes, unfocused and still clouded with sleep. You look around your room, scanning it for anything out of the ordinary, until your eyes land on the figure in bed.

“Loki!” you’re so shocked you almost fall to the ground. You grab the covers just in time. “What are you doing?”

Next to you, Loki stirs, shifting so he faces you, laying on his side. 

“Good morning to you too.” he says as unconcerned as ever. 

“You can’t be in here. My maid-” you feel a jolt of panic at the idea of Alva walking in. You leap up, practically sprinting to the door to ensure it’s locked. It is. You exhale.

“Do you really doubt me that much?” Loki approaches you, his hands landing on your shoulders.

“It’s…” you pinch the bridge of your nose. “It isn’t you. I’m sorry.” you face Loki. “This took me by surprise, that’s all.” Loki takes your hand, guiding you back to bed. He sits with his back to your headrest, tugging you down so you’re next to him.

“I’m not going to be terribly pleasant today.” you warn him. Loki continues watching you. “With the ball, and the attention it will bring… I have a lot on my mind.” you stare at your hands. What were you doing? Loki didn’t want to hear this. No one did, but him least of all.

Or… Maybe not.

“Tell me.” Loki says. You look at him. Was he serious? For all your hectic meetings, Loki had never once said something if he didn’t mean it. 

So you do. You let it all out, your uneasy feelings for tonight’s events- the public appearance with Thor, the finality the ball represented. Guilt, when you remember how excited Frigga was to tell you about it. Your worries are easy to voice, you’ve kept them inside for so long.

Loki listens intently, and somehow, you end up between his legs, your back pressed to his chest. Loki’s hands massage your neck, relieving all the tension he can. You don’t even register his touch until he hits a particularly tense spot, causing a moan to fall from your mouth. You face him.

“You knew.” you say in disbelief. 

“Knew what?” Loki takes one of your hands, kissing your pulse point. His lips are soft, and welcoming. 

“You’ve heard me talk about the ball… unfavorably for weeks now.” Loki’s kisses begin to creep up your arm. “You knew I would be anxious today.”

“Clever girl.” Loki’s lips meet your neck. You reach up, thread your fingers through Loki’s black hair. “You worry too much. I seem to be the only one who can ease you, though half the time I only make it worse.”

“You don’t make it worse.” your response is so fast you almost cut Loki off. He raises his head, looking at you.

“No?” he smirks. You flush.

“No.” you say, shaking your head. 

There’s so much you could say to Loki, but you leave it at that. Loki’s smirk simmers down to a small smile, and you shift so you can sit next to him. The position allows for Loki to lay a hand on your waist, your own hand resting on his thigh in turn.

There’s an easy silence with Loki. Normally, you would want to fill it, avoid awkward pauses or fidgeting hands. But with Loki, there’s no need. Everything is natural, and the two of you can enjoy being in each other’s unadulterated company.

You think about what Loki’s life, how loud and cluttered it must be. He was always off in other realms, playing the mediator with Thor and his friends. You wondered if you provided Loki a break of sorts from everything- he certainly did for you.

Loki’s hands roam your body with just the right amount of sensation, enough to make you feel warm inside and yet be free of an ache for anything more. You can find your thoughts, but not enough to worry about tonight or the future. With Loki as your foundation, you stay grounded in the present.

It’s wonderful. Everything Loki does is perfect.

His fingers continue to trace your form, from your chest to your hips, until they slip under the thin material of your sleep clothes. Making their way up your thighs, your breath just barely hitches as Loki touches you in slow, sensual strokes, finding the center of your pleasure with ease, giving you a type of attention you didn’t know you needed.

His fingers slip between your folds, circle your clit with a touch that’s so light it makes your head spin. Your eyes slip closed, but you can feel Loki watching you, observing and taking note of every way your body responds to his touch.

You hear the bed creak as Loki leans down, brushing his lips over yours in the softest of kisses. 

“You really are lovely.” he murmurs. 

Your chest clenches. You curl up tighter to the god in response. At some point, you’re lulled back into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up y'all, next chapter is the ball, and will be the longest update yet! Any predictions for what will happen? I'm extremely excited to post it ;)


	12. Enchanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get comfortable everyone, this is the longest chapter yet! I've been looking forward to this particular update for two or three weeks now, and I'm ecstatic to be sharing! I did just want to take a moment and tell you how much your comments really mean to me. They help me so much and my heart flutters any and every time I see them! I've also made myself the goal of reaching 200 kudos by August. 
> 
> Okay, enough gushing. Enjoy!

One would think that after your… tryst with Loki this morning, you would be overly excited or on edge. But you weren’t. You felt sated, and comforted by the fact Loki would be at the ball with you, even if it was support or acknowledgement from afar.

You consider bathing, but your hair would be able to appear larger if it was unwashed. Alva would be here soon to apply your makeup. Your only task was to find a dress.

You open the doors to your large closet, taking in the various colors and styles of gowns that presented themselves. You ran your hand over each garment, none of them quite capturing your attention.

On the outside, this dance was a celebration of your birthday, but you knew that wasn’t really the case. It was in honor of your birthday, yes, but more specifically, it was in honor of you reaching an age in which you were considered wise enough to wed.

This was an occurrence about Thor just as much as it was one about you. For that reason, it would be expected you match your attire to his.

Thor would be dressed in red, there was no doubt about that. Your hand hovered over one of your red gowns; one that cinched at the waist and billowed out in layer upon layer of skirt. If you wore this, you and Thor would seem like a pair. A pair of future rulers, no less. Appearances were important- Especially for you, who the people had seen so little of. You take the dress off the hanger, preparing to put it on.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and think about Loki’s smile and words from just a few hours before. He had been so kind, seeking you out because he knew you were dreading this event.

You wondered what this was like for Loki. His connection to you didn’t seem to be as strong as yours to him, but he cared about you. Your morning together was irrefutable proof of that. Did it hurt him, your inevitable betrothal to Thor? You recall a month ago, how angry Loki had been when he thought you told Thor he was giving you trouble. Clearly, you and Thor had some amount of impact on Loki.

He’s been so amazing to you, a distraction and confidante. You want to repay Loki for that. Not just in physical favors. 

You return the red dress to its hanger, pondering your selection once again. Did you even have a garment Loki would like? Since the beginning of your archery lessons, he had scarcely seen you in anything but your training clothes. It honestly wouldn’t be hard to impress him.

You had no green (like you had told Alva weeks ago. You really weren’t a liar.), but that didn’t matter much. It was one thing to not coordinate with Thor, but another to show up in what was practically the garb of his little brother. There would be enough eyes on you tonight, you didn’t need them to be prying on top of everything else.

So what to choose? You dig through your dressers, tear through your hangers. You’re just about to give up when you spot something in the corner. You reach forward, holding the dress up towards the light.

It’s a simple gown, almost too simple for this ball. It’s black, and long, but it isn’t poofy or shiny like all your other dresses. It’s… elegant, and seems to have a deep neck.

You quickly slip out of your clothes and into the dress, then look in the mirror.

It fits you perfectly. All your dresses do, as they’re tailored and original. But this outfit just seems right, hugging your curves and feeling silky on your skin. 

You pick out a pair of gold shoes, ones that will make you seem much taller than you actually are. Before you put them on, you sit down at your vanity, looking through your jewelry box. You pick out three small rings, one ruby, one emerald, and one sapphire. You’re slipping them over your fingers when Alva walks in. She pauses briefly, looking you over.

“That’s a gorgeous dress.” she says. “It fits you well.”

“Thank you.” you don’t smile, but you keep your tone light. Alva continues staring.

“Are you sure it’s appropriate? For this occasion?” you look at Alva, but she stands unwavering. Taking a breath, you nod.

“I’m quite sure.” you assert. Alva raises her chin.

“If you say so.” she begins taking out brushes, preparing to make you over. “I suppose it is time you started dressing like a queen, not a princess.”

Normally, Alva’s words would have left you disgruntled at the best, but they have no effect on you today. Loki’s presence had left your mood heightened, even Alva’s influence on you wasn’t strong enough to bring it down. 

Nothing is said after that. Alva keeps her lips pressed in a thin line as she dips into numerous pots, not seeming to stop until your face feels like it weighs a hundred tons.

“Are you wearing a necklace tonight, my lady?” she asks. You knit your eyebrows. 

“No?” your answer comes out in the form of a question. 

Alva says nothing, but takes a brush and strokes it over your chest, as well as all the way down the arm of your dominant hand. They leave sparkles in their wake. 

“Is it to your liking?” Alva asks, gesturing towards your reflection.You look.

You almost don’t recognize yourself.

Your eyes have been drawn on with dark lines, and your eyebrows are high and arched. Your lips are a brilliant shade of red, with rosy cheeks to match. You literally glow, the sparkles on your chest and arm reflecting the light. Your hair has been swept out of your face, leaving nothing to distract from your features.

“Yes.” you say. You don’t look like yourself, but you aren’t uncomfortable. Far from it, in fact.

“Well,” Alva interrupts your thoughts. “You should go. It’s just about time for you and the princes to be arriving.”

“Alright.” you say. “Thank you. I’ll see you there.”

Alva gives you a tight nod. As you leave your room, the unfamiliar sounds of heels hitting the floor follows you. It takes a moment for you to realize they’re yours.

~

Your idea was to slip in the ballroom unnoticed. 

To find a drink, briefly make an appearance with Thor, and spend the rest of the evening on the sides of the dancefloor, speaking to Frigga or Loki or anyone else who happened to pass you by.

Your idea was unrealistic. Very, very much so.

“Her majesty, the princess, future queen of Asgard!” the guards stationed at the door announce as you pass between them.

The guests, the royal family, the servants- everyone stops, all eyes and attention on you. Goblets are suddenly raised, a cheer erupting from the partygoers’ mouths. You give a smile, and sink down into a curtsy. You spot Loki on the opposite side of the room. He’s the only one without his cup in the air. Allure is etched onto his face, his eyes fixed on you. You look away before your cheeks flush.

Thor strides over to you, offering his arm, which you loosely take. 

“To my beautiful bride-to-be!” he bellows. He looks down at you. Even in your shoes, you’re tiny compared to Thor. “There is no better maiden to claim the throne than her.”

Goodness. If it weren’t for your makeup, everyone would have seen the color drain from your face. Guilt washes over you, paired with shame. If Thor knew about you and Loki, he wouldn’t put you on such a pedestal. 

If Thor knew anything about you he wouldn’t. But his kindness touches your heart all the same. You and Thor weren’t close, and yet he cared for you so much. The same way he cared for any living creature. Rambunctious as he could be, Thor was a good man.

Everyone stares at the two of you, as if waiting for a show. You stiffen. Tentatively, you shift your weight to your toes, standing tall so you can place a fleeting kiss on Thor’s cheek.

The room cheers one more time, and satisfied, returns to their conversations. 

Thor leads you to the middle of the dance floor, where you are far from the only ones there. He puts his hands on your waist, and in turn, you place yours on his shoulders. It doesn’t feel right. Loki’s touches were firm and gentle, whereas Thor’s were just heavy. You wish the position of your hands were reversed, so you wouldn’t appear so awkward reaching up. 

And so it felt less intimate. 

You won’t spoil the night. You dance where Thor leads you, twirl when he motions for you to. You laugh, genuinely, a few times. Thor really wasn’t horrible. He would be a fine friend to have.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asks. You nod.

“It was considerate of you and the king to plan this.” you tell him. 

“I would like to get to know you better.” he says suddenly. “I know I can be… distracted.” Thor settles on the word. “But I am more than willing to make time for you. And I’ve been thinking about how valuable your council could be. I’m removed from my subjects, always fighting a battle. I feel you could give me and the palace advisors some valuable insights as to what my people actually need. You did grow up with them.”

You blink, pleasantly surprised. “Thank you, Thor. I’m honored to be held in such high respects.” 

“I hold my people in high respects. You are a direct link to them, and I’m thankful for that. You will be a fair ruler.” he smiles. You say nothing for a moment.

“May I… ask you something?” Thor stops dancing, motionless in a crowd of giddied bodies.

“Anything.” he responds. You twist a ring around your finger.

“What does it feel like when you hold Mjolnir?” you ask. Thor looks absent. Thoughtful as he mulls over your words.

“Powerful.” he finally answers. “Like I’m holding the most destructive weapon in my hand. That’s what it is.” 

You think about that, how Mjolnir does nothing but destroy. It’s ironic, a hammer that lacks the ability to create.

“What does it feel like to you?” Thor returns the question. 

“Light.” you answer without hesitation. Thor looks confused. “Like fog is resting in my palm. As if Mjolnir could either blind or shield me.”

Thor seems as though he’s about to answer, but someone speaks before he can.

“I hope you don’t mind me cutting in.” Sif says. Thor gives her a gruff smile.

“It’s a habit of yours.” he says, but steps aside. “I hope to talk soon.” Thor beams at you, one last time, and then leaves. Sif takes his place, and the two of you begin to dance. Bewilderment wraps around your mind, but you don’t let it show.

“You look nice.” she compliments you. You meet her eyes.

“As do you.” Sif is wearing a blue, beaded gown. Her hair is tied up, and you’re pretty sure it’s being held in place with a dagger. “Different.” 

“I’m not much for formal dances. But Thor insisted.” she lets out a long breath. “He believes in you. It’s an infectious feeling.”

You tilt your head at Sif, urging her to continue. She grimaces.

“It… Occurs to me I haven’t been as welcome as I could have been.” Sif won’t look at you. “Much of my time has been spent a lot of time proving myself an equal warrior to any man who takes a place in the army. Because of that, I’ve distanced myself from any other women in the palace. Especially you, who is so closely affiliated with the title of princess.” Sif seems uncomfortable, but eager to speak her mind. “...And for that, I’m sorry. I misjudged you. If you ever need someone to talk to, I hope you can consider me.”

You stare at Sif for a moment, a small smile tugging at your lips. You can feel it, a mutual understanding manifesting itself between the two of you. Any annoyance or ill feelings you’re harboring towards Sif fade away, leaving nothing but respect in its place.

“Okay.” you tell her. Sif brightens. She slows your dance, bowing before she leaves. 

“Good luck.” she calls behind her, raising an eyebrow.

You see the Warriors Three- Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg- making their way towards you. They each share a short dance with you, jovial and drunk. By the time Volstagg is stumbling off the dance floor, you find yourself in a good mood. 

You would never be as close to Thor’s friends as he was (or even close to Thor), but you no longer felt judged in their presence. They were a passionate and wild group, good companions and citizens. 

Your stamina is wearing down when you feel a hand on your back.

“May I join you?” a voice whispers in your ear.

You turn around, unsurprised and delighted to see Loki standing behind you. He bows and holds out his hand, which you accept with a curtsy.

Loki’s hand comes to rest on your waist, and it feels right. Five other people now had held you in the way Loki was, but none of their touches compared to his. You visibly relax, melting into Loki as much as you can without arousing suspicion. 

“You look lovely. Coyness suits you.” Loki’s eyes scan your body, lingering on the deep neck of your dress. “I would have expected red.”

“You’re not the only one.” at one of the tables with wine and cheese, you spot Alva. She’s watching you, but looks away when you catch her eye. Loki follows your gaze. 

“Ah.” he says. “I suppose you and your maid had disagreements?”

“That’s a strong word.” you respond. You bite your lip. “But we don’t often see eye to eye.”

“Not many do with Alva.” you’re surprised to hear Loki say her name. “Try not to dwell on it. She’s known to be intense.”

“Hmm.” you look at Loki. He’s dressed well, and his black locks are slicked back. He looks handsome, but you have to resist the urge to reach up and tousle his hair. It’s not... Loki. You wonder if he had someone help him as Alva did you. 

“I’m pleased you didn’t.” Loki breaks you out of your thoughts. “Wear red, that is. Dark colors suit you much better.”

“I’m glad you think so.” in hushed tones, you speak freely. Loki’s eyes glint.

“Are you now?” Loki asks. He’s goading you, ever the trickster, but you’re sentimental tonight. 

“Yes.” you look down. “You’re wonderful, Loki.” 

Loki’s face crumples when you say that. He looks like he’s out in the open, exposed despite the incredible amount of people around. He clears his throat, and the look is gone. Your perspective shifts, and you find yourself facing the ceiling. 

Loki smirks, his hand strong on your back as he dips you. Slowly, he brings you back up.

You watch him, gripping his shoulder tighter. You feel worried, but observe that no one is looking at you. Everyone is drunk at this point in the night, wrapped up in themselves.

And besides. You and Loki were dancing, as you had with everyone this evening. Guilt couldn’t punish you, not for this. You would let yourself have this.

“There was a certain word you used,” Loki slows, more or less just swaying in rhythm. You want to tuck your head under his chin, close your eyes and let the music carry you. “A few days ago, in the training room.”

A pang of remorse, and you’re ashamed to say, desire, hits you at the mention of your sparring session. As always, Loki notices.

He always notices.

“Be kinder.” he tells you. “Forgiveness seems to be something you extend to everyone but yourself.” you fidget in his arms. Loki traces a circle into your waist with his index finger. “But…” he returns to what he was saying. “It irked me. The word. Do you have any idea what it was?”

You answer non verbally, shaking your head. Around you, the bustle continues, giving you and Loki enough cover to talk. 

“It’s quite the modifier, ‘just’. It dismisses any subject, or person.” Loki is quiet for a moment. “It dismissed you entirely. ‘Just another conquest’. That’s what you said. Look at me.” you force yourself to listen. Loki’s green eyes trap yours. “You are no ‘just’ of any kind. Regardless of context. It is not a word that fits you.”

You’re going to die, you decide, if you don’t kiss Loki, right then and there. He’s so earnest, upset at you on your own behalf. 

The world is still, and right now, not a single person exists except for you and Loki. You try not to move a muscle, knowing that any shift would cause you to cup his cheek, lean your head against his chest, press your lips to his.

In a feat of self-control, you don’t kiss Loki. And it doesn’t kill you. In fact, you feel more alive than you ever have.

You smile.

“You must be tired.” Loki says. “The night is not as young as we are. If you wait for me in the halls, I’ll walk you to your chambers.”

“Alright.” you agree. You look for Thor, feeling it would be improper to leave without saying goodbye, but he and his crew are nowhere to be found. You exit the room, winding through couples until you reach the emptiness of the large hallway. 

Loki joins you a few moments later, assuring you there was enough time between your exits that even if someone noticed your absence, no one would think it had anything to do with him. He walks in the direction of your room, but you stop him.

“I don’t want to go to my room.” you confess. Loki looks at you curiously. You squeeze your hands into fists. “I want to go to yours.”

Loki grins, an action that’s become quite familiar to you.

“I’ve told you before, sweet girl. All you have to do is ask.” you roll your eyes, but Loki is patient. Eventually, you have to give in.

“Please, Loki.” you drawl.

“Spitfire.” he laughs. 

“Please, can we go to your room?” you ask. Loki sighs. Not in an exasperated or tired way, but almost in relief. 

He turns, leading the way.

The halls are darker in the cover of night, and there’s no one occupying them save for you and Loki. You follow him through twists and sharp turns, almost like you’re traversing a maze until you reach his door.

Loki lets you in, clicking the lock shut. It feels like a weight’s been lifted off your chest, a feeling of security washing over you now that you’re alone.

Loki’s room is different from yours. The floors and walls are darker, but it makes the space seem cozier somehow. His bed is large, with silk sheets and two pillows. There’s a quaint bookcase pressed up against one of the walls, full of books that have clearly been read more than once. Similar to your own chambers, there’s a small couch opposite Loki’s bed, as well as a separate room for bathing.

You stand still, suddenly unsure of what to do. As he always seems to be, Loki is there to guide you, but you’re surprised when he takes you into his bathroom.

“What...?” you begin as Loki shushes you.

“Someday, perhaps, you’ll simply do as I tell you.” he says. He collects a bowl, filling it with water, and a washcloth to go with it. He then motions to the bed, where you sit.

“Something tells me you wouldn’t actually like that.” you tease back, but your voice is soft. Loki catches your eye. He reaches forward, trailing his thumb over your cheek.

“No.” he agrees. “I don’t think I would.” you feel a pang in your heart.

Loki wets the washcloth, wringing it out and folding it into a neat square. He then gently presses the piece of cloth to your face, stripping away the makeup that had taken so long to put on. You almost jerk away at the surprise of the action. You want to let Loki know he doesn’t have to do any of this, but something tells you he wants to.

Once you’re bare faced, Loki takes the time to wash each of your fingers. You watch him intently, but he’s now entirely focused on the task at hand, kissing each of your knuckles when he’s finished.

Loki trails the washcloth up your arm, over the sparkles and washing them off. Slowly, he does the same to your chest, patting and rubbing away the last specks of glitter; and therefore, proof that tonight had just happened. 

Loki discards the small piece of cloth, but his hand stays splayed over the skin that your low dress leaves exposed. You feel your heart speed up, and Loki finally looks at you. Your eyes stay locked as he slowly pushes you down, hand strong on your sternum as your back is pressed against his sheets.

Loki towers over you, and you reach up. Your fingers run through his hair, freeing it of whatever had been used to slick it away from his face. His dark locks loose, they tickle your face as he dips down to kiss you, making you smile against Loki’s mouth.

“What are you thinking, sweet girl?” Loki whispers as he lets his lips travel your neck. Your eyes slip closed.

“Nothing.” you say. “This is all so…”

“So?”

“Enchanting.” you breathe. You trace the features of Loki’s face- you’ve done this before, and you really should stop, but you can’t. You want to know Loki, every line and expression he produces. Your hands drift, catching one of the clips of Loki’s shirt. He stares at you expectantly, giving you control of how far this would progress. Giving you permission, but asking for it as well.

Your fingers toy with the clasp, but mens’ clothes are a mystery to you. Loki chuckles, leaning back to strip off every layer as you watch. 

You begin to feel small, taking in the situation. Being in Loki’s room, watching him undress, awaiting his pleasure- it wasn’t that you didn’t feel you deserved it, but you doubted it. All of it. Who were you to Loki? What made him keep returning to you?

“Don’t pull away now.” Loki looks ethereal, his pale skin illuminated by the flickering lights. You swallow. “Not unless it’s what you really want.”

“Is this what you want?” you say. Loki’s eyes darken.

“At the moment, this is all I want,” he says. “It’s you right now. It’s all about you.”

You catch a glimpse of Loki then, his length. You almost gasp: his cock is throbbing, when paired with the look in his eyes, ravenous adoration, you know he’s telling the truth.

The sight makes your head spin with an ache, for Loki’s skin against yours, his words in your ear. You find Loki’s hand on the sheets, and grasp it tightly. 

Loki understands your unspoken language, and swiftly rids you of your dress, letting it fall to the floor next to his own robes. He catches your lips on his own once more, giving you the intimate embrace you had yearned for so much on the dance floor. Your body cranes, reaching up in an attempt to deepen the kiss, and sparks erupt through your body when your bare chests collide. 

You can feel him, heavy and pressed to the inside of your thigh, and you squirm in anticipation. Loki reaches between the two of you to knead your thigh, edging closer and closer to your sex until he enters you with two fingers.

His movements are slow, but they feel tantalizing in the moment. It isn’t enough, the uncertainty in your middle filled with the need for something more. Loki’s fingers delve further into you, and a whine falls from your lips.

“What is it, sweet girl?” you can hear the smile in his voice. “You’ve waited this long, you can be patient awhile longer.” his finger curls, and you let out a moan. Loki pulls back, just enough so he can look at all of you, but your body misses his all the same. You let his eyes rake over you, your fingers running up and down the muscles of his back. “...Though perhaps I can’t.” 

Loki’s fingers exit you, but there’s little time to mourn their loss. Loki’s hips quickly settle between your own, his head teasing your entrance. Your fingernails dig into Loki’s back as you clutch him, your mind focused on nothing but the sensations that the two of you give each other. You crane your neck, pressing a soft kiss to Loki’s shoulder. His eyes fall close, but they don’t stay that way for long. 

“Are you ready, little one?” he asks, his forehead pressing briefly against yours. Your heart pounds, and your toes clench, but the answer ‘yes’ is everywhere: you body language, your expression, your words. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Loki enters you slowly, and your body goes taut. You gasp, your breaths close to Loki’s ear. He was there, ready to guide you, holding your tense self close but continuing still. Loki pushes further until he’s completely inside you, murmuring phrases of love and affection as your bodies become one. 

“It’s alright.” he promises, brushing stray hair out of your face. “I’m here.” Loki presses a kiss to the base of your neck, then peppers kisses over your breasts. You mewl, but Loki’s gentleness eases you, and you find your body relaxing as he continues. 

Loki pulls back, swiftly entering you once more with an experienced thrust. The feeling is less foreign and more pleasurable this time, making you keen. You cling to Loki, arms over his shoulders and trying to bring him closer to you when there’s no physical way to do so.

The way Loki feels against you - in you- is indescribable, the best word you can find to explain it is full. It’s almost like your bodies are built for each other, fitting together like puzzle pieces or pages in a book. Loki’s presence fills you with warmth, and certainty. Nothing in your life is clear, but this is. You and Loki were made for this, this game of push and pull and surrender. A game where someone wins, but no one loses. You’re complete, you realize, as you hear a chorus of moans, unable to identify your own against Loki’s. 

You see stars as Loki’s movements sync with wanton kisses to your skin, and you rake your nails down his arms, leaving just the tiniest glint of red in their wake. You feel release building up inside you like a storm, and while you crave (maybe even need) it, you find yourself not wanting this moment, this exchange, to end. 

Loki thrusts, harder than before, and you’re given no choice but to unravel underneath him, doing so with a cry. Loki cradled your hand through the aftershocks, following suit as he too came with a shout that’s absorbed in the safety of his chambers. He tensed inside you, flooding you with even more warmth as he stilled.

You lay there for a moment, unsure of where to look, before you slowly begin to let go of Loki. He eases you of you, pressing kisses to the soft skin of your belly as he does. 

Loki shifts so he can rest his head against one of the pillows. You move towards him in hopes of doing the same, but Loki’s words cut the silence before you can lay down.

“I don’t think so.” he says. You pause, insecurity washing over you. Of course. Loki wouldn’t want you spending the night, that was too much. Too intimate, or familiar. You’re eyeing your discarded dress on the floor when Loki speaks again. “Come here.” he says, his voice dripping with emotion.

You turn back to Loki, who looks unguarded as he opens his arms. You crawl towards him, under the sheets and against his chest. Loki strokes your hair, and the room darkens as you close your eyes.

You want to stay awake, reply every moment of your intimacy in Loki until you just can’t take it anymore. He’s whispering to you now, telling you how beautiful you are, how good you made him feel, how intoxicating your confidence was. You want to listen so badly.

But it’s been a long, fulfilling night, and with Loki’s steady breaths filling the room, sleep pulls you into its grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is easily my favorite chapter so far. What did you guys think of it? Do you have a favorite moment yet? Let me know, and I'll see you next week :)


	13. Illicit Affairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another Saturday, but this time we have something to celebrate- WE REACHED MY GOAL OF 200 KUDOS BY AUGUST!! In fact, we went over it. I can't tell you how happy writing this story makes me, and how happy interacting with y'all does too. You guys really spur me on and I'm super grateful. I hope you enjoy this chapter <3

Your sleepy self needs a moment to grasp where you are when your eyes open. You take a long and deep breath in, looking around the room. 

Loki’s room.

So last night hadn’t been a dream, after all. 

You turn to your left, and are greeted with the sight of a sleeping Trickster. Your heart surges.

You’ve never seen him look so peaceful.

There’s no signs of stress or worry on Loki’s face, and his dark hair is splayed over his pillow. His lips are just barely parted as he breathes softly. His arm keeps you close, strong and stagnant over your middle. You find yourself unable to look away. You wonder, in the back of your mind, how many others had seen Loki like this. He was a sight to behold, and you almost feel intrusive as you watch him. You’re just about to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear when he speaks.

“I can tell you’re awake, you know.” Loki opens one eye. You jump, just a bit as he startles you. 

“Loki.” you shake your head, but a smile begins to form on your lips. “I swear you scare me on purpose.” 

Loki hums, then somehow manages to tug you even closer to him. Your chest presses against his, and Loki moves one of his arms for you to use as a pillow. You glance down, unable to hold his gaze so intently.

“You can keep looking, you know.” Loki’s voice is deeper than usual, still heavy with sleep. It makes your head spin. “I like that my form pleases you.” your stomach jumps, and you let out a breathy laugh. You trail your fingers over Loki’s collarbones- there are some marks left on them by you, purple or blue. You wonder what your own body looks like.

Loki leans forward, pressing a long and surprisingly chaste kiss to your forehead. You practically dissolve into his embrace, snuggling up to him and burying your face in his shoulder. You stay like this, wrapped in each other, for just long enough.

You’re running your hand up and down Loki’s side when you tell him you should go.

“Stay.” he murmurs, his lips tickling your neck. You do your best not to giggle from the touch. 

“I shouldn’t.” you tell him, the smile in your voice present. “The maids will be out soon. They can’t see me coming from this side of the palace.”

“Thor’s chambers are close by.” Loki says. You freeze in his arms.

“I… I don’t want any assumptions about that.” you say, immediately feeling uncomfortable. Loki pulls away just enough so that he faces you again. 

“I’m simply saying there would be no need to fret. No one would suspect a thing.” he looks at you incredulously. You shake your head.

“I don’t- That isn’t my only concern, Loki.” 

“What? You don’t want people thinking you’re lying with your future husband?”

“Stop.” you say, with more force than intended. Loki seems cross. “I can’t think about that. Please don’t make me.” he seems to soften then, but only a little. 

“I didn’t realize you thought of my brother so unfavorably.” he says.

“I don’t!” you exclaim. “Thor is a good man. He’s kind. He’s nice.”

“And I am not?” Loki asks. 

“Nice?” Loki nods. You blink. “Well… No.” you admit. Loki’s expression remains unchanged. “You’re not nice, Loki.”

“Ah.” he nods. “In that case, I suppose-”

“Loki. Where is this coming from?” you take his hand. “You’re not nice. But you’re good. You’re so good. And I... I think I could travel the nine realms, shake the hand of every being in existence, and you would still be the best. So nice? No, that isn’t a word I’d use to describe you. But you’re warm, and strong, and kind, and… good. You’re just good, Loki.”

He doesn’t say anything. Loki opens his mouth, then closes it again, and you realize you’ve caught him off guard.

“You’ve stolen my silver tongue, sweet girl.” he finally says. “Forgive me. I can be impulsive at times.”

“You can be an ass at times.” you retort. Loki chuckles.  
“Perhaps.” he says. “But you don’t seem to mind all that much.”

You want to fight Loki on that one, but it’s true. You were both fiery at times. You suited each other.

“You should leave.” Loki breaks your thoughts. “If you want to avoid the servants.”

“Right.” you agree, but suddenly find yourself wanting to stay. Not that you wanted to go in the first place, it’s just…

No one would see you exit Loki’s chambers if you didn’t do so in the first place.

Nevertheless, you stand up, walking over to your dress from the previous night. It’s wrinkled from laying on the floor.

“Darling.” Loki raises an eyebrow. “For someone who supposedly wants to hide under the veil of discretion, you really aren’t thinking things through.”

A dress appears in Loki’s hands, one of yours. It’s dark blue and accented with gold. 

Of course. You couldn’t wear last night’s dress. In your head, you curse yourself for your stupidity. 

You slip your garment on as Loki watches you. Your cheeks burn, and you try your best to train your eyes on anything but Loki’s still-naked form. You’re succeeding, but barely. 

Loki then begins to braid your hair, something he always manages to find an excuse for. You would be lying if you said you didn’t like it. He was always gentle, careful not to tug or pull too hard.

“There.” he finishes. “No traces of last night to be found.”

You turn to face him, your gaze cast low to ground.

“None?” you ask, your voice soft. Loki cups your cheek.

“Well… I suppose not none.” he says.

You stand up on your toes, tall enough so you can be the one who presses your lips to Loki’s. You wrap your arms around his shoulders as his hands slide over your waist, holding you and keeping you steady. 

You break away slowly, neither of you wanting to let go, but neither willing to ask the other to stay either.

“Come see me tonight.” you breathe. Loki smirks.

“Whatever you please.” he says. 

You’ll test the limits of that ‘whatever’ someday. But for now, just the promise of a visit is enough.


	14. Sanctuary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! Happy Saturday to you all, I hope you're doing well. Can you believe this story is almost at 250 kudos?! I'm thrilled. This all means so much to me and I'm so happy you guys like this story. 
> 
> I thought it was worth mentioning I started another Loki multi chapter here on ao3! It's under this same pseud (lowkeyorloki) and is called "Burdened With Glorious Interference". 
> 
> Alright, that's enough rambling! As always, let me know what you think of this chapter- there's a fair amount that happens.

Your eyes flew open. That wasn’t the sound you thought it was, right?

It happens again, the unforgiving pattern of someone knocking on your bedroom door. Loki makes a grunt of annoyance. It was nice, amazing even, to wake up next to him these past few mornings. Now, however, Loki’s presence put you on edge. You scramble as you put a robe on, yanking your sheets over Loki’s head and hoping no one would be looking too hard. You’ll probably have to pay for doing something so childish later, but you can’t let that fact take your focus.

You crack your door open, just enough to poke your head out. A guard stands at your door- one of the older ones, who often guarded the throne room when you had your tests with Mjolnir. Asmund, that was his name.

You greet him as such. “What can I do for you?” you ask. 

“The king requests your presence.” Asmund answers. “He awaits you on the throne.”

“So early?” you clear your throat. Confusion flickers over the guard’s face.

“It is half past noon, my lady.” he looks at you. “Are you alright?”

You blink. Had you been asleep that long?

“Y-Yes.” you stutter. “Of course. Thank you, I won’t keep the king waiting.” you shut the door before Asmund can answer, whirling around to face Loki. He’s propped himself up on his elbows, watching you.

“You let me sleep until noon?!” you exclaim. Loki looks guiltless. 

“I let you do nothing of the sort.” he tells you. “It’s not my fault you couldn’t get up on time. I simply reaped the benefits.” Loki seems comfortable, at home in your sheets. 

“I wouldn’t have felt so tired if you didn’t keep showing up late at night.” you retort.

“Darling.” Loki tuts. “Careful with your words. If I didn’t know you so well, I’d think you want our nocturnal activities to cease.”

You clamp your mouth shut. That… was far from what you wanted, and Loki knew it. He smirked.

“I have to go.” you open your closet, looking for something that will take little to no time to adorn. “The king is waiting.”

Loki’s eyes widen, and he looks worried. The expression is quickly replaced with anger. 

“What for? What does he want?” he sounds mad, and you shrink back. Loki softens.

“I don’t know.” your voice betrays you, laced with the beginnings of panic. “He’s waiting. I can’t give him any reason to be upset with me, I have to go.”

Time seems to still for a moment, and a shiver runs over your body. You look down, and see that you’re dressed and put together. You look to Loki as his magic subsides. 

“Thank you.” you tell him. 

“I’ll be here.” he says.

You nod, then dash away.

~

Odin doesn’t seem to be angry.

He’s standing, nowhere near the throne, when you enter the room. The Allfather seems to be reading a scroll of some sorts, which he sets down upon your arrival.

“Afternoon.” he greets you. “I’m glad you could make it.”

You curtsy, willing your nerves to calm down. Something doesn’t feel right.

“Walk with me.” Odin says, and you obey.

The king takes you through the castle and its long, empty hallways. It’s strange to see them abandoned during the day. Odin must have planned this, told the staff to keep out of his path.

“You seem well.” he tells you. You give him the biggest smile you can muster. 

“Yes, your majesty.” you answer. 

“Did you enjoy yourself at the ball?” he asks. “You looked as though you fare well with my sons and their companions.”

You look at Odin. The sunlight beams through the windows, reflecting off his eyepatch. It blinds you, for just a second.

“I do.” you nod. “To my knowledge. They are good men.” thinking of Sif, you correct yourself. “Warriors.”

Odin seems pleased with your answer.

“The wedding is soon.” he says. You fall silent. You keep your breaths even, counting to ten over and over and over again in your head. Odin stops. He stares at you, his one eye seemingly penetrating your mind. You hope that’s impossible.

“Yes.” you answer, unsure of what else to say. 

“Do you look forward to it?” he questions you.

You weigh all your options, trying to find a reaction your king would deem appropriate. Your palms are sweaty, your hands threatening to shake, but you don’t let them. “I only hope I can be who the people of Asgard need me to be.” 

Odin stops, turning to face you. He towers over you, and while he’s not as muscular as Thor, he seems so much bigger. Your chest clenches.

Odin reaches forward, cupping your cheek in his hand. You can’t help it- you flinch. Odin’s hand is rough and calloused, and something about him makes you feel doomed. 

Fear is a foreign feeling to you. Anxiousness, uneasiness, dread, these were all common. But fear? This is the first time it touches you, and it is almost all-consuming. Odin is omnipresent, unwavering in his stances and beliefs. You freeze, any semblance of fight or flight disappearing as you find yourself stiff.

“You will make a good wife,” he says. “And a valuable figurehead. I am lucky the one to match Thor’s might is you.”

You don’t know what to say. You rack your brain, searching for words, but come up empty. 

Odin resumes walking, retracting his hand, and it’s like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You’re on edge, but you follow your king still.

“Are the rest of your affairs in the palace going well?” your stomach drops at the word affairs. You swallow.

“What do you mean, your majesty?” Odin looks ahead.

“It is not my intention to worry you, but I must issue a warning nonetheless: My wife was put into danger when she was in your position.” you must look confused. Odin sighs. “Your position is an envied one, especially to other women. Just before Frigga and I were wed, one of the girls on staff attempted to poison her.” Odin looks different for a minute, and you see a glimmer of compassion in his one eye. It strikes you, seeing the Allfather look human. “The woman was caught, of course,” he continues. “And my wife was fine. But a lesson was learned.”

You say nothing. Your feet begin to ache from walking, and you feel a compulsion to return to your room. 

“I don’t do much, my king.” you finally say. “Any enemies I may have are unknown to me.”

Odin raises his chin. “Very well,” he says. “Just a precaution.”

You pick up on his cue, and curtsying, you begin to leave. 

“One last thing.” you turn back around. Odin extends his arm, handing you a letter. You take it. “Your parents,” he says. “They wish to see you before you are wed.”

You feel as though you’ve been slapped. Your parents? They hadn’t spoken, or written, since you arrived at the palace. 

That was years ago. A bitter taste forms in your mouth.

“Thank you.” 

Odin nods. You curtsy once more, and start moving in the direction of your room. As soon as you’re out of the king’s earshot, you run, your legs carrying you as fast as they can.

You crash through your doors, craving time to yourself.

Loki is at your side in a heartbeat. 

“What did he say?” Loki takes your face in his hands, seemingly examining you for harm. “What did he do?”

You untangle yourself from Loki, sitting on your couch. You draw your knees to your chest. You hang your head, and feel like you need to cry, but the tears won’t come. You stare in shock at the letter, unable to find the courage to open it.

Loki sits next to you. He rubs your back, comforting you in slow motions. You don’t make a noise. Loki is patient, ridding you of jewelry and taking pins from your hair. He gathers you in his arms, kissing the top of your head.

“Tell me.” Loki’s voice is quiet, but he is giving a command. You’re expected to listen. 

“It’s not Odin.” normally, you would be cautious to even whisper the Allfather’s name in Loki’s presence, but your mind is on other things. “It’s my parents.”

Loki’s hands stay wrapped around you, but his touch just barely retreats. It takes a trained eye to notice, but your answer wasn’t one Loki was expecting.

“Your parents.” Loki draws the last word out, like it’s unfamiliar to him. “What is it that they want?”

“I…” you shake your head. “To see me. Before the wedding. I suppose there’ll be more details in this letter.” you hold it up. It’s addressed to you, your father’s shaky handwriting spelling your name.

“But they haven’t-”

“Visited me since I got here, ten years ago? I’m aware.” you spit. Loki gives you a knowing look.

“You have every right to be upset, sweet girl, but not at me.” he tells you. You take a breath. Loki is right. You don’t deserve his pet name while you’re acting like this.

“I’m sorry.” you apologize. Loki presses a kiss to your neck, letting you know all is forgiven. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. They… they haven’t even written to me, Loki. Not once. I’m their daughter.” you can feel the tears welling up now. You look away. “They just stay in their house, collecting money from Odin every time I prove I’m still worthy of Mjolnir. Letting him buy me off them without a second thought.” you feel Loki’s fingers dig into side.

“The allowance my father gives your own never sat right with me.” Loki sounds like he’s walking the line of anger. “You are not an object. Asgard is well past times where such behavior was tolerated.”

It’s true. You can understand Odin’s actions, but that doesn’t mean you don’t condemn them. Especially when you were the one they directly affected. 

“I think I need to read what they said.” you tell Loki. “And… I think I need to be alone while I do.”

You expect Loki to be upset, but he’s not. He simply stands up, shifting you off him as he does.

“Strong girl.” he murmurs. You smile slightly. 

He’s out the door in a flash, giving you no time to ponder whether you really wanted your only friend to go through this with you.

Friend. You scolded yourself. You were getting too close to Loki. You had been so ready to cry in his arms. You needed to get a hold on yourself.

Looking at the letter in your hands, you tear it open and haphazardly scan the piece of paper.

It was written so formally. Like your parents didn’t know you.

You have to remind yourself they don’t. 

There were hardly any more details than Odin had given you. Your parents wanted to see you, this coming week. They asked you to visit them for three days, to discuss their role in your wedding and meet your siblings. Twins, both girls, and eight years of age. You’re shocked that they hadn’t told you about them. 

To discuss their place in the wedding… You had never even considered their involvement. You stopped thinking about your mother and father seven years ago, when it became clear they had no intentions of paying you any sort of attention. They didn’t speak to you or Thor; why should they get to be part of the day that was supposed to be for the two of you?

It was all becoming so real, so fast. You didn’t want to see them, not in one week, not in one year- never. 

You feel anger wrapping its hot arms around you, but fight it off. There was no way, no way to overcome this with anything but a clear mind. You sit down. It would be for three days. Three days and it would be over. 

Three whole days without Loki. Three days without the man who had become your sanctuary. 

You wondered which would prove to be more challenging: having to pretend to be gracious towards your parents, or having to pretend leaving Loki was the least of your problems.


	15. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope your weeks are going well as the inevitability of zoom classes/return to work closes in on us. I can't tell you how excited I am at this growing story. I've made it a goal to reach 300 kudos by next week's update. It's ambitious, but with your help, I think we can do it!
> 
> Between Thursday and Friday, I wrote the next seven chapters of this fic. Because I'm getting so far ahead, I'm considering doing a few double updates, especially because college starts for me soon and I will have a pretty packed schedule. Let me know your thoughts on this!
> 
> Happy reading ;)

“I’ve sent your bags down to the stables to be saddled with the horses.” Alva says. “The kitchen has packed some provisions as well, in case you get hungry on the ride to your parents’.”

“It won’t even take a full hour.” you say.

“Queen’s orders.” Alva replies. This puts a small smile on your lips: Frigga’s kindness always did. “Do you need anything else?”

“No.” you tell Alva. “Thank you for your help.”

Alva curtsies, then stops at your bedroom door just before she can exit. “There’s no need to be worried.” she says, sounding sincere. “This could be good. Perhaps the people will see you, be reminded someone like them made it through the palace doors.”

You look at Alva. She stands tall. At a first glance, she seems as though her words are meant to comfort- but there’s a smugness in her eye.

“The people don’t observe me as you do on the daily.” you venture. “And so long as I do not forget my roots, I have faith they won’t either.” Alva doesn’t move. “And I’ll remind you, Alva, I am not like them.” you feel a surge of confidence, brought on by the insolence and cruel nature Alva seemed to save only for you. “There is no one like me, save for the current and future king of Asgard.” your abilities with Mjolnir loom in the air. “You can go.” you say firmly. “There’s nothing more to be done that I can’t do myself.”

Your maid says nothing as she exits. You can hear her muffled voice through your door as she walks away.

“Prince Loki.” 

Your ears perk up, but for no reason. Alva’s footsteps retreat, and a couple moments later, Loki makes his appearance. 

“Alva didn’t see you come in, did she?” you ask. Loki chuckles, locking your door.

“No, love. You doubt me.” Loki says in a feat of mock offense. You sigh as he takes your hands. “I suppose you can find one positive aspect of all this: You won’t have to see Alva for three days.”

“I would rather interact with her than my parents.” you say. “At least Alva has never taken anything from me.”

“Hmm.” Loki tuts. He takes your chin between his fingers, then presses a kiss to your lips that steals all the oxygen from your lungs. 

“It’s still just us.” the prince says as he pulls away. “For the next hour, it is still just you and me.”

You smile at Loki, and he kisses your forehead. He catches a glimpse of you in your mirror, your dress not yet tied behind you. “Turn around.” he commands, his voice soft in the quiet of your chambers. You do as you’re told.

“It’s not too late, you know.” Loki whispers in your ear as he laces up the back of your dress. “To stay. You’re the future queen of Asgard. There is very little you can be forced to do.”

You face him. Loki looks at you solemnly. You shake your head.

“As the future queen, I have to set an example.” you say. “Bitterness has no place on the throne. The people should see me like this, willing to put in the work. And I am. Most of the time.”

“So dignified.” Loki smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He twists a lock of your hair around his finger. “I wonder, has anyone else seen you the way I do?”

“You know the answer to that.” you mumble. Loki pulls you towards him, forcing you to throw your arms over his shoulders. You grin, but hide it in the crook of his neck. 

“I do.” Loki admits, his finger trailing up and down the expanse of your spine. “I can only hope you’ll remember yourself after three days in my absence.”

“I will if you will.” you intertwine your fingers with Loki’s, marveling at how much larger his hands were than your own.

“Well, darling…” he says. His green eyes flash. “Give me something to think about.”

Loki’s voice becomes somewhat of a growl on the last few words, and it makes your stomach jump. You take a breath in, and with your gaze never leaving Loki’s, you slowly sink to your knees.

Loki watches you with a mixture of curiosity and anticipation as you reach up to undo his pants. He’s half hard by the time you free him, and your mouth waters just from the thought of what you’re going to do to him.

“Sweet.” Loki’s voice already sounds strained. You look at him. Loki strokes your cheek with the pad of his thumb. “You don’t have to.”

You turn your head, pressing your lips against Loki’s fingers. “I know.” you tell him. “I want to. I mean, if you do.”

Loki lets out a breathy laugh. “I think my feelings on the matter are clear.”

You laugh softly too, just before you accept Loki’s invitation, pressing your lips to his sharp hip bone. He threads his fingers through your hair, and you run your kisses to the trail of dark hair that starts just below Loki’s navel.

You drag your tongue over this trail, one of your hands resting on the inside of Loki’s thigh. 

“My prince.” you say. Loki’s grip on your head tightens. He lets out a moan, and it makes your chest flood with warmth.

You were making him feel good. And you were going to continue to- after all Loki had done for you, physical and emotional favors alike, you could give him this. Surrender yourself, be his servant.

His subject. 

You take Loki in your hand, giving him a few strokes. He was completely hard now, looking at you with green eyes full of both affection and lust.

You want this to be perfect with him. You want every one of Loki’s senses to be pleased, every part of yourself working towards his release.

Your hands pull back, unlacing the front of your dress. Loki shudders at your absence, precum dripping from his sex. You finish undoing your dress. Not enough to step out of it, but enough that it leaves your breasts exposed, giving Loki what you hope is the best possible view.

You kiss Loki’s thigh, close to where you know he wants to feel your touch, but still so far away. Loki lets out a curse, and you bat your eyes at him.

“My king.” you whisper, but in a room wherein the only sounds are Loki’s ragged breaths, it sounds like a shout. You lick the expanse of Loki’s length, from his shaft to head. His hands resume their previous spot in your hair, clenching as his hips bucked. 

Slowly, you begin to take in as much of Loki as you can, your hands making up the difference of where your mouth couldn’t reach. You twirled your tongue around Loki’s head, trying to surround his with your warmth. Your focus was entirely on Loki, every tug of your hair, every shift in his breath. 

Gone were Loki’s normal teases. The walls he had so carefully constructed seemed to have disappeared, his head thrown back with an unguarded expression of pure ecstasy. It gave you a surge of confidence, and you began to bob your head faster as you scraped your nails down Loki’s thigh.

The prince makes a sound from above you, almost like he’s choking, and your eyes fly up in alarm. You expect to see something wrong, but…

Tears pricked at the corners of Loki’s eyes, but they were far from tears of agony. He lets out a whine, another sound you’ve never heard from him that shocks you.

You will chase this feeling of Loki’s. You take him deeper, almost gagging but biting it back just in time. Every lick, every twirl, every embrace of your tongue brought Loki closer and closer to the edge; until he unravels. Loki’s seed spilled into your mouth as he issued one last moan, his body tensing until it could finally relax.

Both of your chests heave as you hold one another’s stare, until Loki offers you a hand. You take it, only to be brought to Loki’s chest when you stand.

“I’m going to miss you.” he says into your shoulder.

Had your mouth had the space to, it would have dropped open in surprise.

But you’re afraid that would drive this Loki, this open, honest, unpressured Loki away.

So you remain quiet, letting the moment fill the air. 

~

Loki leaves just before you’re due at the stables. You’re caught off guard when you arrive and find not only him, but Thor as well. The princes are conversing quietly, and you noticed a horse with a packed tack bag next to yours.

“My lady.” Thor greets you with a nervous smile. You notice he’s dressed for travel, a thick shawl wrapped around his shoulders. “Are you ready?”

You bow your head before speaking. “As much as I can be.” Thor looks down, then briefly to Loki. The dark-haired prince says nothing, his expression jaded. You get the feeling the brothers know something you don’t.

“My lady! I… have a question.” Thor fiddles with one of the ties of his shirt. “I understand that this may be hard for you.” he meets your eyes. “And I will not pretend to know what you feel. But, I do know that challenges are easier to overcome with a friend.” you twist one of your rings around your finger. “I know this is sudden, but I thought, perhaps, you would like for me to accompany you to your parents’. Be a friendly face, if you will.”

Oh. Now it made sense, the travel clothes, the extra horse. You’re surprised, taken aback, and you have to assume Loki is too. You sneak a glance at the trickster, but he won’t look at you.

“Thor.” you say. “It’s so thoughtful of you to ask.” he seems to perk up. “But… I don’t think I can accept your offer.” Thor sucks in a large breath. “It’s not you.” you quickly tell him. “Thor, it was so sweet of you to think of me. I… I can’t tell you how much that means to me. But there are some things in life you have to do on your own. I think this is one of them.”

Thor’s spirit is dampened, but he doesn’t seem angry, his pride intact.

“I understand.” he tells you.

“Thor.” you say. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” he gives you a sad smile. You feel a wave of guilt, at what, you’re not entirely sure. Without giving it a second thought, you lean forward and toss your arms around Thor’s wide shoulders.

He doesn’t expect you to do this, you can tell. It takes Thor a second, but he soon carefully wraps his arms around you. The elder prince is clearly holding back, he’s cradling you more than anything else. You assume he’s worried he’ll hurt you.

This could have been the last ten years. You could have been friends with Thor and Loki, not watching them from afar. You didn’t have to be lonely. 

But there was no use in dwelling in the past, especially when the future was coming at you so fast. You pull away.

“Your majesty.” you curtsy, which feels strange to do outside the palace walls.

You make your way towards Loki. He watches you, not saying a word as you stand in front of him.

“Thank you for coming to see me off.” you say. Loki raises his chin.

“Of course.” he places a hand on your shoulder. It’s a simple gesture, safe to do in front of Thor and the guards who will escort you to your destination. But to you, it’s so much more. The moment Loki touches you, your mind flashes back to his cock in your mouth.

You would get on your knees for him again in an instant. 

“Three days is a long time.” Loki murmurs. “Don’t forget your training. Archery is a difficult skill to master. I would hate to start from scratch.”

You let out a small laugh, and Loki squeezes your shoulder before letting it go.

“I won’t.” you say.

You give one last bow of your head, then turn. 

You hoist yourself up, mounting your horse gracefully. You nod to the guards, signaling you were ready to leave.

You want to throw one more look over your shoulder, have your eyes be met with Loki’s piercing green ones.

But it would be better if you didn’t. You keep your gaze glued to cobblestone road instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reader just had a pretty intense time with Alva, Thor, AND Loki... what did you think of their encounters? Comments and kudos are more appreciated than you can know <3
> 
> If you ever want to talk, or ask about "She Shall Have", my tumblr is thelokiimaginechronicles!


	16. Comeback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! This is a loaded chapter, and it was the hardest one to write so far. I'm super excited for the chain of events it's going to set off, and I only hope you guys are too!
> 
> I also wanted to say: Next Saturday I will be busy moving into my apartment for this semester with my roommate, so I'll be updating this coming Friday instead. I figured that was more preferable than posting on Sunday: One day earlier is better than one day later, right?
> 
> As always, your kudos and comments mean so much to me, especially on chapters like these. I hope you enjoy, and be sure to tell me what you think! Happy Saturday <3

What would you call them?

Your heart began to pound against your chest as you approached your childhood home. The guards escorting you kept their faces forward, thankfully unable to see your twisted expression.

It seemed… wrong, to call them mother and father. Too familiar. But what was the other option? Their names? Your lip curls just at the idea of that. You decide you’ll forgo any title with your parents at all, and avoid any awkwardness instead of facing it.

But then, the whole point of this trip was to face your parents, right? For you at least. For them it was to see their daughter again.

You hadn’t even thought of yourself as someone’s daughter in years. Until you had grown closer to Loki, you were simply a person with no tether. There was no one who put any attention or care into you until you had reached your most recent birthday. 

But everyone made mistakes. Besides, if your parents had twin daughters now- two babies at once had to be even harder than one. Perhaps they truly could not make time for you.

“We’re here, my lady.” the head guard says. It’s Asmund, the same man who told you Odin requested your presence when this whole mess became apparent. 

You jump down from your horse, throwing your bag packed with extra clothes and whatever else from the palace over your shoulder. You glance at the guards.

“Thank you for accompanying me.” you tell them, bowing your head. They seem somewhat confused, and you realize the other royals probably didn’t thank the palace staff for simply doing their jobs.

“Of course.” Asmund gives you a kind smile. “The Allfather has requested I stay in the town square. Should anything happen, I am but a mile away.”

The men disperse, four of them heading back in the direction they came, and Asmund riding in a straight line. You wait until all of them are out of your sight before you knock on the small cottage door you used to call home.

Your name is screamed by your mother as she opens the door. 

“Come in, come in!” she says. She looks behind you, sticking her lip out in a pout. “Were there no guards with you?”

“There- Yes, I had an escort.” you say, scrambling to find words after the outburst of excitement. “They’re on their journey back to the castle.” you decide not to tell the woman in front of you that Asmund is staying nearby. 

“Oh. Well… come in!” you’re ushered in the small house, the door closing lightly behind you.

After ten years of growth, the house is smaller than you remember it. It’s made up mostly of a living area, with a fur rug and fireplace that sits directly across from a couch. There are three rooms, one for your parents, the kitchen, and the room that had previously been yours. The bathroom, you remember, is outside in the back.

The furnishing is dark, and with a small fire going, the house is warm. Almost welcoming. 

The closer you look, the more you see the changes. Tapestries on the wall. Golden curtain rods. Silver plates and cups on the kitchen table. All results of the allowance Odin paid your family, no doubt. 

“You father is- well, where is he?” your mother yells your father’s name. He comes ducking through the doorways of one of the rooms, his arms wide.

“Sweetheart!” he says, moving towards you. You flinch at the name. Before the man you used to know can collect you in a hug, you hold up your bag. 

“Where can I put this?” you ask, a strained smile on your lips. You mother laughs.  
“Not so used to carrying your own luggage now, are you?” she asks. The question puts you even more on edge than before: you’re perfectly capable of holding a bag full of dresses. What you are not as able to do is accept the touch of someone you haven’t seen in ten years.

You set the bag on the couch, which you assume will take the place of a bed for your stay. This was fine with you, you brought no expectations of any sort to this cottage.

“My goodness.” your mother breathes. She walks towards you, grabbing your wrists. “You’re so beautiful.” she says. 

It takes you off-guard, the motherly touch and words. You stare at your mother, and your father standing closely behind her. You search for any resemblance, any trace of your face in theirs or any mannerism you may have inherited.

There is none. You left them too young. 

“She is.” your father agrees. “You look every bit the queen you’ll be.”

“Do you remember what she looked like when she was born?” you mother giggles. You knit your brow. “I’m sorry dear, but you were positively silly looking. Large ears and hair that didn’t compliment your skin tone at all. Those palace servants must know what they’re doing.”

You blink in surprise at the candidness of the adults, not knowing what to say. 

“It is true. We spent a fortune on dresses for you, none of your limbs seemed to ever fit in them right.” your father mentions. Your face begins to burn.

“But it’s no matter now.” your mother smiles. “You’re gorgeous. Radiant, even. I’m sure you and Thor make a lovely couple.”

You laugh nervously. “May I meet my sisters?” you ask, desperate for a subject change. “They aren’t napping or anything.”

“No.” your father confirms. “They’re in your old room. Come.”

“I’ll just be in the kitchen!” your mother sings. You throw a smile her way, hoping it doesn’t look like a grimace.

Okay. This wasn’t going too bad.

You enter the small room, your father right on your heels. 

It’s quaint, a perfect little nursery. The walls are painted yellow, with decadent murals you know must have been done by an artist. Two girls rest on the carpet, playing with figurines that seem to have been hand carved.

“Girls.” your father says. Their little heads pop up. “This is your sister. The princess.”

“I’m not really-” you begin to deny the title, but you’re cut off by the force of two little bodies slamming against each other your legs. You almost fall.

“A princess!” the girls squeal. You manage to shake them from your legs before kneeling down to actually meet them.

They’re beautiful girls, none of your mother’s comments about what you looked like in your youth could apply to them. They’re plump and well fed. This fact eases your mind somewhat: you didn’t mind your parents making an allowance off you if it meant these two would never know hunger. 

You can’t help but smile. You loved kids, and seldom saw them in the palace. Something about curious minds not yet touched by anger or anxiety made you optimistic. Even more, protective. 

“What are your names?” you ask.

“Flora.” “Fauna.” the girls answer in unison. You look up at your father.

“Midgardian terms.” he explains. “It means plants and wildlife.”

You nod your head- you know this. You find the choice strange, you can think of many pleasing Midgardian names off the top of your head. Choosing phrases found in Midgard’s branch of ‘science’ seemed odd to you.

“Dinner!” you hear your mother call. It surprises you. Was it that late already? Not that you were complaining. Dinner meant it was night, and night meant it was almost the next day. 

Which made your reunion with Loki one day closer.

The girls run to their father.

“Daddy, I want to sit next to the princess!” “No, I want to sit next to the princess!” 

“You can each sit next to her.” he tells them. He doesn’t ask if it’s alright with you. It is, of course it is. But you would have appreciated the gesture.

Your parents sit across from you at the kitchen table, Flora and Fauna on either side of you.

“I made your favorite.” your mother says. She sets out a plate of duck and a salad with walnuts. 

“Thank you.” you say. You’re allergic to walnuts now, but don’t know how to say so. “Oh.” you stand up. “Hold on.” you run to your bag, taking out the snacks Frigga had the palace kitchen give you. Three honey cakes. You return, giving one to each of your parents, and breaking the final one in half for your siblings. 

“What is it?” your mother asks. 

“A honey cake.” you answer. “The queen worried I would grow hungry on the ride over.”

“Ah.” she says. “I suppose you’re used to the tastes of the palace now.” you say nothing. “Tell us, what is the royal family like?” she asks. You feel four pairs of eyes on you.

“Oh, well, they are wonderful.” you tell them. They nod, eager for more information. You push the food on your plate around with your fork. “Queen Frigga is the kindest woman you could ever meet. King Odin is a just man.” he terrifies you to no end, but you don’t say so.

“And what of the princes?” your father asks. 

“Um… They are exceptional.” you say. Everyone seems to be hanging on your every word. You do your best to choose them wisely. “Prince Loki is currently teaching me archery-”

“Archery?” you mother interrupts. “Whatever for?”

“Well, The Allfather wished for me to learn how to handle knives to protect myself, but upon learning I had already taught myself that-”

“Knives?!” she cries. 

“What are you doing learning self defense?” your father asks in a gruff voice. Your sisters stare at you with wide eyes. “You’re to marry Thor. You should need little skills outside of pleasing him.”

Your jaw goes slack at the intrusion. You look at your sisters in their youngness, but thankfully, the comment seems to have gone over their heads.

“I am marrying Thor because my power has the potential to be tantamount to his.” you say, and even you can hear the hurt seep in your voice. 

“Of course you are. Your father and I, we just weren’t expecting you to be so fiery.” your mother says.

Fiery? You had done nothing but hold your tongue since you got here. You grit your teeth.

“No matter.” she says. “Speaking of Thor, and your marrying him, we would love to talk about how we can assist you in your wedding from whatever position you give us. But we’ll have to tomorrow.” she stands up, your father following suit. 

“Where are you going?” you ask bewilderedly. The two are already putting on coats.

“It’s for your father’s job.” your mother responds, as if that explains everything.

“You wouldn’t mind putting the girls to bed, would you?” your father asks. “And perhaps doing the dishes as well. Remind you that you didn’t always have maids to do all the work for you.”

Every hidden comment they make feels like a slap, but the pair is out the door before you can even respond. You stare blankly at their empty chairs, your mouth dry. What had just happened?

“Princess!” there’s a tugging at your dress. You look down. Flora raises her arms. 

You bend over to pick her up, settling her on your hip. She nestles her face into your shoulder while Fauna slips her tiny hand in yours.

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. It feels right, the little ones snuggling up next you. You wonder in horror if they ever get any affection. You parents clearly spent part of the money they earned from you on the twins. But did they fill any role outside of the provider? Were these girls growing up like you did, devoid of love or emotion?

You clutch them tighter to you. 

“You know I have a name.” you say as the three of you make your way towards their room.

“Who cares?” Fauna says. “You can be called princess when you’re not even pretending.” you let out a laugh.

“Mommy didn’t tell us your name.” Flora says. She touches the pendant that you’re wearing around your neck. “Daddy, either.”

Your stomach drops when you hear that. You weren’t even being given the courtesy of your own name? In this house, you seemed to have little value outside your stature.

Which, admittedly, was what you expected. But that didn’t mean you wanted to be right. You had certainly hoped, and prayed, on the ride over that what was happening between you and your parents was just miscommunication. That they would greet you with soft eyes and wise words.  
But for every bit of your parents’ lack of interest, the girls seemed to pick up the slack. You turn your attention back to them.

“Well.” you begin tucking the two into bed. “Do you want to know it?” they look at each other.

“YES!” they squeal. You laugh, then let them know your true name, not the title that accompanied it. 

“Pretty.” Fauna says. Beside her, Flora yawns. 

“Go to sleep.” you say softly, beginning to stand from the foot of their bed.

“Will you stay?” one of them asks. You still.

You want to say no, retreat to the couch or backyard so you could think about today. And how you would get through tomorrow. 

But once again, doubt seeps in. How often did they get tucked in? How often did your parents pay attention to their children?

You sit on the foot of their bed, your back against the wall. You wait for their breaths to even out, then let your eyes slip closed as well.

~

The sun filters in through the window, right where you still sit in Flora and Fauna’s room. The light pulls you out of your sleep in the most peaceful way possible. It was something you were immensely grateful for. 

From the quietness in the house, you can tell you’re the only one awake. You decide this would be the perfect time to bathe. Silently, you creep out of the twins’ room, sneaking one glance at them before you leave. 

They sleep soundly, wrapped in warm blankets. You’re glad your mother’s second pregnancy resulted in two children. Even if your mother and father didn’t love them as they should, Flora and Fauna would always have each other. 

If you were selfish, you would envy them for that. 

You make your way to your bag, which still sits on the couch. Your rifle through it, looking for one of the dresses you brought- the yellow one, that matched the color of Flora and Fauna’s room. They would like that, you think.

You can’t find it. You furrow your brow in confusion- you had only brought three dresses, save for the one you wore now. Where could it have gone?

You decide a missing dress in the least on your problems, electing to wear your light blue one instead. You make your way out to the bathroom, bathing quickly. 

You find yourself sitting on the couch, wishing you had thought to bring a book with you. You groan slightly, reaching up to rub your neck. Sleeping while sitting pressed up to a wall was not something you should make a habit out of. As you begin to massage the tense spot, your fingers freeze.

Where was your pendant? You look in a nearby mirror, thinking perhaps it became unclasped, but your necklace is gone. You’re left with just your rings and hairpins.

What was going on?

“Daughter!” you hear your mother. You turn to face her. “How are you today? Your father is out buying fresh bread for us to break our fast. We figured you may prefer that over our homemade loaves, with you being used to eating at the palace and all.”

You bristle. There it was again, the passive aggressive language.

“How thoughtful.” you say. Your mother pats you on the head. You want to jerk away from her touch.

“It’s no worry. We can just add the cost to Odin’s next gratuity!” she responds.

Gratuity. Was that what your marriage settlement was called in this house?

You stomach breakfast. And lunch. An hour after that, your parents come to speak to you. Your mother sits by your side on the couch, while your father stalks out of Flora and Fauna’s bedrooms holding one of their toys.

“Damned kids.” he mutters. “Always throwing things.” he gestures towards you with the figurine. “I’m putting this on our dresser. The girls can have it back when you mother and I leave for our meeting tonight.” he disappears into his room.

“You’re leaving again?” you ask your mother. Your father returns.

“Just for the night, honey.” she tells you. “And we set aside this time right now to talk about the wedding! That was the reason you came to visit us, right?”

You look at your hands. “Yes.” you confirm. Your mother smiles.

“Well, your father will walk you down the aisle of course.” you feel anger welling up inside you. At the audacity of your parents, at the wedding itself. At your hopelessness. “And I’ll carry your train. I thought the girls could but they’re too clumsy for that.” you bite your lip. Your sisters are only eight and already becoming the target of your mother’s pointed words.

“We hope to sit next to the king and queen.” your father says. “Maybe get to know them, but also to allow the people to see who we are. Everyone knows that you are our daughter, but it’s easy to forget our family has a direct line to the royals when you haven’t been seen around us in ten years.”

“You wish to remind others of your possible stature.” you throw in the second to last word knowing it will irritate your proud father. His jaw twitches.

“It… sounds unfavorable when you put it that way. But yes, I suppose.” he forces a smile. 

“It would help the girls so much.” your mother muses. The mention of her false care for the children makes your clench your fists. “They have plenty of friends, but they could never have too much. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with the queen of Asgard’s sisters?”

“Right.” you say. You taste blood in your mouth from biting your tongue. You swallow it.

“So it’s settled!” your mother claps her hands. “I’m so glad you’re easy. I was afraid all that living the cushy life would go to your head.” 

“Indeed.” your father crosses his arms over his chest. “But you’ve become a fine young woman. Odin has done well guiding you.”

Odin? No, you had done a good job raising yourself. Every moral, every movement, every eloquent word you spoke was a result of the dedication you poured into your studies. In the name of your future kingdom, no less.

“Thank you.” you say evenly. 

~

“You have pretty jewelry.” Flora says after your parents leave for the night. She touches one of two rings on your fingers.

“No, pretty hair! Look at the pins.” Fauna shouts. You laugh.

“Girls, not everything has to be an argument.” you say. 

“Yes it does. Flora is annoying.” 

“No, Fauna is annoying. I wish I didn’t have a sister.” you gasp, playing up the action to get a giggle from the girls. It works.

“It’s true, though.” Fauna nods, her curls bouncing with her head. “We wish we didn’t have a twin. Or a sister.”

“Except you!” Flora jumps on your lap. It hurts, but you don’t make a sound.

“Well, you’re very nice.” you say. “But I know of two brothers who don’t wish the other didn’t exist. In fact, I think they would be quite sad if there was only one of them.”

“Who?” they ask. 

“The princes of Asgard of course!” you raise your voice, which the twins respond to by looking at you with wide eyes. 

“Do they get along?” one of them asks. You feel hands in your hair.

“Not always.” you admit. “But overall, yes.”

“Do you like the princes?” Flora asks. 

“I do. Very much.”

“Do you… love them?” the girls giggle again. Your cheeks heat up.

“Hmm. What would your mommy and daddy say if I told you the answer to that?”

“Your mommy and daddy too!” Fauna confidently says. You look down.

“Hey, Daddy took our toy!” Flora reminds you. 

“Yeah, we want it back! Will you go get it?” you stand up, wrestling Flora from your lap.

“Okay. Be back in a minute.” you tell them.

You feel strange walking into your parents’ room. Like you shouldn’t be there. To be honest, you didn’t think you should even be in the house.

It’s not on top of the dresser like your father said it would be. You worry your lip. You didn’t want to look through their belongings, but you knew the twins wanted the toy. You stare at the dresser for a moment, then decide you’ll check only the top drawer. If it isn’t in there, you would just have to find something else to distract the girls.

You open the top drawer, and relief washes over you as you see the little figurine. You reach forward to take it, but then something catches your eyes.

Next to it, nestled in the drawer is… your dress?

Not only the yellow on that disappeared, but the pink one you were wearing upon your arrival as well. You take them out, and see your pendant lying beneath them. 

It’s then you realize your rings are no longer on your fingers. You reach up, running your hand over your hair.

The pins were gone.

It begins to click in your head: your abandoned bag on the couch. Flora and Fauna’s curious questions as they climbed all over you.

There were receipts in the drawer as well, full of payments made to a bar in town. Not just that, but of large sums of money owed to various villagers.

Gambling. Your parents were using Odin’s gratuity to be gamblers. 

You bring your hand up to your mouth in shock as the realization dawns on you that that was what they were doing right now. And the night before. That was what they would be doing tomorrow, there was no doubt in your mind.

You bring everything out and dump it on the kitchen table. You rush back into your old room, informing Flora and Fauna it was time to go to bed. 

When they fall asleep, you open the small chest that sits on their windowsill.

Your rings and hairpins glint in the moonlight.

You grab them, adding the items to the heap on the table.

You settle down in one of the chairs, preparing for your parents to come back.

~

They enter drunk, and don’t even see you that night. They stumble into their room, so you wait until morning.

Then your mother sees it all. 

“What-?” she begins, but you hold up a hand. Your father shows up as well.

“Sit.” you tell them. They don’t move. “Sit.” you repeat. This time, they listen.

“It took me a bit to piece it together,” you tell them. “But I’ve often been told I catch onto things quickly.” you think about Loki, all the back on the day of your first archery lesson. The thought gives you the courage to go on. “Taking my dresses and gambling away the money you have allowed Odin to buy me with is bad enough.” you take a deep breath. “But employing eight year old girls to steal the jewelry off me is a low I didn’t even know existed.”

“Honey-” your mother says.

“No.” your head whips up. “Do not call me that. You have no right. You have no right to act like anything other than a stranger to me, because that’s what you are. I did this, I came here when you called me, I cared for the girls while you were off getting drunk, and I endured the countless double meanings of each sentence you said to me.” your vision begins to blur as tears fill your eyes. “For whatever reason, you don’t fear my wrath, but let me remind you whose favor I am in. Odin, King of Asgard. Frigga, Queen of Asgard. Thor, God of Thunder. Loki, God of Mischief and powerful sorcerer.” your voice wobbles on Loki’s name. “I’m leaving. The guards are waiting outside. It’s only four hours before I would have left anyway.” you stand. “Keep it all. The dresses, the jewelry, even my bag. Odin will continue to give you the payment you have received. You will be reimbursed for every drop of water I used or bite of food I ate.”

“Oh, my goodness, thank you-”

“But.” you stand in the doorway now. You look at the individuals who created you, grasping for any redeeming qualities they may have. You can think of none. “You will not show up to my wedding. You will not show up to my coronation. So long as I live in the palace, you will not even step foot in its halls. Do you understand?” 

“Now, that isn’t fair.” your father says. “You cannot possibly understand-”

“No, sir, you can’t.” you say. “You think I live in luxury, but power is responsibility. You bathe in riches that come at no cost to you. You let me go years ago, stopped mourning me if you ever did in the first place. You do not know the first thing about politics, you do not know the first thing about war.” you meet his eyes. “You do not know the first thing about me.”

“Please, if you could just think about us.” your mother begs.

“I am.” you’re shaking from anger now. “Everything continues as it did. You will never see me again, or write to me again, and so we will not have to wrestle with formalities or false intentions. This is a solution that will benefit us all.”

You turn around, not a single word left for you to say to your parents. They yell as you return to your horse, accusing you of insolence and selfishness beyond compare. 

You do nothing as you leave them behind, thankful for the distance between your blood relatives and you.

If they can’t make out the features of your face, they can’t see you cry.


	17. Lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay folks! As promised, here is chapter 17 one day early. Next week is back to Saturday updates though :)
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos means so much to me and I adore reading how this story is making you react or feel. Your interaction always makes my day (or week, to be honest)!
> 
> Alright, we'll keep this intro short. Happy reading!

You hoped that your tears would have dried by the time you returned to the palace. That your hurt would have ebbed away into numbness. But an hour’s long journey wasn’t enough time to offset ten years of sadness, and the pain is still fresh on your face as your horse stops at the stables.

Your stomach sinks when you see Thor and Loki waiting for you. They wear twin expressions, that of reservation. 

You can’t let them see you like this. Humiliation washes over you as you picture what you look like: unstable hands, red eyes, and wearing none of the jewelry or hairpins that they last saw you in.

The princes are at your side the second you’re off your horse.

“My lady.” Thor says. “How were your travels?”

You blink through wet tears. “I-”

“Are you alright?” Loki’s voice cuts immediately through your own, his hand reaching towards you. You step away, perhaps moving faster than you ever had before. Could Loki see through you so swiftly? You hadn’t even been on the castle grounds for a full minute. Were you really this transparent?

“I-” you repeat, a lump forming in your throat. You swallow, trying to hide your true feelings, but this time, you can’t. Your breath becomes quick, labored as the princes watch at you worriedly. 

It’s suffocating. 

You shake your head, backing away from the two men. “I can’t.” you whisper. “I can’t. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

You run then, as fast as you can while covering your face until you are in the safety of your room.

Alva stands near your bed, a pensive look on her face.

“Get out.” you say. She cocks an eyebrow, opening her mouth. You don’t allow her a single word. “GET OUT!” you scream. “Get out, get out, get OUT!” 

Alva rolls her eyes, rushing past you and slamming the door behind her. You instantly collapse on the ground, sobs racking through your body with such intensity you begin to lose the ability to breathe. You sputter on the floor, ten years of loneliness and anger and desperation finally taking a toll on your mind.

“Shhh.” you feel two arms wrap around your middle, pulling you on the couch. “Calm down, darling, this isn’t a state in which-”

“No.” you detangle yourself from Loki’s embrace. “No, you need to leave.”

Loki stands, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. “My love,” he says, voice thick. “I understand that-”

“No, you don’t!” you interrupt, your voice shaking. “Everyone keeps saying that. You don’t understand, Loki. You have no idea what I’m going through.” your chest heaves as you pant. “They were using me, like everyone does. Just like they always have. Just like they always will.” a whimper falls from your lips, and you curse yourself for being so damn pathetic. “I’m always the one being left. My parents sold me. Odin searches for any reason to dump me on the streets. I can’t do it anymore.” you let out laugh despite nothing being humorous. “I won’t. From now on, I will be the one in control.”

“Listen to me.” Loki says, seeming painfully inept. “You have always been the one in power. That is why everyone rejects you, they are afraid of what-”

“Stop it, Loki.” your voice is quiet now, your throat aching from all the harsh words you’ve spoken. “I can’t take it anymore. I have to make decisions for myself.” you look down. Instinctively, you try to twist one of your rings around your finger, but the jewelry is gone. 

It’s this absence, this reminder of your helplessness, that gives you the ability to do what you’re about to.

“I’m tired of being the one left.” you look at him. “So I’m leaving.” Loki opens his mouth, but you shake your head. “I’m leaving you, Loki.”

Loki stares at you for a moment. You expect him to shout, throw things. 

But he doesn’t.

In fact, in the light of the sun from your window, Loki’s eyes look just as shiny and sorrowful as yours.

“Fine.” he says.

And then Loki disappears. It’s only after the god does that you realize what he called you.

“My love” instead of “love”.

It doesn’t even matter anymore. Guilt weighs heavy on your chest, but it does nothing except lull you into a deep and hazy sleep, one that leaves you even more exhausted than when you were awake.

~

You stay asleep for hours. Days, even.

You don’t leave your room for any occasion: Not to bathe, not to eat, and certainly not for archery lessons.

Your body aches, after awhile, for Loki. Whether you crave his sex or the intimacy that comes with it, you won’t admit to yourself. 

You try touching yourself, just to take the edge off, but you know no pleasure will come of anything without Loki’s name passing through your lips. So you don’t even do that, fearing he would come to you if you called.

And fearing even more that he wouldn’t. 

You close the curtains, so not even the sun can greet you. 

You stare at the golden walls, wondering how many of your life decisions had gotten you here. 

Wishing you could undo every single one of them.

~  
You feel hungry, but the thought of eating makes you nauseous. 

You beg yourself to go to Loki, but implore yourself not to at the same time.

You at least try to make some type of progress in all your wallowing, picking up the books littered around your room. You stare at the same pages for what seems like eons, reread sentences multiple times over because they just won’t stick.

Nothing in your life sticks. Nothing but the hollowness, of course. 

~

You think about doing what Loki said you could all those months ago- bring Asgard to its knees. If you were an absolute, if anything you said was the law, you wouldn’t be hurt. You wouldn’t be stagnant.

But anytime you think of the citizens, you feel only a duty to them.

You wanted to be the person who protected the innocent; not the one who made them feel the way you did now. 

Misfortune had befallen you many times. For that reason, you didn’t wish it on anyone else. 

~

And then there’s a knock on your door. Too soft to be Loki’s. Too soft to be Alva’s, when she bothered with formalities.

You drag yourself from your bedsheets, trudging to the door and opening it with little gusto.

“Hello.” Frigga greets you. You’re surprised to see her, quickly dropping to a curtsy.

“My queen.” you say. “Is something the matter?”

“I should hope not.” she says, her kind eyes looking you up and down. “I thought I would see if you’d like to walk with me through the gardens. The weather has been so lovely lately.”

You wouldn’t know. You look down at yourself, your disheveled dress and knotted hair.

“May I meet you there in a quarter hour?” you ask smally. 

Frigga reaches forward and squeezes your hand. “Take as long as you need.”

~

Frigga offers you her arm when you get to the gardens, bathed and clean for the first time since you returned to the palace. You walk in silence, observing the blooming flowers and vines that wrapped around the pathway and walls.

It’s the queen who speaks first.

“My sons worry for you.” she says. You cast your gaze to your feet.

“I’m sorry.” you apologize. “That is far from my intention.”

“I know.” Frigga tells you. “And they know too, deep down. But you are aware of how hard it can be when someone you care for is hurting. They show it in different ways, but Thor and Loki both mourn their helplessness towards you.”

Your heart hurts, it burns, at Frigga’s confession. All you want is to look at her, beg her to tell you what Loki has said. Pray that she’ll say he somehow isn’t angry or hurt. 

You do not have the luxury of revealing your true feelings.

“And what of Odin?” you ask. “What does the Allfather think of my absence?”

Frigga looks at you. “Nothing.” she responds. “I told him you caught an illness from passing through the marketplace. He knows nothing about you at the moment- it makes for a very confused king at feasts when both his sons pick wordlessly at their food.”

Despite your situation, you can’t help but smile at Frigga. “Your majesty!” you exclaim. Her eyes twinkle.

“Child, one of my sons is the God of Lies. Did you think he learned that in a book?”

You think ‘yes’ but don’t dare say it. Besides, the very mention of Loki drags your spirits down once more. You bite the inside of your cheek, tasting iron. It makes you flinch.

Frigga slows, and you feel a wave of nervousness wash over you.

“You know.” she tells you. “The entirety of the royal family are champions of hiding their feelings. But you have always somehow managed to best even them in that regard. I promise you, you can relax. You have been here ten years. You are allowed to feel things without punishing yourself.”

You blink in shock. What Frigga said defied every lesson, from both court advisors and your own set of rules ,that you had been taught. You were told, conditioned, to pack everything away. Remain professional and put together at any and all costs.Your body relaxes, traces of tension and stress leaving as you let loose a sigh of relief, but still prepare to explain your sorrow.

“Frigga, I-” you look away, ashamed that there are any tears left in you. “I thought when I went to my parents, I would finally feel like I was where I was supposed to be. I thought I would feel at home.” you bite your lip. “But I didn’t. And when I came back here, I realized… I don’t have a home.” you cover a sob with your hand, and hope there are no guards around to see your weakness.

“Oh, child.” Frigga draws you towards her, wrapping her arms around you as if you were one of her children. She holds you tight, letting you cry into her shoulder.

When you’ve gotten it all out, she tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I think,” she tells you. “That for some people, home is not a place, but a person.”

You watch Frigga as you absorb her words, slowly realizing you’ve made a huge mistake.

“My queen, I- I have to go.” you say. Frigga nods.

“It’s going to be alright.” she says. You bow your head, then spin around on your heels.

You walk fast, traversing the ground and halls of Asgard's golden palace until you reach the door of the person you should have run to in the first place. 

It’s opened on the first knock.

“Hello, little one.” Loki’s cool voice says as he looks down at you. “What are you doing here?”


	18. Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. Gosh. 
> 
> I have literally been waiting to post this chapter for five weeks. That's how long ago I wrote it advance and it has taken SO MUCH self control to not post it as an early update or tell y'all what was going to happen in some way. This is one of my favorite chapters so far and easily the hardest to keep quiet about. 
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos mean so so much to me, so if you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it, let me know! This is the most excited I've been to see how you guys will react so far...
> 
> Anyway, I'll let you see what I'm talking about. Enjoy!

“May I come in?” you ask. Loki’s stare on you doesn’t break, and you fidget nervously under it. After a few moments, he steps aside to give you just enough room to slip past him. The door closes with a dull thud behind you.

“I-” Loki walks past you, plucking a book from the bookcase. His back faces you, head bowed as he presumably reads. “I was hoping I could talk to you.”

“Interesting.” the book snaps shut in Loki’s strong hand. He turns around. “I recall coming to you with a similar sentiment. Do you remember what happened?” you flinch.

“I threw you out.” you say quietly. 

“You made a mockery of me.” Loki hisses. He stalks over to you, and you walk backwards until your back hits the wall. Loki leans in close, his nose almost touching yours. “And of every interaction we have had in the past three months.” you can smell wine on Loki’s breath. “Tell me, why shouldn’t I give you the same treatment you so graciously bestowed upon me?”

You meet Loki’s eyes, searching them for any amount of vulnerability or affection. You find none.

“You shouldn’t.” you whisper. The lines on Loki’s face seem to soften, but you could just be convincing yourself. “I was horrible. I was wholeheartedly selfish, vengeful, and stubborn. You offered a courtesy and I spat in your face. You have no reason to be any kinder to me than I was to you.” you swallow, and force yourself not to reach up and smooth out Loki’s furrowed brow. “But I’m sorry.” you say. “With the intensity of all the Nine Realms, I’m sorry. I could live out the rest of my days apologizing, and it still wouldn’t be enough. Loki Odinson, I am so, so, sorry.”

Loki backs away, giving you the space to exhale. He stares at the ground, fists clenched and jaw set. You stand, helpless, wanting nothing more than to hold Loki. To do whatever he asked of you.

You begin to think you’ve ruined it all when he finally speaks.

“I was so worried about you, pet.” he says, his voice sounding as though his throat is clogged. “It was the most intense weight I have ever felt. The amount of restraint it required for me to not whisk you away the second you rode up to the palace was tremendous.” Loki’s shoulders shake, but his voice doesn’t. “You stepped away from my help in front of Thor, and pushed me away in your chambers. I have never felt rejection like that before.” your eyes begin to well up, but you force the tears down. This was not about you. “But the worst part…” Loki continues. “Was that no matter how much I wanted to be angry, I couldn’t be. Because this whole time, this whole time you have been wasting away, I have felt nothing towards you but fear for your well being and desperation to see you again.” the man finally meets your eyes. “I just need to see you.”

You rush towards Loki, burying your face in his chest. Your tears wet his shirt, and you’re pretty sure your hair is dampened by Loki’s emotions as well. He holds you tight against him, so tight you almost can’t breathe, but you don’t care. You’re here, you’re with Loki, and he’s upset, but he won’t leave you. You know that now.

You’re not sure who started kissing who, but you taste salt as Loki’s lips capture yours, his tongue delving deep into your mouth and reclaiming it as his. You somehow end up on Loki’s sheets, with him towering over you and cradling your head.

You know what you both need, and begin to unlace your dress. It’s not even sex itself that’s on your mind right now, just the inignorable compulsion to touch Loki. Feel every part of your bodies pressed together, ensuring and promising that this isn’t just a dream, and that you won’t wake up tomorrow still cold to each other. 

Your layers come off faster than they have before, a shimmer of green surrounding both you and Loki, leaving your bodies naked in its wake. Loki’s lips don’t leave yours for a second until he pulls away, his hand running in a straight line from your sternum to your heat. You crane your back under Loki’s touch, letting him you’re there for him. 

For real this time. 

“I craved you.” he murmurs. “Every night. It was as if we were magnetic, created to be drawn to one another.” you look at him through your lashes. “Every time I tried to touch myself and chase some type of release, I couldn’t. I felt it was wrong to think of you in such a way while you were so distraught.” Loki looks transfixed by your body, grazing his fingers over your stomach or breasts as if he didn’t fully believe you were present. You tremble underneath him.

“I understand.” you tell him. Your eyes dip as Loki begins to pepper kisses all over your neck, his hand caressing your breasts. “It was the same for me.” you make a little ‘augh’ sound when Loki softly bites your neck. He nuzzles you as he hears it. “Like my body and mind were both working against me. Both begging me to run to you.”

“You took too long.” Loki kisses the soft spot near your ear. “No matter how fast you could have come back to me, it still would have taken too long.”

“Loki.” you say. He draws away from you, and you sit up.

“What is it?” he asks, reaching forward and cupping your cheek. 

“I just…” you shake your head. There’s no words that could possibly describe what you’re feeling towards Loki right now, so you bring him into a hug once more. 

Loki strokes his fingers through your hair, and you rub his muscled back in an attempt to return the gesture. You stay like that, holding each other in the candlelight until Loki can no longer contain himself.

“Darling.” he says, his voice hoarse. “I need to feel you right now.”

You nod, laying back. You spread your legs wide enough for the prince to settle his hips between, and he sucks and nibbles at the insides of your thighs before he does. 

He then enters you slowly, not for fear of hurting you, but a need to absorb the moment. Feel as your every wall clenches around him, every shudder of the soft skin of your thighs. Loki moves in and out of you with an attention you’ve never seen him give anything, sweat forming on his brow and ears listening for every sweet sound you make for him. 

You and Loki ride your pleasure out, relishing in each other’s warmth as the smell of sex and tears fill the room. Every thrust feels like ecstasy, every kiss tastes like ‘finally’. You pour every apology, regret, and surrender into this act, allowing yourself to respond to Loki’s touch unrestrained. 

You come in tandem, Loki’s warm seed spilling inside your core and filling you as you cry in his ear. Having Loki’s cum inside you makes you feel full- wanted and valued. Perhaps even prideful. You clench your legs together, not wanting any of his fluids, his essence, to leave you as Loki slides out of your body.

Not wanting to lose any more of Loki than you already had. 

Loki collapses next to you, taking the time only to blow out the candle on his bedside table. He pulls you into him, wrapping his arms around your slack body and his heavy breathing subsides. 

Something in your chest wells up.

“Loki?” you ask.

“Yes, sweet girl?”

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have really been hitting y'all endlessly with cliffhangers these past three weeks! This is obviously the biggest one yet.
> 
> Be sure to visit my tumblr thelokiimaginechronicles ! Sometimes we talk about "She Shall Have" there and I even revealed a pretty big spoiler once. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought about this chapter below, and I'll see you next week <3


	19. Ribs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up really enjoying writing and editing this chapter! I hope you guys like it as well. Of course, it's always good to know if you do, so please be sure to drop a comment or kudos :)
> 
> It's also worth mentioning: Basically the entire West Coast is on fire right now, and I'm sadly being affected by that. About 82k people around me were evacuated from their homes this week, and a lot of my friends have lost their houses. I'm lucky that this wasn't the case for me, but I'm still in danger and have to keep my eyes on the news and emergency alerts. It's possible that I may miss updates by a few days, as I'm the most stressed I've been in a long time. I know patience is a lot to ask for, but I hope that you guys can be understanding as I try to keep up with this story while balancing the reality of what is going on. I'm sorry, but I am doing my absolute to continue updates as they are scheduled <3
> 
> Okay, that's all for today. I hope you enjoy!

“Will you tell me where we’re going?” you ask Loki for what feels like the hundredth time. Your horse knickers, as if in agreement. 

“Where would the fun in that be?” Loki asks. He’s riding ahead of you, but you don’t have to look at him to know he’s smirking. “Besides,” he continues, “...Don’t you want a surprise?”

“I’ve had enough surprises these past few weeks.” you say honestly. Loki sucks in a breath.

“That is… Fair.” he admits. “But it doesn’t make me want to tell you. Besides, we are almost there.”

You sigh, but know Loki wouldn’t be taking you anywhere you wouldn’t want to go. “Hey,” you say. Loki glances at you over his shoulder. The forest light illuminates his form, and your heart flutters for a moment. You feel those three words in your mouth again.

I love y-

“Have you talked to your mother lately?” you ask suddenly. Loki turns back around.

“Not much.” he answers. “Why do you ask?” you look at the forest floor. Under your horse’s hooves, leaves crunch. You realize that soon, it will become colder. 

“I just…” you swallow. “I spoke to her, that night I apologized to you.” the way Loki had doted on you just a few nights ago was still fresh in your mind- the guilt as well. You clear your throat. “She said something that made me think you may have conversed with her.”

“And what was that?” Loki asks. His voice suddenly sounds deep.

“Just that… Just that you and Thor were worried. That home can be a person, not a place.” you groan inwardly. Did you really just tell Loki he was your home? If he notices, the prince doesn’t show it. 

“She has a way with words.”

“You get that from her.” you say quietly. “I was curious, because she couldn’t have been talking about anyone other than you or Thor. I wonder… is it at all possible that she knows about us?”

Loki pulls the reins on his horse, bringing the creature to a stop. He waits until you and your steed are next to him, then beckons you to do the same. 

“It would shock me if she did.” he tells you. Loki reaches towards you, taking your hand in his and giving it a squeeze. It’s comforting, and you flash him a small smile. “I don’t see why you worry so. Do you not trust me to protect you?”

“I don’t want to be protected.” you say.

“Right.” Loki retracts his hand. “I suppose I wouldn’t care about you so if you did.”

“Loki?” his gaze, kind yet guarded, stays trained on you. “Would she tell Odin?”

Loki’s face falls, but he quickly covers it up. “I don’t know.” he says after a beat. You nod.   
“I hate that you worry.” Loki moves closer to you.

“I’m sorry.” you apologize. 

“I don’t say that to guilt you.” Loki is able to reach your waist, and even through your dress, you feel the coolness of his hands. “I simply wish I could chase all those thoughts away.”

“Good luck.” you say, deadpan. Loki chuckles. 

“Have you ever known me to turn down a challenge?” Loki’s nose bumps against yours, and you can’t help but smile. 

“No.” you whisper, before closing your eyes as Loki presses his lips to yours.

It’s a tight, intimate embrace, and you have to put your hands on Loki’s chest to steady yourself. You gasp when Loki bites down on your lip, teasing you in such a way you have no choice but to part your lips and let him kiss you deeper.

Your horse suddenly rears its head, and you pull away.

“I’m going to fall.” you say. Loki drums his fingers against your ribcage.

“Then I’ll catch you.” he murmurs. You watch him for a moment. “We should keep going.” Loki says, and you do. 

“One more thing.” you make sure to ride directly next to Loki this time. He raises an eyebrow at you. “It’s also about something Frigga said. But, this was a couple months ago at least.”

“Alright.” Loki says.

“Are the Frost Giants planning an attack?” Loki looks at you in surprise.

“I truly never know what to expect with you, little one.” he says, the beginnings of a smile tugging at his lips. 

“I heard Frigga and Odin mention it.” you press. “But you and Thor haven’t been to battle in quite awhile.” Loki seems to quiet.

“You know that is due to the wedding, right?” he asks. It catches you off guard. You blink.

“Oh.” is all you can manage to say. Neither of you say anything.

“Do you hate them?” Loki breaks the silence. You knit your eyebrows.  
“Who?”

“The Frost Giants.” Loki responds. You look away. “It’s a simple question.”

“It’s really not.” you retort. “I mean no disrespect to your family, but…” you take a deep breath. “I can’t bring myself to hate an entire race. Especially not one I’ve never even seen in person.”

Loki tilts his head to the side, looking at you curiously. “You really are amazing, aren’t you?”

You look at Loki, the words ‘no I’m not’ right on the tip of your tongue. But it would break your heart if Loki said those words to you, so you elect not to say them to him. For the rest of the ride, you both stay silent, unaware of the stolen looks you each give each other. 

~

“We’re here.” Loki announces. You blink, drawing yourself away from your thoughts of the previous conversation. You raise your head slightly to take in the view in front of you. 

Loki has brought you to a wading pool, with crystal clear water and a waterfall that pours from a small cliff above. The grass is green and healthy, well cared for by the body of water and sunlight that shines through every leaf and moss-covered trees. The scene is unlike anything you’ve ever seen: This was nature untouched by the palace gardeners. Asgard unguarded, in its purest form.

It was beautiful. Gorgeous, even.

“Loki.” you breathe, mesmerized. 

“It’s lovely, isn’t it?” he asks. You nod, still too pleased to find the right words. “Thor and I, we found it one day in our youth. It never quite captivated him the way it did me. This became a solace of mine.”

“And you brought me here?” emotion wells up inside you at the idea of Loki sharing something so important to him with you. It made you want to run to him, kiss every part of him that he would allow.

“Well, not just to stare.” Loki dismounts his horse, walking over to you so he can offer his hand. Smirking, you get off your horse on your own, but still take his hand after you do. A different type of surrender. Loki seems content with it nevertheless. “You were taught how to swim, weren’t you?”

A mixture of fear and elation sweeps over you when Loki asks. “Yes.” you answer tentatively. “But it was years ago. I’m not sure if-” you suddenly stop talking.  
Loki has walked to the edge of the water, taking off each of his layers and neatly folding them just out of the pool’s reach. He’s doing it agonizingly slow. Or is he? All the sudden the world seems to be moving in slow motion around you.

You weren’t sure why you were now struggling to find words. Loki’s nude figure was something you had seen- even more, enjoyed -multiple times. But did you really take the time to appreciate it? You racked your mind, trying to think of the last time you had seen Loki strip instead of simply using magic to expose himself. 

A long time, apparently. 

Loki is in the water now, just up to his calves. He turns towards you, and if there was even a miniscule of oxygen left in your lungs, it was gone now. The light filtering over him, the waterfall in the background, his half hard cock- You found yourself unable to move. 

“Are you coming?” he asks, like it’s the most easy question in the world. Like he isn’t the most gorgeous being in all the Nine Realms, wanting and asking for you.

“Yes.” you confirm after a pause. Loki smirks, because that’s all he ever does, and walks deeper into the water. You find your mouth dry at the sight of his ass, firm and supple. You hardly had any choice but to follow him.

You undress quickly, slipping into the water even quicker. You didn’t quite have Loki’s confidence yet, and despite the water being completely clear, you felt less exposed once you were deep enough that it lapped at your breasts. Loki stands an arm’s length away from you, watching you with a soft yet focused look on his face.

There’s an unnerving amount of affection in Loki’s eyes. You want him to verbalize this, tell you what he’s thinking instead of making you go crazy trying to guess. You give Loki a few beats to say something, but he doesn’t. 

His mistake. You rear your arm back, hitting the water with a satisfying thwack! and sending a splash of water in Loki’s direction.

You have to admit, you underestimated your own strength: Loki’s entire torso was now covered in droplets, and his hair hung damp. He looks shocked, a rare look on the God of Tricks himself. You let out a laugh, which turns into a giggle as Loki begins to do the same.

“No, no no no no-” but your protests are pointless. Where you sent a playful amount of a splash towards Loki, he seems to retaliate with a wave. You’re soon soaked, rubbing lukewarm water from your eyes and pushing wet hair out of your face. “You are so damn competitive.” you accuse, but you’re still wearing a smile. Loki is now too.

“I finally found a worthy opponent.” he responds. You scoff.

“Perhaps that would flatter me if enemies was the true nature of our relationship.” you say, tone light and playful. The lines on Loki’s face soften, as if your words have somehow relaxed him. You take a few shaky steps towards him, the rocks slippery under your feet. 

As you make your way to the younger prince, you find yourself captivated by the sight of him for what must be the twelfth time that day. The sun reflects off his glistening form, and you discover Loki’s hair becomes the color of the darkest time of night when it’s wet. His arms appear even more muscled and strong as he raises them to wipe droplets from his eyes. 

You stand in front of him now, agonizingly close. You reach out, tracing from the curve of Loki’s milky chest to the lines of his abs. Loki’s eyes flutter shut as you do, his hands floating in the pond.

“Yes.” he breathes under your touch.

It catches you off guard, hearing Loki so freely confess to you. Admit the way you affected him, physically and perhaps mentally.

As you continue touching Loki, from his collarbone to ribs to backside, you’re repeating to him those words from the other night over and over again in your head.

I love you, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you-

You take a step forward in your feelings, those three words almost spilling from your mouth.

If it wasn’t for slipping on the rocks, you would have admitted them all over again.

Loki catches you, just like he promised he would. He does so quickly, before your back even hits the water. As you fall, you react as fast as you can, reaching towards Loki for stability. You miss his arms, however, and instead, your nails scrape down the middle of his chest, from collarbone to sternum.

And Loki groans.

It’s deeper, louder than most you’ve heard from him. And undeniably more immediate. You stare at Loki, eyes wide as his arms are wrapped around you so you could regain your balance.

“Do you-?” you ask, panting slightly from the shock of the fall. Loki stares at you. You cup his face, pressing a desperate kiss to Loki’s lips. 

The pain. He had liked it.  
Was he worried it would drive you away? Had Loki been hiding this from you the whole time you had been together? The thought of Loki feeling like he couldn’t tell you something made you feel nauseous. You part your lips, letting Loki’s tongue slip between them and further your embrace. 

You thread your arms behind Loki’s back, bringing your nails to the base of his neck and raking them down between his shoulder blades with the same amount of pressure as before. You’re terrified as you do it, worried that you’ll hurt him or somehow do it wrong.

Loki’s reaction soon proves you did neither of those. He gasps into your mouth, and you understand now why he liked to make you gasp and keen underneath him. You felt a surge of pride as you began to understand it was you and you alone making Loki feel this way. Your heart skips a beat- or maybe two or three. In all honesty, it wasn’t yourself you were paying attention to. 

You pull away from Loki, keeping your gaze trained on his as you begin to sink down. Loki’s eyes are blown out, his lips red and swollen, and the only words you can think of while watching him were beautiful. Amazing. 

You scratch Loki’s sides as you bend down, leaving deep lines in their wake. They would be gone, fully healed up in a few days, but for now, you could rest knowing you left your mark on Loki. No one would know, save for you and him. You liked that.

You place your lips on Loki’s middle, right where his stomach began to meet his cock. You kiss him softly to begin with, but apply more pressure with each and every kiss as you move them up and away from where Loki needed them most. 

Loki’s hand rests on your head, not threading his fingers through your hair just yet. You make you way up Loki’s stomach, sucking and teasing his soft skin the entire way. This is all somewhat new to you, but Loki’s labored breathing and occasional moan from above you spurs you on. At one point, you clutch the back of Loki’s thigh, causing his hips to buck in response. 

You’re almost standing again by the time you reach Loki’s chest. You take his nipple in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it. Loki hisses in your ear, his grip now tightening on your arms. He makes no move to stop you, so you take it one step further and bite down. 

Loki makes a sound like he’s choking, and you suddenly find yourself pulled from the water and splayed out on a rock near the edge of the pool. Loki towers over you, water droplets falling from his face to yours and your chest pressing against each other anytime one of you takes a breath. 

Loki has pinned your arms above your head, holding you in a trap you’re all too thrilled by. His cock is red and swollen, dripping with pre-come, and you can see how much Loki needs release. You try to free one of your hands so you can just… help him.   
“Stay.” Loki growls, and you freeze. He begins kissing your neck, giving you the same attention you gave him. Without your hand to stifle your moans, your sounds of pleasure ring through the forest. You bask in Loki’s advances, in the warm light of the sun. You want to say something to him, anything, but Loki is feral and the sensations he’s giving you have seemed to chase any of your abilities to speak.

“Everything about you is insatiable.” Loki says, his breathy voice still managing to sound assertive. “And unquenchable. Everytime I have my way with you, I find myself needing more. I need you more each time we meet.” you whimper, watching as Loki reaches between your bodies to grasp his girth. You want nothing more to replace his hand with yours- until he begins to stroke himself. “I both hate and adore you for that.” Loki pumps himself, but you know he won’t last much longer. If you had known all it took for Loki to unravel were a few timed scratches and bites… You would have stayed up many times perfecting the craft. Loki was so accommodating with you, you could easily do the same.

Watching Loki above you now was a stark contrast to a couple nights ago. He had been so gentle, loving even, but now, Loki was messy and driven entirely by touch. You couldn’t decide which you liked better. You hoped you would never have to choose. 

“Say it.” Loki says from above you. The words are perfectly clear, as is Loki’s expression as he stares. “Tell me again.” he’s begging. You just want your arms to free, so you can cling to Loki as you confess.

“I love you.” you breathe. “I love you, Loki.” the truth pours easily from your lips, and Loki unravels when it does. He cums, his seed spilling on your belly and breasts. You gasp at the contact, unsure of what to do. 

Loki collapses next to you, waving his hand, and the mess is gone. For a moment, you’re disappointed.

Then Loki curls up to you.

He rests his head on your stomach, arms around your waist. It surprises you, for Loki to commit two vulnerable acts so soon. 

But you love it. And him. So you stroke your fingers through Loki’s long hair, whispering those three words the whole time.


	20. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers!
> 
> I'm sorry I didn't get this chapter out last week. My life is super hectic right now- while the fires aren't an immediate danger to me anymore, they were even just six or seven days ago. My roommate also moved in last week, and it was my first week of school. Then, to top it all off, my computer completely broke yesterday and I had to go to four different stores and spend a lot of money to ensure I could get all my assignments in- and attend class of course! I made the lovely discovery I have not backed up my files since I was 16. So that's also fun. 
> 
> However, I'm back and thrilled about it. I was so touched to have a couple of you reach out to me on tumblr to see if I was okay. I honestly can't describe how thankful that made me feel. 
> 
> I also wanted to say: I am looking for a beta! It's challenging for me to write these chapters and try to weed out my errors, and I think that will only become harder as my schedule gets busier. If you're interested in getting to read chapters early and keep an eye out for grammar, dm me on my tumblr @ thelokiimaginechronicles
> 
> Okay. I hope you like this chapter <3

“I’m trying to read.” you say. Annoyance pricks at the edge of your tone, and you aren’t sure if it’s intentional or not yet. It will be if Loki keeps this behavior up.

“While I admire the effort, I’m not inclined to stop. You’re the only one here who doesn’t need to.”

Loki’s words go straight to your head. As your wedding drew closer and closer, you had begun to really wonder about your reputation around the palace. You couldn’t help but hope you were liked, but you had little way of finding out. 

And yet, if Loki enjoyed you, thought you were wise… did it matter what anyone else thought? As the future queen, this mindset was a slippery slope. 

Loki wraps his leg around yours again, under the table, and you slam your book down. It’s louder than you expected, but it furthers your point.

“Stop.” you hiss. “We aren’t alone here, Loki. Anyone could walk in.” Loki sighs, leaning back.

“Sweet girl.” he coos. You look away. “There’s no librarian, and I’ve not seen another face in this room besides yours for many years. Besides…” he cocks an eyebrow. “Even if we were seen, no one would suspect a thing. You are not seen as a rule breaker, I promise.”

“Not with reason.” you say under your breath. Loki seems to be getting… upset. Mildly, but still.

“I can’t possibly understand why you remain so concerned about the palace staff.” he says. 

“Not the whole staff.” you admit. “Just one.”

“Your maid.” Loki states. You nod. 

“Is it inappropriate to ask for a new one? I don’t want Alva thrown out, I just…” there was that word, one Loki had forbidden to pass through your lips. Just. “I think we could each be more productive if we didn’t have to interact.” Loki allows you to finish before he responds.

“Would it be inappropriate? No. But I would argue it’s unnecessary.” you open your mouth to protest, but Loki holds up a hand, silencing you. “Alva is established and respected. However, if she is truly a burden, look at this as a golden opportunity. A way to practice speaking with an unreasonable villager when you are queen.”

Queen… it would be sooner than you think. Your eyes widen at the thought of it.

“Darling.” Loki tuts. “We came here to relax.”

“I know.” you say. “But you kept trying to play footsie. And making fun of my books.”

“I don’t see why you feel so inclined to read about mortals each time you come here.” Loki tells you.

“I think Midard seems nice. They call it Earth. It’s a beautiful realm, if you know where to look.” you say. “Couldn’t you see yourself there one day?” Loki grows quiet.

“Perhaps.” he murmurs. “But not today.” Loki meets your eyes. “I do believe I’m preoccupied at the moment.”

Loki arrives at your side, drawing you out of your chair and eyeing you up and down, his gaze catching on the bodice of your dress. You won’t play coy, not today. This was one of Loki’s favorite dresses of yours, light pink and more low cut than others. It had a gold trim, one that matched those that could be found on Loki’s shirts. Thor’s too, but you elected to ignore that.

“Yeah.” you agree as you thread your fingers through black curls. “You are.”

Loki begins to kiss your neck, his lips soft and searching for more. You gasp as he bites on your clavicle, cursing and thanking him at the same time when you realize he worries the exact spot his prior mark was. It had disappeared just this week.

“Loki.” his name comes out a moan, and Loki becomes bolder in response. He hoists you up on the table, his hands bunching up your skirts as he does. “Loki.” you repeat. “The door…”

Loki’s green eyes flash, and the telltale sounds of the lock shifting into place rings in your eyes. Satisfied, you grasp the front of his shirt and bring him in towards you. 

“Wait.” Loki looks at you, almost glaring, and licks his lips. It makes you feel feral. “You’re so concerned with being found… You’ll be sure to keep yourself nice and quiet, won’t you little one?”

Defiance fires up inside you, and paired with arousal, it’s a deadly combination. 

“I’m perfectly capable of controlling myself.” you challenge. “Don’t flatter yourself, Odinson.”

Loki’s expression darkens, and he leans in. 

“Stupid girl.” he whispers. “You’re going to be screaming my name.” Loki licks the shell of your ear, and you shudder. “I’ll be surprised if I don’t have to carry you back to your chambers. You’ll be completely at my mercy.” Loki steps back, chuckling. “Well. It would seem you already are.”

The air is cold on the parts of your body Loki touched moments ago. Why did he have to be this way? So infuriating, so handsome… So right. You hated it, but you loved it too. And you never put a stop to your meetings, your partnership. Goodness, how could you?

“It’s a mutual feeling.” you untie the top of your bodice, exposing your breasts and resting a hand on one. Loki’s eyes widen, and you can see the cloth of his pants straining to hide his hardened length. You knit your eyebrows, feigning confusion. “What was that you said to me in the woods? That I’m insatiable? That you’re beginning to live for me? Something like that, I think.” 

You can barely work out what happens next, it’s so fast. You’re bent over the table in an instant, your skirts shoved up and exposing your lower half. Loki has one hand on the back of your neck, the other on your ass, and you don’t have to see the prince to know he’s fuming. 

“That was a mistake.” he growls. You gulp. “You will never, I do mean never, use my own words against me. Use yourself against me. You are too sacred, and you are not the one in control.” Loki wedges a knee between your knees, and you can feel juices pool in your center. Your heart speeds up.

Loki is gentle, in a flash. His hand combing your hair, his voice soft in your ear. “Are you alright?” he asks. He’s still angry, still hungry for you. But caring as well. With Loki, one did not have to come at the expense of the other. It makes you want him even more. 

“Yes.” you say, and it comes out angry, bringing the intensity and lust back in the room. “Yes.”

Loki begins kneading your ass, and you move your hand up so you can bite it. Mewls fall from your mouth as if there will be no consequences, and you revel in the idea that maybe this will all work out and there won’t be.

Before you can dwell on the thought you feel Loki teasing your entrance, and your hips instinctively move towards him. Wanting the god, wanting his cock. 

Loki enters you with a thrust, one harder than most. One claiming you, punishing you for what you said. You thought you were ready.

But you shout. Truly shout, a noise that echoes off the walls in a manner that would make any passerby stop to investigate. Loki stills inside you, and looking over your shoulder, you both stare at each other with wide eyes. 

You hadn’t been able to hold it in. The smell of sex in the room, the new angle… Pleasure shook through you, and Loki had scarcely done anything. As he realizes this, a smirk grows on his lips.

“Something you like?” Loki asks. You look away, cheeks burning. Loki rolls his hips slowly, drawing out the motion and making it as miniscule as possible. Your fingers dig into the table, you can feel the wood become lodged under your nails. 

Loki pulls out and thrusts in again, and this time you keep the shouts to a curse. You and Loki fit together perfectly, you knew that, but this is different. This is dangerous and new and orgasmic. Loki touches you in places you didn’t know existed, places that flowered just for him. He’s consistently inconsistent, treating you with slow movements that explore deep inside you; before pulling away and becoming one again so fast your body barely has time to react. It feels like a secret, a shared knowledge. Loki grunts above you, his breath hot and heavy on the back of your neck. For the first time, it’s Loki who cums first, pumping you full of his seed and biting your shoulder. As he bucks his hips one last time, the table breaks underneath you, and you both plummet to the ground. The wind is knocked out of you, leaving you gulping for air, but not even that is enough to distract you from who you love. Loki pulses inside you, both his hands finding yours and encapsulating them in a grip that could easily break you. 

Loki pulls away to lay on his back, drops of his seed spilling from you and staining the delicate wood floor. It feels like an extension of Loki himself stays in you, and your own orgasm is quick even if Loki is just trailing kisses down your neck again. There’s an element of shock that surrounds you both as neither of you could have known how this would turn out. 

Loki puts himself away as you try to fix your dress, but it’s been ripped and ruffled beyond recognition. Loki looks at you, and a smile tugs at his lips as his magic makes you look how you did minutes ago. He kisses you with swollen lips, and you both stand.

Your knees shake, and you begin to crumple when Loki grabs you. 

“I made good on my promise.” he informs you, and picks you up- walking in the direction of your chambers.


	21. No Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! I know this chapter is a day late, but I love it A LOT. I had a really good time writing it and I hope it shows!
> 
> Before we start, I do have two announcements to make. Number one, I found a beta, and wanted to shout them out for being so helpful and kind throughout editing! Everyone should go check out @ uquroi here on ao3, because they are the best (seriously. Do it!!!).
> 
> Second, I have decided to change the update schedule. Instead of updating "She Shall Have" every Saturday, I have made the decision to update it every other Saturday. It was not easy for me to choose to do so, but I have a very busy schedule at the moment with my classes and my job. I am currently in a tough position at work that requires all my brainpower and objectivity.   
> Updates will eventually return to once a week, but at the moment, I can't tell you how soon that will be. I feel as though posting every other week will ensure that every chapter is as good as the last, and hopefully even better. I really believe in quality over quantity and think you deserve my best work :')
> 
> Okay, you're free to read. Be sure to tell me what you think!

You couldn’t sleep.

You tossed and turned, threw your bedsheets off, nestled under them again, flipped your pillow over - all to no avail. Sleep just wouldn’t come. After hours of trying not to, you begin to think about why.

Stress was the obvious answer. But you needed to look deeper than that, find the source of it. There was the usual: being the future queen, the wedding growing closer and closer. You also had your next test with Mjolnir the day after tomorrow, and were to be presented to the entirety of that royal family. This event always made you grit your teeth.

And yet, not even that was it. No, it wasn’t Mjolnir, or any almost royal duties that were at fault for your insomnia. 

It was Loki. Moreover, his absence.

He came to your chambers every night. You never knew when, but you always knew that he would. Especially after admitting your love for him, Loki had been sure to pay you a visit every day and night. 

To tire you out, to ensure you both fell asleep and awoke in his arms. 

So where was he?

Was it possible to miss someone you saw every day? You had seen Loki this morning, enjoyed stolen kisses and sultry promises. Unkept promises, apparently, because Loki wasn’t here. 

You wonder if he thought about you the way you thought about him. The answer would either make or break your heart, so you found that to be a fruitless effort. 

You decide you have two options: remain in your room as a nervous bundle of energy, or seek Loki out. Make the night a restless one for other reasons. 

So you go to him.

You slip a robe over your nightgown, deciding to leave your feet bare as you venture out to the halls that lead to Loki’s chamber. You’re cunning, no echos from shoes or jewelry as you grow closer and closer to what you want.

Who you want.

The door opens on the first knock. Loki looks surprised, his mouth slightly ajar. He clears his throat, speaking your name with an element of awe in his voice.

“Hello, sweet girl.” he stands to the side. “Come in.”

As you walk past Loki, you let your hand drift over his chest. Loki is wearing a thin shirt, no armour or leather to impede the feel of his muscles under your palm. His skin is almost on yours.

Almost.

Loki places his hand over yours as the door closes. He’s still watching you closer than usual, but his stony expression is back. Running his thumb over your pulse point, Loki’s eyes meet your own.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” he asks, voice dripping with carefully placed emotion. You knit your eyebrows. Is he teasing you? You could do that just as well. Loki didn’t often play games with you this late, but you and your wits were perfectly awake.

“I wouldn’t say I’m owed anything,” you tell Loki, “save for your word, that is.” Loki raises an eyebrow, still not getting it. “I recognize I shouldn’t grow accustomed to your nights. They are yours to give, not mine to keep.” Loki hums, always eager to be reminded he is the one who decides. Your fingers slip through the threads of the deep v of Loki’s sleepshirt, your warm fingers dancing along the planes of Loki’s chest. He breathes out slightly, his eyes dipping. “...But it’s cruel to promise me something and disregard it. What’s your word to me if it’s disguised as a lie?”

Loki tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, letting out a sigh. Not one filled with pleasure, or exasperation - more disappointment, if anything. “I said I would visit you this morning.” he finally remembers. You nod, and as you step back, your hands leave Loki’s form. His eyes flash, as if he wants them back. 

“And you came to tell me.” he states. “You still came, at this hour.”

“Yes.” you say. 

“You test with Mjolnir is the day past tomorrow.” Loki curses, and you flinch, thinking you’ve done something wrong.

“I’m sorry.” Loki says. You blink. It’s not something he says often, and it almost makes you uncomfortable. You may have missed Loki in your bed tonight, but it didn’t cause you emotional distress. You hadn’t worried over anything. “I had some matters to attend to outside of the castle. You are always on my mind, and yet... “ Loki says nothing for a moment, choosing his words with care. “You simply were not the only thing I thought about tonight. I’m not keen on forgetting. I’m sorry I did.” Loki reaches out, taking your hand and pulling you into him. 

“Loki.” you shake your head. “It’s no big deal.” Loki presses a kiss to your neck, gentle, but with an element of something to look forward to.

“Perhaps not this time.” He admits. “But how do you know I’m not going to do it again? I suppose I ought to make it up to you.” Loki’s breaths are hot on your collarbone, and his hand is quickly gliding over your stomach and towards the tail ends of your skirt. You close your eyes. “I think you came here wanting to be ravished.” You gasp as Loki clutches the soft skin of your thigh. “I would be quite rude to deprive you of that. To not tell you how beautiful you are. How good you taste.” Loki suddenly steps away from you, his eyes scanning you from head to toe.

In a show, Loki snaps, and you feel goosebumps on your arms as the warm material of your robe disappears. You’re wearing some type of silk dress - if you can even call it that. It barely comes down past your bottom, and it’s borderline see through. You feel yourself get hot, but Loki looks absolutely enamored by you. He licks his lips, gesturing behind you to a chair in front of the mirror mounted on the wall. You swear neither had been there when you walked in the room.

“Sit.” he commands. You swallow, but make your way over. Your first few steps are unstable, and you look down to see that you’re wearing a pair of black heels. They’re higher than any pair you’ve worn before. You shiver. Is this how Loki thought of you when you weren’t with him? What he fantasizes about? The thought excites you as you sit down.

You face the mirror, able to see the extent of what Loki has done to you. Your nipples are hard, poking through the thin silk Loki has dressed you in. Your face is scrubbed clean, free of any powders or sparkles save for the brightest red on your lips. Loki appears behind you, pressing a kiss to your shoulders and running his hands down both of your biceps.

“Relax.” he murmurs. He tugs your hands behind you, and you feel something tighten around them. A rope. Loki ties it securely, but not enough to chafe. You crane your neck, trying to see him.

“Don’t look at me.” Loki reaches over you, taking your jaw and pointing it towards the mirror. “Face forward.” Loki directs his attention to your neck once more. You let out a moan as his hot tongue runs from your collarbone to jaw. Loki stares into the mirror, directly into your eyes, “I want you to see yourself the way I do. The way other men and women in this kingdom wish they could.”

You try to reach up, touch Loki back. But the ropes keep you sitting squarely in the seat, at the mercy of the hunger god looming over you.

“I don’t care about them.” you say. “Just you. I love you, Loki.”

Standing next to you, you swear you can see Loki’s member grow harder in the mirror. He kneels, peppering kisses across your jaw.

“Then watch what I do to you.” he growls. Loki grabs your neck as he presses his lips to your in a greedy kiss. You almost find it hard to breathe as Loki envelops every once of your senses. It’s like he’s drowning you while throwing you a life raft, the reason for your life, the reason for your death. Your mind almost asks for less, but your heart and body beg for more. Someday, all three will desire the same thing. But for now, you can give into your physical needs. 

Loki draws back, behind your chair. Your lipstick is messy, spread to your chin, Part of it stayed with Loki, his own lips tinted a fiery red. You match.

“Not me.” Loki drawls. “Eyes on yourself.” in no position to argue, you watch your reflection as Loki begins to massage your breast. Your mouth drops open in pleasure, back arching off the chair as pleasure overcomes your body in waves. Loki slips the silk covering you away so he can roll and your nipple between his fingers. You let out a yelp, and Loki covers your mouth with his free hand.

“Careful, love.” he says, still teasing your nipple. “Wouldn’t want to wake someone up. Startle the guards. You don’t want that, do you?” You shake your head. Loki shifts his hand from your breast, leaving it bare, to your ribs. His other hand leaves your mouth and lands on your knee. You immediately spread your legs, inviting Loki.

You’re shocked for a moment: Loki hasn’t given you any undergarments. You’re on full display, your core glistening. Loki hums, licking his lips. 

“Look how wet you are for me. How in tune we are. You’re a good girl, giving us both what we want.” Loki’s fingers knead your thighs, causing your breathing to become erratic, but even he can’t resist himself long. Loki pushes his digits inside you with ease, drawing a mewl out of your as he does. Your head drops down, your hips rising and begging for more. Unable to find words, you silently beg Loki to wander deep inside you, scratch the itch he has created. The one that only he can satisfy. 

Loki obliges, and although he may tease, he never leaves you wanting more. His thumb circles your clit and his fingers delve deeper inside you, reaching the center of your want. He adds more pressure than takes it away, touching you fast and then barely at all, all until you can’t last any longer. You make no other noise than a moan as your orgasm travels through your body in waves, tears of pleasure pricking at the corners of your eyes.

Loki grabs your scalp, pulling your head up just in time to watch him lick your fluids from his fingers. You whine. The sight is unlike anything you’ve ever seen, filling you with so much desire and appreciation that you feel like you’re about to both implode and explode. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you did. This wouldn’t be the worst of sights to be your last: you, looking like yourself, but different, and Loki, looking sated and wild all at once. 

“You’re beautiful.” he breathes, phrasing it as a statement. There is no room for argument or protest from you, Loki is a man who seldom changes his mind.

You just give him a lazy smile, tilting your head back and letting it rest on his shoulder.

You’re tired. Just like you knew you would be if you paid Loki a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I hype the chapter up enough? 
> 
> Make sure to tell me what you think in the comments, and come say hi to me on tumblr @ thelokiimaginechronicles ^.^


	22. Loki, Come Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Unexpected update!
> 
> I know I said I would be switching updates to every other week... while that's still true, I found some time today and was superrrr inspired, and I thought I would update early. Maybe it makes up for being a day late last week?
> 
> I'm giving a MASSIVE shoutout to my beta @ uquroi on ao3. They're so awesome to work with and give great feedback, make sure to check them out :)
> 
> And before this chapter starts, I do want to give a potential trigger warning. Alcohol plays a pretty big part in this chapter as one of the characters is very drunk. Stay safe readers <3

Loki was nowhere to be found. 

You weren’t worried about it, you keep telling yourself. You and Loki are not inseparable, not tied at the hip. He did not have to see you every single day.

… Even if that had been happening since you returned from your parents.

Loki wasn’t in his room, he wasn’t holding you when you awoke much later than you had intended to. He wasn’t in the library, the dining room, nor in the various hallways only he seemed to know about. It’s well past midday, yet you haven’t so much as caught a glimpse of the Trickster.

You’re attached to Loki now. In love, in lust, out of luck. Every minute that ticked away was a  
minute closer to your union with Thor. 

More urgent was your test. You had but a mere four hours before it would be determined if you could stay- if you could continue your relationship with Loki. Serve your kingdom. Keep your title. Had it really been four months since you had last proved yourself to Odin? It seemed like it was both yesterday and years ago. You couldn’t quite describe why. You just knew you were anxious and scatter-brained and wanting to be soothed.

It wasn’t Loki’s job to calm your frantic nerves. But damn, you would be lying if you said you hadn’t grown used to him doing so.

As you’re stepping back into the palace after checking the stables (and finding them empty), you feel yourself bounce back, falling to the floor.

“My lady!” Thor kneels in front of you, a concerned look on his face, “I’m sorry.” He offers a large hand. Grateful, you accept it, returning to your feet.

“No, I’m sorry.” you tell Thor. A timid smile grows on your lips, “I’m a bit distracted, I think.”

Thor smiles back. “Is it about your test today?” he asks, holding up Mjolnir. You blink, wondering if the weapon had ever left Thor’s person. Pondering the implications that it may have. 

“Yes,” you say truthfully, “among other matters.”

“Ah.” Thor nods, as if he knew exactly what you meant, “I cannot speak to those, but I have no fear for what you can accomplish today - or any other day, in all honesty.” Thor sighs. “Do not worry, my lady. Besides, what could have possibly changed from four months past?”

You feel a sudden ache in your heart. There was so much, so much that had changed. Your stay with your parents, your talks with Frigga. 

Your relationship with Loki. 

One-sided though it may be, but you loved Thor’s younger brother. Four months ago, you didn’t.

But Loki was a good man. Loving him couldn’t make you unworthy, right? 

“Right.” You say with little conviction. “Listen, Thor, I’m sorry, but I have to go -”

“Say no more.” Thor nods, stepping aside to let you pass. “I have always wondered though: is there something that you do before all this? Anything that helps calm you?”

You freeze, shoulders tensing as Thor asks. Because four or five months ago, you and Loki weren’t together. There was no leaning on him, asking for guidance. Giving it in turn.

Thor couldn’t be allowed to know that. But you can’t bring yourself to lie.

“Yes.” you settle on the word. “I didn’t always, but recently… yes.”

Thor inhales, and for a moment, you’re worried he’s going to be angry.

“Interesting.” he says. A new expression crosses over his face, one of understanding. You haven’t ever seen it before, not on him, “I won’t pry. Everyone can have something they keep to themselves. Something tells me I’m not supposed to know.” then he smiles, because Thor Odinson smiles just as much as Loki Odinson smirks, and begins to leave. “Good luck, my lady.”

It’s silly, you realize as you walk away, to think that Thor would ever grow angry with you.

You’ve lived with him ten years, and have never once seen him lose his temper.

~

You shut the door of your room behind you, kicking off your heels and letting out a sigh. If Loki was nowhere to be found, then he…

He’s in your bed.

You blink a few times, wondering if your eyes are playing tricks on you. But the form of Loki is still present, so you rush to him. As you do, you realize the empty chalices scattered across your room. Your bedsheets, which Loki lays upon, are stained red, and your room smells like wine. 

“Loki,” you take his face in your hands. “where have you been?”

Loki is… looser than usual. His eyes are hard, but he melts into your touch, feeling almost like a ragdoll. Mustering all your strength, you lift Loki enough to prop him against your headboard.

“Here.” he says, plainly. As if it’s the only possible answer. “And the kitchens to acquire a drink. I would suggest you do the same.” Loki holds up a flask, colored in his signature gold and green. Recognizing it as full, you take it and set it on the bedside table.

“Loki, what are you doing?” You ask. Confusion surrounds you at the sight: Loki’s head leans against the wood, his arms limp at his sides. He’s drunk, more drunk than Thor and his friends on banquet nights. You don’t like it. 

“I’m celebrating. Doesn’t it seem like it?” he lets out a bitter laugh. “To you. The woman who loves me, about to lift my brother’s hammer. Secure her place as his wife. Don’t you want to toast to that with me?”

You open your mouth in surprise, Loki’s words hitting slowly yet all at once. 

You had never thought about what this was like for Loki, not really. The thought of Loki being jealous, territorial, even upset had crossed your mind - but you never once thought Loki was hurt by your proposal to Thor.

It wasn’t that you thought Loki incapable of sadness. He may be the saddest person you knew. But you loved Loki, not the other way around. If anyone would escape from this mess of kings and queens and hammers unscathed, it would be Loki.

Right?

You ease yourself onto the bed, sitting next to Loki. He moves his head down so it rests on your shoulders. You reach up, carefully massaging his head. 

“I just wonder,” Loki says, echoing Thor’s words from earlier through slurred speech, “you don’t even realize it, but you have chosen Thor the entirety of our time together. Will you ever choose me?”

You gasp. A strange reaction, perhaps, but it’s involuntary. Was that how Loki felt? Was that the truth?

You held no ill will towards the elder prince. But you didn’t want him. Not in the way you were supposed to.

“I choose you.” you say, turning to Loki. His eyes seem empty, and he’s struggling to even keep them open. You bring a hand up to Loki’s neck, tracing his jaw. It seems softer, everything about Loki does right now. In a different context, you would be thrilled. “Every night, in your chambers. Every pace we walk hand-in-hand in the woods. Every kiss I give to you. I’ve only ever chosen you.”

“Then do it now.” Loki places his hand over yours. “Stay with me. Not… not Mjolnir. Stay with me.”

Mjolnir. You had minutes until the test. Instinctively, you begin to tug yourself away. Loki scowls.

“I told you.” Loki lets go. You make a pained cry in the back of your throat when he does. “Who would you pick, sweet girl? Me, or Thor?”

“You.” your answer is instant.

“Me or Asgard?”

Your throat dries. That’s a different question. You couldn’t answer that. 

And Loki shouldn’t be asking you to.

“I have to go.” you stand up, pulling a pair of boots on. Your skirts will be long enough to cover them.

Loki watches you, and last minute, you press your lips to his. Loki tastes like wine and mead, and he makes no attempt to kiss you back. It makes you feel empty. As you walk away, you wipe away a tear so Loki can’t see. 

You stop at your door, and just as you’re about to leave, you turn back.

“I’ve never known you to drink.” you say to Loki. “Not like this.”

In a moment of clarity, drunken stupor forgotten, Loki’s voice rings out clear. “You’ve never known me. It’s painfully obvious, little one.”

You swallow, hurt at the accusation. “How’s that?” Loki closes his eyes, laying back down.

“Because you can’t tell.” he murmurs. “You can’t even tell that I l…”

Loki’s last few words are muffled by the pillows. 

You bite down on your cheek. Heartbeat racing in your ears, you make your way to the throne room.

~

“Loki will not be joining us today.” Odin glances down at you. “I thank you for your patience with the delay, child. I only hope my son does not act this way as your tutor as well.”

Your chest tightens in anger. Was this how Odin talked about Loki when he wasn’t around to defend himself? It was cruel. Closing your eyes, you slowly let out a breath.

By the time you open them again, your composure is back. Odin and Frigga sit on their thrones, watching as Thor places Mjolnir down in front of you. You feel numb. Vaguely aware of Odin ending his speech, you steal a glance at where Loki would be standing next to Thor.

You reach down, grasping the leather-bound grip of the weapon that has come to control you. Your heart had been acting erratic under pressure and worry all day, but for whatever reason, it’s calm now. As if it’s not even beating at all.

You don’t even realize you’ve tugged on the hammer until you’re holding it squarely in your hand. Mjolnir is as light as ever. You cock your head to the side, but you don’t fall to the floor under its weight. Just like every other test so far, you’ve passed. 

Thor is taking it from you as quick as always while Odin watches you out of one eye.

“You’re dismissed.” he says.

Bowing your head, you take the opportunity. You leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's still worthy, y'all.
> 
> You guys have been so generous with your kudos and comments. They are always appreciated and really help me out, so make sure to comment what this chapter made you feel! It may be my favorite one so far.
> 
> Drop by and say hi to me on tumblr @ thelokiimaginechronicles! Catch you all later.


	23. Ungodly Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you're all doing well. I'm pleased to announce...
> 
> UPDATES ARE BACK TO EVERY SATURDAY!
> 
> Updates are weekly again and I couldn't be more thrilled. The story is about to pick up again as well, and I hope you all are ready for the ride. I'm so thankful to each reader and for every kudos, comment, or tumblr ask. 
> 
> As always, shoutout to my awesome beta, @ uquroi on ao3. Go show them some love!

Your steps are light and fast, hurried as you walk back to your room. You’re scared, terrified that Loki won’t be there when you return.

You pause at your door, the handle held tightly in your hand. What will you do if Loki isn’t there? What will you do if he is?

Letting out a small breath, you twist the doorknob, stepping into your room just as you hear your name.

You turn around, your heart somehow managing to sink even more. Alva. 

“I have your dresses.” she says with a curt smile. “They’re clean now. I’ll just hang them up-”

“I can do that.” You interrupt, placing yourself between your maid and your cracked door. Alva grimaces.

“Please.” She practically scoffs. “There’s no reason I can’t. It’ll just take a few moments.” the bed suddenly creaks from behind you. Alva’s eyes narrow. “Is there someone with you?”

“No.” You say, far too fast, and even you can hear the edge in your voice. “I… I hope not, at least. I’ve been out all day. I was tested again. I passed.” You keep your eyes trained on Alva. She’s taller than you, and older, and seems to be acutely aware of those things. “Seems I’ll be here awhile longer.”

“Then what was that noise?”

“It’s an old castle. It creaks.” You respond coolly. 

Wordlessly, Alva drops the dresses into your arms. She stalks away, watching you over your shoulder. 

“You know,” she muses. “You don’t wear dresses much. Just your training clothes. Even Sif dresses more like royalty than you. I thought it was a sign of… immaturity. After today, I’m enlightened. I don’t think any of us have to worry about that now.” Alva giggles, a high-pitched sound that bounces off the walls. 

You curse at the way she always manages to get the last word, but you know you can’t focus on Alva right now. You burst into your room, haphazardly throwing the dresses on your vanity. 

Loki is sitting upright on your bed, clearly alert, but he still doesn’t look good. His eyes are sunken into their sockets, and the dark hair that’s always so soft to the touch seems dry and brittle. You bite your lip. You don’t like seeing Loki this way.

“Who was that?” he asks, his voice strained. You shake your head.

“No one.” you walk over to him. Loki places his hands on your hips. You sigh, bending over so you can cradle Loki’s head.

“It was someone.”

“It was Alva, Loki, and she’s gone now.”

“Why did she sound angry?”

“I-” you take a deep breath, willing yourself not to get upset. “Because she doesn’t me, Loki, I’ve told you that multiple times now.”

Loki tries to pull you closer, but you resist, knowing you’ll fall onto the bed if you let the prince coerce you. 

“No one dislikes you. Not a single damn person in this palace.”

“Okay.” you agree, because you’re too tired to argue right now. You pull away, hands on Loki’s shoulders as you look at him. “Are you still drunk?”

Loki gives you a sad smile, shaking his head. “I can’t say I feel amazing. But the drunkenness has passed.”

You nod. You press your hand against Loki’s forehead.

“You’re cold.” you say, slightly confused. Loki jerks away.

“I’m perfectly fine.” He retorts. “There’s nothing wrong that-” you begin walking away, silencing him. “Where are you going?”

“Come with me.” you hold out your hand. Loki looks dubious. “Come on, Loki. Please.”

Loki sits up a bit taller, but he does take your hand. You turn away, leading him into the bathroom. The only sound is silence, soon joined by running water. You kneel, placing your hand in the bath. The water is warm, but not scalding. It’ll be perfect by the time you get in. 

You stand up again, flicking the water from your palm and approaching Loki once more. He watches you, his defenses up but guard lowered. It’s always that way around you. You stand on your toes, Loki’s hands on your back to steady you as you press a kiss to his forehead. You then take the hem of Loki’s shirt into your fingers. 

Loki doesn’t say anything, he just nods. You carefully pull his shirt up, your hands running over his stomach, chest, arms as you toss the shirt away. You carefully trace Loki’s pronounced collarbones, the veins in his hands. Everywhere you can, you touch. Loki doesn’t think you’re here with him right now. You have to prove you are. 

He’s nude soon, and you’re never unequals for long. You kick off your clunky boots, and Loki manages to let out a laugh.

“I take it my father didn’t see those?” He teases. You give a small smile.

“What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.” you murmur. You turn around, and Loki begins to untie the ribbons of your bodice. Your dress falls, catching slightly around your hips before it hits the floor. 

You step into the bathtub, letting out a small moan at the warmth of the water. You glance at Loki expectantly. For a moment, it looks like he’s going to refuse you.

But he never has. Loki climbs in after you, sinking between your legs, his back pressed against your chest. He runs his fingers up and down your calf, the water lapping at his elbows. 

You lean forward, giving Loki a chaste kiss on the neck before you get to work. You cup your hands, filling them with water and letting it pour over the expense of Loki’s body. You start with his hair, massaging his scalp and working out every knot you can find. You trace circles into the base of Loki’s neck, hoping to help the headache you could only assume he had. He relaxes into you, his head on your shoulder and body almost limp against yours. You don’t mind. You hum slightly, as softly as you can. Loki’s eyes are closed, his breaths even. You hope he’s enjoying himself. 

You use your favorite scented soap, mixing it with water and using it to chase away the smell of wine of Loki’s skin. His muscles seem to tremble under your touch, and you don’t know if that’s good or bad. You elect to ignore it, take note of it, but not worry. Not right now.

You finish with Loki’s hands, scrubbing his fingernails and washing red stains away. You take great care with everything, wanting Loki to be comfortable. Wanting this to be about him. 

You keep your hand in Loki’s, lacing your fingers between his. You study them. Loki’s hand is so much bigger than yours. You used to believe it was stronger. But maybe, just maybe, the two of you were equals. That didn’t seem so crazy to you anymore. 

“You know…” you say in a voice barely above a whisper. It’s like Loki is made of glass, and if you speak too loud, you’ll shatter him. “I wish I were like you sometimes.”

The water splashes a bit over the edge of the tub as Loki shifts in your arms. His eyes are still closed, but he’s somehow closer to you now. 

“Why’s that, sweet girl?” you feel a wave of relief. He’s calling you pet names again. 

“Because…” you pause. “You’re so graceful with your anger, Loki. You channel it, I see it every day. You’re so mad, so furious, yet you show me nothing but kindness. Same goes for the staff, same goes for the kingdom.” You bring Loki’s hand to your lips. “Do you remember the first time I picked up Mjolnir?” you ask. Loki seems to stop moving.

“Yes.” he says, his voice small. “Of course I do.” 

“And you remember that you saved me? Shielded a child from an attacker?” Loki makes a noise of acknowledgment, muffled by your bare skin. You scarcely even feel it. “I don’t think many people would do that, Loki.”

“You would.” Loki tells you. You smile softly. 

“It’s just different with you.” you respond. “You were taught to steal the spotlight, just like Thor. But you don’t. Maybe because you can’t, not when it’s him you have to compete with. I know it’s made you bitter, but Loki, please believe me: that’s not a bad thing. I don’t care what looks the servants give you, I don’t care what jokes you’re the butt of. You’re vengeful and clever and wholly good. I’m… I’m so happy with you, Loki. I love you so much.” you squeeze your eyes shut. “I hope I’m like you someday.”

There’s a few moments before a wave of pain travels up your arm. Loki is clutching your hand.

“No, you don’t.” he says. A cry begins to build in your throat as your circulation is cut off. “You aren’t vengeful yet. I hope you never have to be. I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that you aren’t.” Loki lets go of your hand, turning around so he can face you. He wraps his arms around your waist. “I’m going to keep protecting you, darling. I began looking out for you on that afternoon all those years ago. I haven’t stopped. I don’t plan to.”

Loki is so serious, and you are too. There’s no more words to be said.

You bow your head against Loki’s chest, gazing into your reflection in the water. Willing yourself to live up to Loki’s expectations.

And everyone else’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki needs some tlc too...be sure to tell me what you think about this week's update! 
> 
> And you're always welcome to come say hi on my tumblr, @ thelokiimaginechronicles. I answer all asks about "She Shall Have" and give some insight to my writing process whenever I'm asked about it. It's a good time!


	24. Running Up That Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope your weeks are going well and you're enjoying your October. This time of the year is one of my favorites :)
> 
> As always, BIG shoutout to my awesome beta @ uquroi on ao3. They're the coolest.
> 
> The story is starting to pick up again! I LOVE hearing all of your theories, predictions, or even frustrations. Be sure to drop me a kudos or comment if you can!
> 
> Enjoy~

Your eyes feel heavy as you open them the next morning. You expect to see, or even feel, Loki in bed next to you. You turn the side, only to be greeted by the empty side of the bed. You sigh. The indentation of Loki’s form is still visible- he couldn’t have left too long.

You stand up, slipping on a robe and stretching. You’re sore, you usually are after wielding Mjolnir. But it could also just be the stress from yesterday… You pinch the bridge of your nose. Why did Loki have to leave? You never knew what he was going to say after days like that.

You realize Loki probably needed alone time, just like everyone did. Taking a step forward, you immediately yelp in pain. There’s a broken glass bottle, devoid of any wine on the floor. You glance around the rest of the room, which is littered with shattered glass and stains. 

Well. You had to distract yourself somehow.

You get to work, pushing the hair out of your face as you begin to collect the shards of glass, scrub the floors, make the bed. For a glorious hour, you forget all about the worries that plague you everyday and simply clean. You’re even humming a made-up tune by the end of it. 

When you finish, you stand at your door, pleased with your handiwork. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice the dresses Alva had given you last night. You take them off your vanity, walking to your closet to hang them. 

But… something is wrong. Pausing, you lay them out on your bed to look at. The dresses are gorgeous, with their autumnal hues and gold lace trims. But you don’t recognize them. Not from your own wardrobe, at least.

You knit your eyebrows, trying to figure out whose these could be. You can’t come up with an answer. You think back to your encounter with Alva, how she had been so eager to hang them up herself.

And yet, these weren’t yours. You knew, and as your personal maid, Alva would know too. So what had she been doing?

You had your disagreements with Alva, there was no doubt, but you didn’t think she had truly bad intentions. How could she? You had never harmed, never so much as insulted her. 

But here you were, trying to come with an excuse on her behalf. Doing your absolute best to justify why she was using dresses she knew weren’t yours to get into your room- presumably when she thought you wouldn’t be there. Your tests with Mjolnir were the talk of the castle. There was no way she wouldn’t have known you had one yesterday. 

Hurriedly, you swap your robe for one of your dresses and pull your boots on, exiting your room. You make your way to Loki’s chambers, knocking on the door. He answers, and sensing you have something on your mind, wordlessly letting you in.

“What’s wrong love?” he asks. “You seem worried. If this is about last night, I promise you,” Loki takes your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm. “I’m perfectly fine, no doubt because of your care.”

You give Loki a smile, but it’s a weary one. “No, it’s… I’m glad you’re alright. I’m ecstatic, actually, because I hate to see you in pain. But that’s not what this is about.” Loki raises an eyebrow. He leads you to his couch, where he tugs you down on his lap. Reluctantly, you let him. “Loki.” you say. He meets your eyes. “Last night, Alva wanted to get into my room. She had these dresses, and-”

“Darling.” Loki rubs your back. “Alva is your maid. Her job revolves around you, she’s going to have to go into your room.” He looks at you expectantly. “Much like she’s been doing for the past ten years.”

“You- You aren’t letting me finish.” you say. Loki’s expression softens. He presses a kiss to your cheek, then lets you continue. “They weren’t my dresses, Loki. And when I offered to just take them, she kept saying no, that she would do it. She just kept trying to get in my room, and when I wouldn’t let her, she said…” you trail off, remembering her comments about your supposed immaturity. Loki wraps an arm around your waist.

“She said what, sweet girl?” he asks. You look down. 

“Nothing.” you tell him. “Loki, something wasn’t right. Why would Alva want to hang up dresses she knows aren’t mine? Why did she get so angry I wouldn’t let her? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Loki lets out a deep sigh, toying with the lace of your bodice before he speaks. “Do you want my honest thoughts on the matter?” you nod. “Alright.” Loki says. “It seems to me like you’re overthinking this, love. Alva can be… unpleasant, but it’s just her character. It’s nothing personal, she’s cold to everyone. I’m sure if it’s really a hindrance, you can give her a warning about respecting a future royal and this will all end. There’s no need for you to be worrying so much, I hate to see it. I hate to see you anything but happy and healthy and loved.” Loki finishes, his hands still strong on either side of your waist. You blink.

“Why aren’t you listening to me?” you ask, beginning to pull away. Loki’s mouth falls slightly open.

“What?” he asks.

“You’re on my side with every other issue. Why not this one?” you free yourself from Loki’s embrace, standing up and pacing across his room. “I’ve been telling you about Alva since the ball, Loki. Five months, and you keep dismissing it.” you look at him, demanding an answer. Loki stands, approaching you slowly. He takes your hands in his, then tilts your chin up so he can see you.

“If you feel like I’ve been neglecting your needs, I’m incredibly sorry. That is not my intention.” he murmurs, his voice calm and soothing. “Everything I do is to look out for you, love. I simply worry about what making yourself an enemy of a well established person in the palace would mean. Alva isn’t much older than I am- She’ll be serving the family for many more years to come. I wouldn’t want an actual problem to arise, then cause you to truly have to worry.” you swallow, and Loki places your arms around his shoulders so he can pull you into him. You let him, burying your face in his shoulder. He rubs yours back in slow, steady circles, waiting for you to calm down before he speaks again. “I’m trying to be wary of the politics of all this,” he says. “I hate to. If I had it my way, I would snap my fingers and all your problems would be gone. But it isn’t that simple.” you let out a small and reluctant laugh. Loki pulls away. “Do you understand, little one?”

“Yes.” you say after a pause. Loki smiles. 

“Good.” he tells you. “Now, I’m glad you’re here, because I was thinking-”

“Um, actually, I think I’m going to go on a walk.” you interrupt. You cross your arms over your chest.” Get some fresh air.” you say. Loki pauses, then gives one of your hands a squeeze. 

“Of course love.” he says. “Come back tonight, alright?” you give Loki a shrug. 

“You come see me.” you tell him. Loki laughs. You love that sound. 

“Fair enough.” he surrenders. “Until tonight.”

You slip out of Loki’s rooms and into the halls, wandering around until you make your way towards the gardens. You take your time, trying to ease the feelings of hurt that were building up inside you.

Loki wasn’t trying to ignore you. He was right, after all- if there was no issue, it would be unwise to create one. Still, you couldn’t help but feel like Loki was being dismissive. You had been trying to talk to him about this for months. All you wanted was to be listened to.

Loki wasn’t trying to make you feel unheard. But… people didn’t have to have the intention to hurt someone to actually do so.

You step out of the palace and into the sunlight, hoping the sights and smells will chase away the tears building up in your eyes. As you do, you hear a voice behind you. 

“My lady.” Thor says. His pace quickens, and soon the prince is by your side. “Are you going to the gardens? I was headed that way as well, if-” Thor pauses. “Are you alright?” he asks, sounding concerned. 

You look at Thor, at his worried expression and big round eyes. He looks... 

He looks so welcoming.

“Thor,” you ask, your voice threatening to crack. “May I tell you something?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what's going to happen... :O
> 
> I know this was kind of a short chapter, but trust me when I say next week's is longer and has SO MUCH going on. We'll both just have to wait!
> 
> As always, feel free to visit me @ thelokiimaginechronicles on tumblr! I post imagines, headcanons, uquizzes, and more, all of which are Loki-themed. I also answer *most* questions about "She Shall Have."
> 
> See you all next week (and I can't wait until then!!!!) <3


	25. Bitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah it's here! It's Saturday!! I'm so hyped for you all to read this chapter!!
> 
> I'm just gonna jump right in. Be sure to check out my fantastic beta, @ uquroi here on ao3. They rock so much!
> 
> Second, this is a pretty big chapter with a pretty big reveal so let me know what you think! Did you see it coming? Is it what you wanted? How did reading this chapter make you feel?
> 
> I'm so excited. Go forth! And just a reminder that I adore y'all :)

“I… I am not sure what to say, my lady.” Thor tells you. You nod, your hands clutching the thick marble bench you and Thor are sat on. “I had no idea Alva could be so unkind.” He looks at you, “I’m sorry you have had to feel this way for so long. I wish I had noticed.”

“Don’t,” you say, shaking your head, “no one could notice. And besides, we aren’t -” you stop yourself, horrified. Thor smiles at you.

“Friends?” he asks. “No, I suppose we aren’t. At this rate, I suspect my own brother knows you better than I do.” You glance down, uncomfortable with just how correct that statement was. “It’s no matter, my lady. I hope you don’t mind me saying, but I am glad I’m not in your position. I can’t imagine how you must have felt all these years.”

“Thor,” you say. “I want to be here. I do. I want to serve Asgard one day, and I want to help everyone.” 

It just wasn’t easy. There were so many more complications now.

“Well.” Thor stares straight ahead, “if you want my advice, I would simply tell her you’re reassigning her. My father doesn’t concern himself with servants or maids. You’re long past the age of needing a maid anyway. Loki and I haven’t had personal manservants for years.” Thor shrugs. You feel a pang of envy, wishing you and Loki could afford to be as nonchalant as the future king. “Your maid may be pious about it, but you won’t see it. With a reassignment, you would barely interact with her anymore.”

You sit for a few moments, mulling over Thor’s words. You had considered reassignment many times before… could it really be so simple? Slowly, you begin to feel a weight lifted from your chest.

“Thank you.” You stand up. “I really appreciate this, your highness, I feel… I feel a lot better.” 

Thor smiles, giving you a nod, and you begin to walk away. Just before you re-enter the castle, you stop.

“Thor?” you ask. He turns in your direction. “We are, you know.” The blond prince looks confused. “Friends.” you say, “If you’re okay with it, that is.”

Thor practically beams, he looks so happy. You almost laugh at it, the care free happy man in front of you.

“Of course!” he confirms, “I’m quite relieved by it, to be honest.” 

You blink, considering Thor may think more than you had presumed. 

You give him one last wave, then walk back to your room. 

~

You close the door behind you, glancing out of your window to see the day slowly turning into night. Loki would most likely be here within the hour. You sit on your couch, bending over to take off your boots. You’re startled when a voice rings out.

“Hello, my lady.” You let out a curse, jumping from the shock. “Ooh, careful. That language isn’t fit for a future queen, is it?” Alva grins, her features almost devilish. You swallow.

“What are you doing in here?” you ask. Alva blinks, feigning a look of innocence. 

“I’m your maid, aren’t I?” She asks, but quickly frowns. “Or… I’m not, am I? That’s what you were talking about to Thor, right? Telling him I’m so terrible and cruel, throwing accusations at me just because I mixed up a couple dresses.” Alva waits for you to respond. You grit your teeth.

“So you’re spying on me now, too?” you ask. Alva rolls her eyes. 

“Please.” She scoffs. “It’s no matter, anyway. One of the kitchen maids gave birth, and I was already asked to fill her spot. People in this palace think of me too, you know.” you feel a wave of confusion. What was she talking about?

“Well,” you say. “I suppose there’s no need for drama, then, is there? You have a different position and I have other matters that concern me. At this point, we can both just -”

“Ah, other matters.” Alva practically sings. “Is that what you’re calling your little meetings with the prince?” you pause. 

“Thor and I are to be -” you begin, but Alva quickly cuts you off.

“Oh please. We both know I’m not talking about Thor.” Your heart starts to pound in your chest, fearing the worst. “Does Loki know about your little talk with his brother today though? The staff does gossip. I’d hate for him to hear it from anyone but you.” Alva looks triumphant. You begin to feel like you’re going to vomit. 

“And why would I care if you told my tutor that I was speaking with my fiance?”

“Because Loki isn’t just your archery tutor, is he?” Alva sneers. Your blood runs cold.

“I don’t know you’re talking about.” you say. Alva claps her hands together. 

“But you do. I’ve had suspicions for a couple months now, but last night made me sure of them. Or am I supposed to believe that was Thor in your bed?” 

The very thought of that makes you grimace. Pushing through your surprise at everything, you look at Alva.

“What do you want?” you ask. The older girl gasps. 

“Well, I don’t want anything of course!” she exclaims. “No. I could tell Loki about your talk with Thor - I’m well aware you have no feelings for him, but we both know Loki has a temper - and I could also tell Odin about your affair with Loki.”

“You wouldn’t.” You can feel panic creeping over your body, starting in your feet and slowly edging up. “It’s not an affair, anyway, and - ”

“Not an affair?” Alva laughs. “You’ve really convinced yourself what you’re doing isn’t wrong, haven’t you? Norns. I’ll admit I hate you, but I never thought you were stupid. You are engaged to Loki’s brother. In which realm is that not having an affair?” she shakes her head. “No matter. It’s no matter because I think it will be much more satisfying to see how this all plays out. The longer it goes on, the more hurt everyone will get, and the more angry the kingdom will be. I intend to see it all.”

Your hands are shaking, and you can taste blood from biting down on your cheek so hard. Your vision is beginning to blur, whether it’s from tears or rage, you can’t tell.

“Why are you doing this?” you ask, “I don’t understand.”

Alva’s face transforms, shifting from cruel to the absolute most angry expression you’ve ever seen in your life. You’re ashamed to admit it, but it scares you. Just for a moment. 

“Did Loki ever take you to the marble bench and pillars in the woods?” Your heart feels like it stops. She’s talking about one of your first outings together, all those months ago.

It was the first time you made him cum. You don’t say anything.

Alva smirks. “I thought so. I took him there, you know. I showed it to him. I showed him a lot of things, actually. I’m sure you’re reaping the benefits. Loki knew nothing about women before me.” Your mouth drops open.

“You… You were with Loki?” you manage. Alva smiles.

“With him? I was Loki’s first. First love, first secret, first… well, you know.” Alva bites her lip. “I would have thought he’d tell you. Seeing as you have such a problem with me.” she sighs. “I really do have to go. New job, and all. But um… tell Loki I say hi, will you? He tends to avoid me now. That’s your fault, but no worries. I won’t hold it against you.” 

Alva walks out of your room, pausing at your vanity to knock over one of your perfume bottles. It crashes to the floor, shattering. You flinch. It was one of your least favorite bottles, a sickly sweet smelling liquid. The odor begins to fill your room.

“Just because you’ve gotten so good at cleaning.” She says, and with that, she’s gone. 

You don’t move. You stay there, sitting on your couch, knees pulled against your chest. You’re stagnant: your thoughts, your body. Nothing seems to draw you from your trance, pure and unadulterated shock rendering you useless. 

A mist of green surrounds you, taking up your whole room as Loki manifests in front of you.

“We,” he says, seething. “...Need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. There's that. Alva really dug her heels in deep. Did she have some valid points? Let me know what you think in the comments! It means the world and I am more interested than ever in what you guys have to say.
> 
> You're all amazing and I'll see you next Saturday. Stay safe <3
> 
> Oh yeah... Happy Halloween 🐍


	26. Sweet Melody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you're all doing well amongst the various stressors of 2020. I know things are crazy and I hope you're all taking care of yourselves <3
> 
> On a happier note... WE REACHED 500 KUDOS! I honestly haven't been active enough on ao3 to know how big that is, but let me just say it's a pretty big deal to me. Thank you all so much for a continued interest in "She Shall Have", it's so cool and amazing to see!
> 
> As always, this was beta'd by @ uquroi. Check them out!
> 
> Happy reading~

“I think so.” You retort, matching every bit of Loki’s rage. Your body begins to become its own again, recovering from shock and letting you move. You stand, your hands still shaking, but clenched into fists. You open your mouth to speak, but Loki beats you to it.

“I saw your… your get-together with Thor. Need you insult me like that?” He hisses. “Are you really so sensitive about a chambermaid that you would go to that oaf of a brother for help? You are acting rash, darling, and stupid.” Loki spits out the word darling like an insult. Much to your surprise, and to Loki’s, it has no effect.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your past with Alva?” You ask. Simply, straight to the point. No dramatic tears, no angry blows. There’s barely even a trace of accusation.

You just want to know.

Loki pauses, and then he does something you’ve never seen: he sputters. He knits his eyebrows, cocks his head, opens his mouth in surprise, but you don’t care about any of it. 

“I beg your pardon?” He asks. You let out a laugh, but it’s full of hurt and betrayal. You’re desperately trying to hold onto your rage, but it’s escaping you. Melancholy is quickly taking its place.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You ask again, “because she just told me. Everything. That she knows about us - that’s why she hates me, isn’t it? Because she’s still in love with you.” Loki says nothing. You scoff, knowing his silence means you’re correct. “Five months, and you’ve said nothing. You knew, Loki, you knew!” Tears begin to spill from your eyes, and you do your best to wipe them away. “You said I was overthinking it, you said it wasn’t something to pay attention to. You lied to me, Loki!” you let out a sob. “You promised you would never lie to me.” You say, defeated. 

“Alva is a bitch who should never have caused you any type of discomfort.” Loki spits. “I had absolutely no idea she was taking it so far. If you had told me - ”

“I did tell you!” You keep your voice just below a scream, “and you ignored me. This whole time, you have ignored me. She told me she was your first love, your first…” you can’t say it, shaking your head. “And what she left unsaid was enough too. That I’m not… I’m not anything to you. No more than the other maids and stable boys you let into your room.” 

Loki’s expression darkens as he takes a step forward, grabbing you by the arms so hard it hurts. You don’t move, neither of you breaking eye contact.

“Listen to me.” He growls. “I fucked Alva, and whoever else you’ve gotten into your head. I make love to you. Do not discredit how I feel.”

“Then don’t do the same to me.” You defy him. “Let. Go.” 

Loki swallows, releasing you and taking a step back. 

“I did not… I did not understand the extent of her implications.” Loki sits on the foot of your bed, and you mirror his actions, sitting across from the man on the couch. “It would be fair to say you left out certain details, yes?” Loki meets your eyes. You cross your arms over your chest.

“Yes.” you admit. 

“Alright.” Loki pinches the bridge of his nose. “I am sorry I did not listen. I thought that because she didn’t know about us, that she just had an idea that there may be… something. She would stop soon enough. You are right. I didn’t listen, and I wanted to ignore it, so I told you to do the same. That wasn’t fair of me.”

You nod, looking at your hands. Your nails are dirty from the gardens. You try not to pay it any mind. “Thank you.” You say.

“And I understand why you went to Thor.” Loki continues. “I pushed you away on this subject, and you needed someone who would listen. I’ll be sure that I never make that mistake again.”

“You should have told me about her. About… the two of you.” You say. Loki looks at the floor.

“You’re right. The moment you told me there was a problem, I should have confessed.” He agrees. “But I didn’t want to. I have nothing positive to look back on with Alva, and I dislike even hearing her name.” You feel a pang of guilt, but you know it’s misplaced. “And it was years ago, little one. I wasn’t even twenty.” Loki glances at you. “I didn’t want to tell you because it isn’t a part of my life I’m proud of. I don’t like thinking about it, and I find doing so unproductive. Especially now that I’m with you, and I’m in…” Loki stops talking. 

“You’re in what, Loki?” you ask. He meets your eyes.

“In states of complete happiness when I’m with you.” he finishes. Hesitantly. 

“Oh.” you say.

“And I didn’t want what’s going on right now to happen. Regardless, it obviously has.” Loki lets out a bitter laugh. “I know it’s hard, but… I need you to tell me what she said, love. I can’t fix it if I don’t know.”

You take a deep breath, clutching your skirts in your fists. You look over at Loki. He’s watching you, looking like he wants to run over and scoop you in his arms. He probably does. And you want him to. Neither of you are holding on to the anger you felt mere minutes ago.

You begin to repeat Alva’s words, her taunts about her past with Loki, her taking a new job in the kitchens, and her promise that she wouldn’t tell anyone about you both.

“Do you believe her?” You ask once you’ve told Loki everything. “Do you think she’ll let anyone know?”

Loki ponders this for a moment, mulling everything over.

“No.” he finally says. “I don’t. If her intentions are as cruel as they seem, I do not think anyone will know about us unless we choose to tell them. Alva does just about everything wrong, but she follows her word.”

It hurts, that Loki knew Alva well enough to say that so confidently. He had a luxury you didn’t: You had never been with anyone else, man or woman. Loki didn’t have to torture himself with comparisons, worry about past flames. You did. 

“Hey.” Loki’s voice lifts you from your thoughts. “Come here.”

You walk over to him, sinking into your bed and letting your head rest against his chest. 

“This was a big deal, wasn’t it?” you ask. Loki rubs your back.

“I believe so, yes.”

“But we’ll get past it?” You ask.

“Do you still love me?” Loki ventures.

“Yes.” You say, barely loud enough to hear.

“Then yes, sweet girl, we will.” Loki presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Give it time.”

You want to find comfort in Loki’s words, but you just can’t.

Time is the one thing you don’t have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least they talked it out, right? Also, I had been saving Loki's first "fuck" of the story for this chapter. Did it pay off? 
> 
> Be sure to tell me what you think and tune in next week! I can't give too much away, but let me tell you, chapter 27 will be... exciting for sure :O


	27. Grandiose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! This is a super duper exciting week, and I'll tell ya why:
> 
> 1) I started a new Loki multi-chapter right here on ao3, and I am LOVING writing it so far! It's called "A Study In Suit", and it's a Professor! Loki x reader fic. I'd love it if you'd check it out, we're two chapters in already and it's a vibe for sure.
> 
> 2) I have a very exciting extra chapter of "She Shall Have" to post today, all thanks to the coolest beta out there, @ uquroi. Stay tuned for that <3
> 
> 3) THIS CHAPTER. I've been waiting to post this one, and I hope you guys can see why.
> 
> That's all for now! Happy reading folks, and be sure to tell me what you think :D

Loki is right: It was taking time.

It’s not that your trust was shattered in him… Or maybe it was. Things were just tenser than usual with you and your lover. You didn’t blame him, necessarily, for anything. But that didn’t mean he was blameless. And Loki knew you, he could sense you felt that way: the air around Loki seemed tight and angry. You almost couldn’t breathe.

But you felt the same way when you weren’t around him. Just like all your other arguments, your body and mind called for Loki in his absence. It just rejected him when he was finally around. 

You wonder if Loki felt the same way. He wanted to be with you too. You knew the god well enough to know you wouldn’t be in his company if you weren’t welcome. But his touch was distant; it was too harsh, or too light. It was as if Loki couldn’t figure out how to dote on you.

This wasn’t the end of anything, you knew that.

But it felt like it. That was almost bad enough. Even in the most intimate of moments, the hesitancy was obvious. It was like your bodies didn’t even fit together anymore: your teeth clashed when you kissed, and most nights only one of you was satisfied enough to cum. There was just something that broke. You were mending it, both of you, but it wasn’t simple.

Hope begins to flutter inside you again when you see each other unexpectedly in a seemingly empty hallway. Loki’s eyes brighten just a tad when he notices you, and his fingers brush yours as he passes. It’s an illicit thing to do outside of the safety of a closed door. Perhaps you should be worried or scandalized, but you’re not. It makes you smile, look forward to your next meeting. 

Alva is at the next corner you turn, looking furious. So the hallway wasn’t empty after all.

It almost stops you in your tracks, the knowledge that you may have been found out. But Alva already knows. 

You can find no value in worrying about a threat that has already been made. You keep walking, eyes straight ahead and confident as you do.

Your hope wasn’t misplaced, you find out later that night. Loki visits you, and it’s as though no anger or worry ever even existed at all. 

You smile as you fall asleep. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t all end up poorly after all.

~

“But Odin hasn’t made us all dine together for months.” You groan the next morning. Loki, topless and next to you in bed, shifts so he can face you.

“I know.” He says, tracing the curve of your collarbone. You make a face, it tickles. “And I don’t mean to discredit your feelings darling, but believe me when I say: No one wants it less than I do.”

You flop on your back, staring up at the ceiling. “That’s fair.” you mumble. 

“Hmmm.” Loki begins peppering kisses up your arm, causing waves of warmth to radiate through you. “It shouldn’t be too bad… I’ll be there.”

“Better be.” You respond. You feel Loki grin against your skin. 

“I. Promise. You.” Loki presses his lips against yours between each word. You giggle, reaching and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “I’ll be there.” you smile. “But I do have to go.” 

You sigh, but let go of Loki, allowing him to dress. You watch him, a small smile growing on your lips. This moment was so mundane. You wished it could last forever. 

“I know you’re watching.” Loki turns around, buttoning his shirt. You bury your face in your pillow. “It’s alright.” Loki says. “It’s nice that you find me attractive.”

“Everyone does.” you say.

“I don’t care about everyone. I care about you.”

You get up, walking to Loki and bringing him into a hug. Loki leans into it, sighing.

“I’m glad we’re not angry anymore.” you whisper. 

Loki cups your face in his palms, pressing a kiss to your lips that takes your breath away. 

“Me too.” He agrees.

He leaves, silent and careful as ever, and you find yourself feeling happier in his wake.

~

“I’m glad we could all make it.” Odin says. You fidget. The Allfather’s voice is loud, filling the dining hall and echoing off the walls. “The queen and I have something to discuss.”

You almost look across the table to where Loki sits, but you catch yourself. You look towards Thor instead, but he is silent, staring at his lap. You begin to feel uneasy. 

“As you know,” Odin begins. “This past test with Mjolnir was the final one before the wedding between you and Thor.” You realize Odin is talking to you, and force yourself to meet his eye. As always, it is unforgiving. “The time of your wedding with my son is growing closer. As such, I propose that -”

Odin is interrupted by one of the maids bringing in a cart of food. You realize it’s Alva, cursing your luck. This, and so many other reasons, was why you had grown accustomed to taking meals in your room. 

Alva takes her time serving everyone, pouring wine and setting down plates of filling food. She takes her place near the door, curtsying and sending you a smirk. No one else notices it, so you pretend not to. 

There’s a few moments of the clatter of silverware against plates as everyone begins to eat. Still uneasy, you elect to drink water instead.

Odin eventually clears his throat again, and you tell yourself to pay attention. 

“Because the wedding is close, we’ve decided it’s time to take action. Planning is of the utmost importance, and we need everyone’s role in the event to be discussed.” You look at Loki. His knuckles are white around his glass of wine. Thor is still quiet, while Frigga looks different. “The whole of the kingdom will be invited, and no expenses shall be spared. We expect the ceremony to be quick and… Celebratory. You and Thor will need to establish yourself as the next rulers of Asgard.”

Your head begins to spin, a bout of nausea overcoming you. You weren’t prepared to think about this in such detail, let alone talk about it. Slowly, you begin to eat, hoping it will settle your stomach. That, and it will give you a reason not to talk.

Odin’s words get more and more distant as you tune them out. You let out a steady breath, hoping you’ll feel normal again in a minute. The room begins to turn, and you grip the edge of the table in an attempt to feel steady. You let out a cough, then two. Three.

“My lady?” Thor lays a hand on your shoulder. “Are you alright?” He asks. The faces of the royal family watch you with concern. 

“I’m fine.” You say, but begin coughing again. You can’t breathe, every cough ripping through your body and setting your throat ablaze. You stand up, but soon fall to the ground, unable to keep your balance.

All at once, your body begins convulsing, writhing on the floor as you fight for air. It doesn’t come, and the pain is so intense that you begin to lose consciousness. You open your mouth, your lungs fighting for air, but it feels like your whole chest is collapsing in on itself, dragging you down into a deep dark pit.

As you gasp for oxygen, you’re vaguely aware of Loki kneeling next to you, cradling your head, and squeezing your hand. 

“What’s going on? You have to breathe, alright, you have to - GUARDS!” Loki is frantic, looking absolutely terrified. You think Thor is with you too, but you can’t tell. All you’re aware of is the fire that seems to be trapped inside you, boiling your blood and completely incapacitating you. 

Just as your vision begins to go black, you’re able to make out Odin and the guards surrounding Alva. She meets your gaze, raising her hand and waving. 

It’s the last thing you see. Despite the brothers of Asgard begging you not to, you close your eyes.


	28. Alva (extra)

Well... I tried really hard to figure out how the heck to post an image on ao3, but to no avail. Basically, my AMAZING beta drew their vision of Alva, and seeing as we're right in the middle of her character arc, I figured this would be a great time to show y'all! Because I couldn't get the image to show up, I'm providing a link to my tumblr post where you can view the drawing of her! And make sure to follow my beta's accounts- lowlandjazz on tumblr and instagram, and of course, @ uquroi here on ao3.

[Here's the link!](https://thelokiimaginechronicles.tumblr.com/post/634807715422715904/she-shall-have-readers-this-ones-for-you)

Let me know- is that how you imagined Alva? If not, what's different? And if any of you are ever interested in drawing fanart, dm me- maybe by then I'll have figured this website out 😂

Until next week, guys ❤️❤️❤️


	29. Take Yourself Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! That was quite a cliffhanger we left off on last week, huh? Don't worry, this chapter marks you all getting a break from those. Because it was such an intense ending, I'll say no more than to check out my beta @ uquroi on ao3.
> 
> Happy reading- and be sure to tell me if you like what ended up happening to Alva~

When you open your eyes, nothing is familiar. Not your clothes, not the bed you’re laying in, or the room it’s in.

The first thing you realize is how weak you feel. You shift yourself so you’re sitting up, practically using all your strength in doing so. You look down, seeing that you’re wearing a thin white dress. It looks and feels like gossamer. Your hands are pale, sickly looking. 

Your name rings out next to your ear, and you blink a few moments, processing the noise. Your name gets repeated.

“My love?” Loki asks. 

Loki sits on a stool next to you. He seems unwell too, his eyes sunken and face tainted with worry. He’s holding one of your hands, even though it’s clammy.

“Loki?” You ask, horrified at your voice. It’s raw and hoarse. “What happened?”

“Sweet girl.” Loki leans forward, quickly catching your lips against his. It takes you by surprise, and when Loki pulls away, you find yourself thrown into a coughing fit. “I’m sorry.” he says. You shake your head, trying to tell him it’s alright, but you can’t. Loki waits for it to pass, watching you like a wounded animal. Maybe you should be angry, but that’s what you feel like.

“What - how long have I been here?” you ask. Loki shushes you, handing you a glass of water. He refuses to answer until you’ve drunk it all.

“Two days.” He says in a quiet voice. Your mouth drops open, eyes wide at Loki. He looks down. “I know.” He murmurs.

“I don’t understand.” You feel like you’re about to cry. Loki runs his thumb up and down your lifeline.

“You were poisoned.” He whispers.

“What?” You exclaim. You feel your chest tighten, panic beginning to set in.

“Hey. I’m right here. Stay with me, please.” Loki presses his forehead against yours, calming you down. “I’m right here. Right here.” You feel yourself gradually relax, and Loki must begin to as well, he gives you space again.

“It was Alva.” He begins to explain. “She poisoned your food as it was coming out of the kitchen. The serum she used… It’s not easy to get one’s hands on. It’s lethal. The only reason you survived is because of my mother’s Aesir.” Loki swallows, and you see a tear fall down his cheek. Quickly, he wipes it away. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes with a strained laugh. You shake your head. 

“Don’t be, Loki, this isn’t your fault.” You try to assure him, but he won’t listen. 

“Yes, it is.” Loki says. “Yes, it is, because you told me about Alva so many times. I had the opportunity to listen to you each time, and I never did. I am upset, I’m furious, that I continued to believe her innocence. I’m upset that I didn’t believe you. And… the reason I’m so angry is that I didn’t listen to you, even though I… Even though I love -”

The door bursts open, and Thor walks through the doorway. Loki looks down, wiping away a few stray tears. You stare at him, dumbfounded. 

“My lady.” Thor says. “You’re awake.” He walks over and stands next to Loki, towering over both of you. “How do you feel?”

You give a weary smile. “I could be worse.” you say. 

“Well… It should please you both to know that the trial is happening right now.” Thor tells you. You look at him, then Loki.

“Trial?” You ask. The brothers turn towards you.

“Yes.” Thor answers. “Alva’s. My father is deciding right now whether or not she will be put to death.”

You feel your stomach drop. “Death?!” you explain, though it makes your throat feel like it’s on fire. “For what?”

“Treason.” Thor answers incredulously. 

“No. No!” You begin to stand, your knees threatening to buckle. You fall forward, Thor catching you with a large arm. He looks at you with confusion, matching with Loki’s. “You have to take me. You have to take me to her.” you sound desperate.

“Why?” Loki demands. “She tried to kill you.”

“Killing her won’t be an answer.” you respond. “She can’t die because of me, Loki. She - She’s barely any older than you. This isn’t right.” You glance up at Thor. “Please,” you beg, “take me to them.”

Thor looks at Loki. Begrudgingly, Loki gives him a sharp nod. Thor scoops you up in his arms, carrying you out the room. Loki is close behind, his hand grazing over your back. The light of the sun makes you shrink, but you don’t let the brothers take you back.

Thor lets you down just outside the throne room, but you still have to cling on his arm for support. You look at Loki, wishing for him to say something. He doesn’t.

Instead, the younger prince opens the golden door, striding in as you limp after him. Thor is patient, seemingly unperturbed by the looks of disdain from the palace advisors and guards.

Alva stands in front of Odin, her arms shackled. Her long hair is loose, and her face is scrubbed of its usual rouges and drawn lines. She looks younger.

She looks scared.

“What are you doing here?” Odin stands, his cape flowing behind him. Normally, it would make you afraid. But here you were, the weakest you’d ever been. There wasn’t a point in being afraid, not really.

“She wanted to come.” Thor says evenly. Odin’s eye narrows. 

“And you let her?” He asks, then catches a glimpse of Loki. “Both of you?”

No words are said. You stand taller. 

“Allfather.” You bow your head, fearing if you tried to curtsy you would collapse. “You can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” Odin seems scandalized. “Punish someone for breaking the laws of my kingdom? Ensuring the safety of my subject? The safety of you?” He sits back down. “Leave.” he orders you. 

You feel Thor begins to shift, getting ready to listen. You hold fast.

“No.” You say. Your voice is small, and still worn from the poison. Still, in such a silent hall, you may as well have yelled.

“Excuse me?” Odin booms. You shrink back, but Loki and Thor are there to catch you.

“No.” You repeat. “Not if the punishment is death. I… I won’t let you.”

All eyes are on you as Odin silently seethes.

“Stupid girl.” He spits. You sense Loki begin to grow angry. You silently will him not come to your defense. “I am doing this for you.”

“No, you’re not.” You defy him. “Because I don’t want this.” you see Frigga approach Odin. She doesn’t seem to settle his temper. “Allfather, I respect your wisdom and your years. I thank you for keeping me protected. There’s no doubt I would be gone if it weren’t for you and your family,” you try to soothe your king. “but… I don’t want death attached to my reign before it even begins. I’m not like you, Allfather, my heart has not yet been hardened against forgiveness.” You look at Alva. She refuses to look back. “Alva is an unkind girl, and she’s been cruel to me in my time here. But I don’t wish death upon her. She poses a threat to no one in Asgard but me. This punishment, ultimate in its nature, would be done to her in my name, and that is why I must reject it.”

Odin stares you down, his single eye scanning the crowd. 

“And what,” he questions you, “do you propose as an alternative?”

You take a moment, thinking quickly. Sweat builds on your forehead, your body signaling you to take it back to bed, but you push the feelings away.

“Take her to my parents.” you tell Odin. “They’re proud like she is, and they need another daughter to take my place. Your watchful eye can rest knowing all my enemies are in one place.”

“This will set a precedent,” Odin begins, “you will be telling all of Asgard you are weak.”

“No.” a new voice interrupts. Frigga meets your eyes. “Her status would be solidified as the heart of Asgard. A kind ruler, able to look at things with empathy and still be realistic. Asgard would have a new type of queen.”

You smile at Frigga, grateful for her words. Loki stands straighter by your side, and in that moment, you know you’ve won.

Odin stares you down, obviously angry, but unable to act on it. 

“Very well,” he declares. “Guards, take the servants to my ward’s parents.”

The guards step forward, grabbing Alva’s arms and leading her away. As she passes you, your old maid slams her elbow into one of the guard’s ribs, freeing herself and leaping towards you. She grabs your hand, looking you in the eyes.

“Thank you.” She says, and you think this is the first time Alva has ever said something genuinely to you.

She’s violently yanked away before you have a chance to respond. Loki throws her back to the guards, his eyes wild and protective as they begin to re-chain her arms behind her back.

“Get her the fuck out.” He growls. The guards look shaken, surprised at the outburst, and they listen. Soon, Alva is gone, leaving just the royal family and advisors.

And you.

“Thor?” You ask, your vision beginning to blur. “I don’t I can -” you begin to slump to the ground, Thor picking you up just in time.

The brothers wordlessly return you to your room in the hospital wing, Thor gently setting you back in bed. He begins to lift the covers for you, but Loki stops him.

“I can assist her further.” He informs the other man. “Father will not want you two together after you supported her against him- quite literally, I may add." 

Thor opens his mouth to protest, but stops himself, nodding instead.

“I will go speak to him.” Thor steals a look at you. “Take care of her, brother.”

“Did you not just witness what I did?” Loki asks. “I don’t need to.”

Thor smiles, taking his leave. Loki shuts the door behind him.

“Loki.” You begin, but you’re shushed. Loki begins to pull the blankets over you, making sure that you’re warm. He even lifts your head and fluffs the pillows. 

“Your body is tired, love, and it needs rest.” he closes the curtains, darkness engulfing the room. Loki’s right, you can feel yourself drifting away. Still, you try to stay awake. “I… that was something else. You are the strongest person I know. I’m so proud of you.”

You smile, nestling under the covers.

“Thanks.” You whisper. You feel Loki’s lips against your forehead.

“Sleep now, sweet girl.” he murmurs. You nod, your eyes shutting. You hear one last thing before you fade out. 

“Sleep, and know I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this what you wanted? Is it fair? Was it the right choice? Be sure to let me know!!


	30. All The Things She Said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here it is: The last Alva chapter. Pretty crazy, huh? 
> 
> I hope you all got to have some time off this week and are staying safe as most areas enter a second lockdown. It sounds cheesy, but we really are all in this together.
> 
> As always, be sure to follow my wonderful beta, @ uquroi. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Loki spent every night with you. He stayed in the creaky old chair in the hospital wing, and when you regained enough strength to return to your room, he stayed with you there too.

He always made sure to touch you. Take your hand in his or place a kiss on your neck. It was like Loki was reminding you - and himself - that you made it. You survived, you were here, you loved Loki.

And he loved you.

You didn’t ask Loki to say it again. You didn’t need to. He told you when you woke up, when there was silence to be filled. It was a lullaby now, a whispered promise as you drifted to sleep.

“I love you.” he said. “I love you,” he murmured. “I love you.” he swore.

It made your heart full. Too full. So you would just give Loki a tired smile. It was all you could muster.

~

When you moved back into your room, the first thing you did was bathe. Loki wanted to be with you, it was obvious he wasn’t going to be keen on letting you out of his sight for a long time. But despite opposing Odin a mere few days before, you felt small. Weak. You wondered if you would ever fully regain your strength. You needed this, you needed the small things. You were still you. Still an adult. You could take a bath by yourself. You weren’t so helpless yet. 

You feel like a new woman when you emerge, hair wet and hospital clothes replaced with your sleeping gown. Loki is waiting for you, approaching you quickly. He tugs you into his chest, burying his face into you. You can feel Loki’s nose on your collarbone, his breath on your breast. He holds you, losing himself in the sights and feels for a safe and healthy you.

You relax, melting into Loki in a way that feels brand new. It was different now, more real. You weren’t just Loki’s anymore, he was yours too.

You lead him to bed, pulling the covers over your bodies and placing your head on Loki’s strong chest. His heart beats as it always does, slow and steady and comforting. You fall asleep soon after, relieved by the fact Loki will too. He was chasing sleep, you knew that. But everything is over now. He could rest.

~

Your slumbers in the next few weeks are deeper than ever. Your body is still exhausted after fighting off the poison, and your mind from fighting off Odin. You keep the curtains drawn, and between the darkness, Loki’s form, and the heavy blankets, you drift in and out of sleep and do little else.

Sometimes, you stir and search for Loki in the dark. His form isn’t always next to you like it should be. But eventually, he returns. 

You don’t think much of it. 

But then the pacing wakes you up. The locks clicking, every single one in the room, puts you on edge. Loki walks the entirety of your room, always check, check, checking the windows. The door. The bathroom. He’s looking for something.

Or someone.

It’s the fourth night, and you’re worried. You approach Loki from behind, run your hands over his muscled biceps. Wrap an arm around the prince’s waist, press your hand against his sternum. Press your lips against the back of his neck. You tell him to come back to bed, in a voice that’s soft but sounds like a yell so late in the night. 

Loki turns to face you, and you almost gasp at his bloodshot eyes and cracked lips. You shake your head, squeezing his hand.

“Come to bed.” you whisper. “You need to sleep.”

Loki obliges. To your knowledge, at least.

~

It’s the seventh night, and you’ve lost count of how many times the locks have clicked under Loki’s hand. You stand, walking towards your lover. 

“Loki,” you say. “You… You have to tell me.”

He’s motionless, staring down. You take him to the bed, and you both sit on the edge. You’re quiet. Patient. Loki will talk to you, you’re sure of it. After the past few weeks, you’re certain there’s no more secrets.

“I have to keep you safe.” he finally admits. You let out a slow breath, taking in Loki’s words. You almost wish he hadn’t said them: six words, each a blow to your heart.

You didn’t need Loki to do that. He didn’t need to drive himself mad with such a task. You tell him so.

He just shakes his head.

“She’ll come back.” Loki tells you. He begins to quiver, the whole bed shaking. You reach over and rub his back. “So I check the locks. I make sure she can’t see in the windows. Make sure she isn’t hiding in the closets or under the bed. I won’t let her hurt you - I won’t let her hurt us again.”

You haven’t seen Loki like this. Not so fragile, never so humbled. 

“Loki.” you take his hand, bringing it up to kiss his palm. Tears slip down your cheeks as you do this, some drops inevitably hitting Loki’s skin. You both do your best to ignore it. “You have to tell me.” you say, your voice cracking. “You have to tell what Alva did. You can’t… You can’t keep bottling up your feelings like this. You have to confront it, you have to… Trust me.”

Loki meets your eyes, his own shiny. 

“I don’t want you to see me like this.” he turns away. “This isn’t me.”

“Yes it is.” you tell Loki. “Feelings aren’t weakness, Loki.”

“Not all of them.” he concedes. “Like you, you… Make me stronger. I won’t ruin that.”

“I’m never going to want you to be invincible.” you lean your head against Loki’s shoulders, closing your eyes. “I’ve only ever loved you, Loki. Not your front or appearances, not an idealized version of you. You.”

Loki is silent. He presses a shaky kiss to your forehead, letting out a breath. 

“I was younger than you are now, when Alva approached me,” he begins. “And proud. She taught me things I couldn’t possibly have known. She heard whispers around the castles not even my father did. I was enamored, and swept up in it all. It is... Hard to explain, love. It just wasn’t right, between us. She sucked the life right out of me, made me a shell. And when I realized, despite the power imbalance, despite her being my senior, that Alva needed me more than I needed her…” Loki sucks in a breath. “She became downright cruel. Like another person, so vengeful and tactful. She screamed and bargained and begged. It was over by then.” He shakes his head, bumping your own when he does. “I resolved to never be so bitter. Jaded, perhaps, but never have unfounded anger. Alva took a lot from me. And then she - she tried to take you.” 

Loki stiffens, and you raise your head. His eyes are dry now, and he’s watching you like you’re about to break into a million little pieces.

“But she didn’t.” you promise. “I’m here, Loki. And I - I think I’m always going to be.”

Loki holds your gaze for a few moments before he wordlessly presses you into the mattress. You let him, looking up as he towers over you. Loki traces your jaw with his fingers, runs his mouth over your neck. His hands move almost of their own volition over your clothed body, remembering every bit of you that existed and breathed life underneath him.

“I’m here.” you repeat, over and over again with each touch. Loki makes pained noises in response, as if he doesn’t believe you. It’s like you’re just one of his tricks, and if he takes a hand off you, you’ll disappear back into his mind. So you keep saying those words, and Loki keeps touching you, and you both make promises you have every intention to keep.

Loki still holds himself over you, even as his arms begin to shake. Exhaustion. Yes, you were gods, but Loki hadn’t slept for weeks. You place a hand on his chest, and as you talk, your lips just barely brush over Loki’s.

“It’s over now.” you say, and Loki collapses beside you. He gathers you in his arms. “She’s gone, Loki. She isn’t here. Not with me. Not you. It’s just us now. We can relax.”

Loki must believe you, because he’s gone silent. The even breaths clue you in, and as Loki sleeps next to you, you remain awake, allowing your eyes to adjust in the dark.

It’s over now.

You’ve never felt so safe.


	31. In Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for last week's lack of an update. I'm an English major, which means instead of finals, I just have a bunch of papers due. One of them was sixty pages! I just did not have the time to put out a quality chapter, and I feel like that's what y'all deserve. I'm sorry about that!
> 
> It's also worth mentioning that this story is nearing its end. Not rapidly, but it's getting there! The latest is should end if February of 2021, though I think it will finish in January. To my knowledge, it will have around 42 chapters. I'll have a definite number soon enough :)
> 
> Be sure to visit my beta, @ uquroi everyone! They rock.
> 
> Happy reading, and let me know what you think!

Life after Alva doesn’t immediately become magical.

You’re walking on eggshells around Odin now - well, you always were, but it wasn’t an unspoken occurrence now. You kept your head bowed when you passed him in the halls, avoiding his eye in the dining hall. There was talk of an impending Jotun attack. Rumors were abundant in the palace now.

And yet, you felt safe. It was as if you were living in that last moment before danger hit. You knew it was coming, but you also knew in this second, you were safe. You couldn’t bring yourself to feel anxious, no matter what you do.

Especially not with Loki between your legs.

“Sweet girl,” he practically coos, sucking on the soft skin of your thigh. You moan, your head dropping back into the pillows. Loki’s pillows. You loved being in his room. Knowing you were somewhere few had ever been somehow made you feel even more intoxicated. 

You were already addicted to loving Loki. At this point, everything else just furthered the feeling.

“You’re so beautiful.” He murmurs against your skin. “And so sweet… my sweet girl.” he nips at your skin, and you jump at the sensation. Loki puts his hands on your hips to steady you, bunching your skirts up even more. He then tugs your legs over his shoulders, eyes dark and frenzied. You can feel Loki’s breaths against your core, and you shiver in anticipation.

Loki’s tongue darts out to tease your entrance, already slick. Loki lets his mouth trail up, his tongue briefly circling your clit and making your vision blur. You thread your fingers through his black hair, giving it a sharp tug. Loki lets out a groan in response.

His lips quickly reach your skirts, and in a huff, Loki grabs the bodice of your dress and rips it off you. You let out a gasp at the cold air. The sudden action would have hurt if Loki hadn’t immediately licked a wide stripe up your skin, battling the burn with his skilled tongue. 

“Now you.” You pull at the prince’s shirt. Loki grins, pressing his lips to yours before he spells his clothes away.

“So greedy.” He teases, wedging himself between your legs.

“Only for one thing.” You reach between your bodies and find Loki’s cock, wrapping your hand around it. You give it a few pumps, your gaze never leaving Loki’s. His eyes dip, mouth slightly ajar as you touch him just the way you know he likes, guiding him closer and closer to the edge.

“Not yet.” Loki soon says, his voice strained. He shakes you away, placing a tender kiss to the side of your breast as he lines himself up with your entrance. 

Loki enters you swiftly and all at once, reminding you how perfectly your bodies fit together. You feel a wave of emotion, and as if Loki can read your mind, he takes your hand in his and clutches it.

“I love you.” He tells you. He sounds so proud. You’re still not used to the words - in all honesty, Loki could spend the rest of your lives saying them over and over again, and you would never grow tired of it. You couldn’t think of anything in the Nine Realms that was better than a love confession from Loki. You weren’t sure if you could be convinced such a thing existed.

Loki showers you with these words, and you whisper back praises. You remind him that he’s the only for you, the only one with you, let him know how good he makes you feel. Shame cannot be found in this room, not tonight, as you and Loki allow yourselves the pleasure of saying whatever comes to your minds. Loki tells you he loves you again, and you respond with  _ I know _ , and you mean it. 

Neither of you have the strength or will to stop, your bodies finding their way back to each other each time they separate. You stay up so late into the night it becomes early morning. Loki’s candle burns down to the wick, and fills the room with the smell of smoke. It means nothing to you. You just keep your eyes and hands on Loki as much as you possibly can, because there’s no one there to stop you.

Because you’re  _ lovers _ . And this is what you both want.


	32. So It Goes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Saturdays are always a good day for me here on ao3. I've been particularly excited for this chapter, as I haven't written a long(ish) smut for you guys in awhile (finals and work will r e a l l y get you out of the mood). I hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Have you visited my beta, @ uquroi yet? If not you, you should, because they really do help make this story a possibility. They're so dope. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your continued support. This story gets more love every day, and it truly blows my mind. Thank you<3

“Loki.” you laugh. “That tickles.”

Loki returns your laugh from above you, his soft curls falling over both of your faces and creating an inky curtain. As safe as it makes you feel, the way it brushes your skin makes you giggle. Loki doesn’t seem to mind. He’s towering over you, his hands on either side of your face and bare legs tangled with yours. You can’t even tell where your limbs end and his begin. 

“And yet you love me still.” he tells you. You scrunch your nose, face heating up. You trace the veins of Loki’s hands, eyes meeting Loki’s.

“Obviously.” you whisper. Loki flashes you a viper-like grin, and in the most blissfully agonizing way, he begins to trail kisses from your jawline to your navel, all the way down and back up again. You let out a choked sound when Loki takes one of your breasts in his mouth, tongue licking and flicking over your nipple in a way that makes you instantly keen. Your back arches, and when it does, you feel Loki’s hardened self press into your thigh. You’re instantly driven mad with want, your nails beginning to dig into any bare flesh of Loki you can find. 

Then you let go.

“Loki.” sensing a shift in your tone, Loki stops, looking at you with a perplexed expression on his face. You cover his mouth with your hand, shooting him what you hope is an apologetic glance.

The footsteps of two guards pass your door, and Loki seems to understand then. He stays quiet as you listen for them to retreat.

“They are pushing the borders again… Our hunters claim to have found evidence of a camp of sorts.” one says. Knitting your eyebrows, you try to make out what the guards are saying.

“The Allfather would not keep such a secret from us.” you recognize this voice. It’s Asmund, the captain who was so kind when you went to your parents’. “Or, he would not keep it from his sons. While they remain loyal to their father, I have no doubt they would tell at least us.”

The guards pass your room, and you feel something wet on your hand. You tug it away.

“Did you just lick me?” you ask Loki, wiping your palm on your sheets. The prince’s eyes twinkle. “Gross!”

“You didn’t seem to have any objections when I did so in… other places.” Loki points out, eying your breasts. Despite your best efforts, just the way Loki is looking at you makes that familiar coil in your belly tighten. Knowing this, Loki places a kiss on your hip, working his way closer and closer to your core. Your eyes fall shut, your hand coming to rest on Loki’s head, but you can’t help your nagging thoughts.

“Loki…” you say. “Are there-” Loki bites down on the soft skin of your thigh, making you moan. “Is there a threat to Asgard?”

Loki stops, propping himself on his elbows and letting out a sigh. 

“No. Nothing has been confirmed, so there is no cause for worry.” he reaches out, twirling a lock of your hair around his finger. 

“The guards were talking about Jotuns, weren’t they?” you ask. A look you can’t quite pinpoint the look that dances over Loki’s face, but you know you never want to see it again. It breaks your heart to watch, no matter how soon it’s gone. 

“Do you fear them?” he asks. 

“I told you.” you murmur. “I can’t hate a whole race when I’ve not met even one.”

“That wasn’t what I asked, sweet girl.” Loki tells you with a sad smile.

You sit up, drawing Loki close and brushing your lips over his cheeks, eyelids. You hug him, tightly, and wish you would never have to let go.

“I fear my perception of Jotuns.” you tell him truthfully. 

“I would protect you.” Loki says gravely. “Against any enemy. You never should never worry.”

“I don’t just worry about myself.” you say, looking out your window and over Asgard. You’re still young, young enough there have been no wars in your lifetime. Battles, yes, but war is different. Perhaps that’s why you didn’t completely fear the Jotuns, because you hadn’t been forced to yet. You knew the stories, the nightmarish tales every Asgardian child grows up hearing. You worried about Asgard, every single day. Not just the kingdom’s physical safety, but of their pride. The people were only following the Allfather’s example, but… 

It couldn’t be healthy, blindly following the hatred that had been set. Believing it was Asgard above all else. You weren’t comfortable ranking life forms like that. You believe there could be value in hatred, but not if it was unfounded. 

“I know.” Loki breaks you out of your thoughts. He bumps his nose against yours, and very carefully, takes you in his arms. “What do you want?” he asks. “It’s up to you. It always has been.”

You trace Loki’s sharp edges - jawline, Adam’s apple, collarbone. You do the same to the contour of Loki’s chest, then carefully, slowly, brush your finger over his nipple. 

“You.” you whisper, sick of concerning yourself with problems no one even cares to tell you about. They would be there the next day. “And…” you bite your lip. “All of you. Even what you’re afraid to show me. Do what you want.” Loki’s breath hitches.

“Are you sure?” he asks, the weight of your proposal hanging heavy on him. You nod, catching Loki’s lips in a chaste kiss. 

Loki draws away, keeping one hand on your knee. You see his eyes flash, and you’ve seen that happen enough to know what’s going on. He was casting a spell of sorts. You ask him which one.

“Sound barrier.” he responds. “We won’t hear anyone else, and they won’t hear you.”

Excitement stirs in you when Loki says this. Your mind wanders to illicit places, thinking of all the things Loki could be planning for you. 

You find your mind blank when Loki moves faster than you’ve ever seen, grabbing your body and pushing you face down on your bed. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s rough, knocking the air out of you. Loki leans in close, kissing the sensitive spot behind your ear. 

“Alright, love?” he asks. You’re sort of dazed. You couldn’t lie, your most recent test with Mjolnir had given you confidence in your strength. But this,  _ this _ was like a rude awakening. Perhaps your strength rivaled Asgard’s most prized warrior’s, but his younger brother could still bring you to your knees in an instant.

And you  _ love _ it.

You think of being powerless, completely at Loki’s mercy, and the thought makes you moan. From above you, Loki lets out a chuckle, correctly taking your response as a yes.

“I so rarely get to see this side of you, little one.” he muses. “I intend to make the most of our time.” he taps your hip, once, twice. “On your knees.” he commands. 

Your mouth dries, and for a moment you don’t understand what Loki is asking for. You quickly catch on, and obey him, but you keep your face in your pillows so your ass is in the air. It’s intimidating, at first, but you trust Loki. He’s not going to do anything that you wouldn’t want. 

“You’re so beautiful.”

You look over your shoulder, and Loki’s eyes are running up and down your whole body. They’re hungry, but appreciative as well. His mouth is open, just barely ajar, and Loki watches you. 

“I just need you to know that.” Loki hands begin their journey over your skin, caressing and mapping you out even though he’s done so a million times before. It doesn’t matter, it takes your breath away every time. “So beautiful,” he repeats. 

“Loki.” you say. He catches your eye. “I need you.”

Loki sucks in a breath, raising an eyebrow. “Need me to what?”

“I don’t-” you tense, feeling open and vulnerable and  _ greedy _ . “I don’t know.”

Loki hums, one of his hands beginning to massage your ass. You let out a mewl, and as soon as you do, you feel a sharp smack where Loki’s hand was.

A loud  _ thwack! _ echoes throughout the room, and the skin of your right asscheek begins to burn. You blink, shocked.

Loki spanks you again, and this time, you raise your hips in anticipation. Loki runs a palm over the spot you’re sure is forming a welt.

“Like that?” he asks, and leans forward so you can feel his hardness. You gulp.

“Yes.” you admit. You can’t see Loki, but you know he’s triumphant. 

“We’ll have to explore that more later…” he says, much closer to you now. Loki’s head teases your entrance, and you clench your fists. “You’re so wet already.” Loki reaches an arm around you, playing with your nipple and cupping your breast. He presses open-mouthed kisses to the back of your neck, and you feel yourself getting more and more worked up, and cry building in your throat.

Loki tweaks your nipple between his finger, and you shiver. His fingers are ice cold, unnaturally so. He’s using magic, you know he is, teasing you with the temperature just before it hurts and he chases the feeling away with warm palms. That cry leaves you now, and Loki shivers above you, always eager to hear he’s pleasing you.

“Do you want my cock, little one?” he asks, letting himself drift over your swollen lips.

“Y-yes.” you gasp, every part of your body aching for Loki’s. “Please, Loki.”

Loki places a hand on the back of your neck, holding you against the mattress. You can only see him out of the corner of your eyes, and knowing Loki can see all of you sets your body alight. He gives himself a few strokes and enters you swiftly from this angle. You both let out sinful groans, sounds you know could never be replicated with anyone else. Loki sets a fast pace, thrusting harder each time. The sounds of pants and skin against skin fill the room, your vision beginning to blur. Everything about this is making you see stars, the feeling of being full, the spot deep inside you Loki is managing to hit with each move of his hips…

You’re on the edge when you catch a glimpse of Loki out of the corner of your eye. His head is thrown back, eyes screwed shut and fingers digging bruises into your thighs. The sight of Loki is what makes your orgasm claim you, washing over your bodies in waves as tears slip down your cheeks. Loki comes with a shout soon after, spilling into you. He collapses, and you cuddle up to Loki as soon as he’s next to you. 

He reaches out and wipes the tears from your eyes, slightly concerned. Before he can worry, you press your mouth against his collarbone.

“Okay.” is all you say, all you can muster. “Love you.”

Loki pulls a blanket over you both and wraps his arm around your waist, then relaxes. “I love you, too.”


	33. Empty Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! Happy holidays and I hope you're all doing well. 
> 
> I'm super thrilled to say I have some announcements about this story. As some of you may noticed, I officially have a set amount of chapter numbers. By the time "She Shall Have" ends, it will be made up of thirty-seven (!!!) chapters. This means the last update will be January 23rd, 2021. I will post an epilogue that day as well, but it's really an author's note. I've got some surprises up my sleeve ;)
> 
> This is a MASSIVE chapter, one that kickstarts the final plot point. Buckle up, because it's basically a non-stop ride from here on out. I have been waiting and waiting to post these last five chapters since I wrote the outline for this story back in, like, May. I'm so excited and ready to see what you all think!
> 
> Be sure to show my beta, @ uquroi, some love. They help me so much!
> 
> Oh my gosh I'm so excited. Happy reading!!!

You find yourself missing Loki when you don’t wake up with him next to him. It’s not a melancholic feeling though - it’s a comfortable absence, full of intimacy and anticipation. You never fear Loki won’t return. Not anymore. 

You yawn, glancing at the empty spot in your bed. It’s cold. Smiling slightly, you pull on a dress and your old boots. You make sure the dress covers your shoes though, as Odin’s one eye seemed to weigh especially heavy on you lately. 

As you brush your hair, your reflection stares back at you in the mirror. You gaze at it curiously, leaning forward.

You look older. 

Not in a bad way. You just seem different, maybe even wiser. That made sense. It had been almost a year you and Loki were courting. You’d learned so much, between balancing Loki and Thor, meeting with your parents, seemingly making an enemy of Odin...

You’re about to ponder this more when you realize just how silent everything is. You feel a slight breeze coming from the window. Despite being so small, it’s freezing. You shiver. The hair on the back of your neck stands up, but it’s not just due to the temperature. Something is wrong. It’s too quiet.

You suddenly hear a knocking on your door. It startles you, so sharp and urgent. You stand up, rushing over and opening it.

“Asmund.” You greet your favorite guard. As soon as the door to your room is open, you hear the noises of metal clashing and yells. The head guard grabs your shoulder, his eyes wide. He grips a sword covered in a dark red liquid with his free hand. 

“My lady.” He says. “You must come quickly. We’re under attack.” You blink.

“I - What? By who?” Before you can process what he’s saying, heavy steps quickly approach. Asmund turns his head, and before he can even let you go, a club collides with his chest, shattering his palace armor.

You let out a scream, almost falling as a giant figure reveals itself to you. The creature is at least three feet taller than you, bare chested so its blue skin is on display. It watches you with red eyes, and grins. 

A Jotun. You feel stuck, no weapons or escape. 

“The future queen of Asgard.” The Jotun shakes his weapon, wetness falling from it to the floor. You feel bile rise in your throat. “We’ve heard a lot about you. We aren’t meant to hurt you.” It takes a step forward. “Doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun though.”

You want to take time to be surprised, or rush to save Asmund, but you know better. You snatch one of your bottles of perfume as the creature closes in on you, spraying it as fast as you can into deep red eyes. You’re shocked when he lets out a bellow, squeezing his eyes shut and bending over in pain. You take the opportunity to kick his knee, hearing a sickening noise. You let out a whimper, pain spreading throughout your body. You weren’t prepared for the mass of the Jotun, the shock and motion causing you to crumple on the ground. 

The giant raises his head, breathing heavily. You shrink back, its gaze alone feeling like a blade. He stands, slowly, and clutches his club.

“You… bitch!” he raises the club, and you instinctively raise your arms. Before you can feel the impact, you watch as a single blade erupts through his chest.

The giant blinks, looking at the blade before it disappears from his torso. He drops to his knees, looking at you one last time before he falls completely. 

You look at your savior, wiping jotun blood off the sword and making their way towards you.

“Sif.” you breathe. She offers you a hand, which you take. “What’s going on?”

“We’re under siege. The frost giants have been pushing our defenses closer and closer.” Sif sighs. “They came this morning with numbers we never expected.”

“Are the people okay?” you grab her arm. “The kingdom?”

“The villages were left relatively untouched. They came straight for the palace. Listen-” she begins walking towards the door. “You have to get to the throne room. The royal family is waiting.”

“I can’t -” you pass Asmund’s body. “Sif, we can’t leave…”

You look around you. Asmond’s body isn’t the only one lying slumped on the palace floor. You see maids, stable boys. The walls are stained as moans echo off them. Tears begin to fill your eyes. You stop.

“I can’t leave all these people.” you look at Sif. “You have to help me carry them, I know there’s somewhere we can-”

“No.” Sif grabs you again, tugging you towards the throne room. “I have to get you to safety.”

“Stop!” you say forcefully. Sif falters. She grits her teeth.

“Look.” She leans towards you, talking lowly next to your ear. “I know this must be a lot to see, but we have to keep moving. Our forces are close to driving the frost giants off. You need to stay safe until then.”

“I can’t leave these people!” you exclaim. You hear growls from around the corner behind you.

“Not even Jotuns will bother with those already fallen.” Sif places a hand against your cheek. “If there is anyone the staff is willing to forgive or lay their lives down for, it is you. Do not take it personally. You give everyone hope. On the kingdom’s behalf, I beg you not to take it away.”

You look Sif in the eyes, and take a shaky breath. 

“Okay.” you say, and gather up your skirts to run. Sif keeps up with you in stride, throwing glances over her shoulder all the way. There’s four, four creatures chasing you. They’re large, one of their steps equal to at least four of yours. They’re right on your heels as Sif throws open the doors to the throne room and shoves you inside. 

You fall to your knees, and Thor is instantly at your side to help you up. You pay him almost no mind, turning back just in time to see Sif be tossed aside by a Jotun as Loki shuts and seals the doors.

“No!” you run towards Loki, and he catches you around the waist before you can leave again. 

“Stop.” he commands. “Are you mad?”

“We can’t leave her! We can’t leave everyone!” you look at Thor, Odin, and Frigga before you. They stand scattered around the room, each with a worried look on their faces. You take a shaky breath.

“Thor.” You go towards him, taking him by the shoulders. “That’s your friend. Surely you won’t abandon her? Where is that love of battle you boast of so often?” you look at Odin. “Where is the king protecting his people?”

“Hold your tongue!” Odin spits. “Insolent girl.”

“Father is weakened by the Odinsleep.” Loki appears behind you, placing a hand between your shoulder blades. A banging sounds on the doors. “Thor and I are here to protect you.”

“Over your subjects?” you shake your head. “This isn’t right. All of us being the only safe ones.” the banging gets louder. Loki turns his head.

“I wouldn’t say we’re safe yet,” he says. His irises begin to glow a familiar green, clouds of mist beginning to curl at your feet. “Father, keep Mother away from this all.” you can hear the door about to give in. Your heart begins to pound again. “Listen.” Loki begins to whisper. “You have nothing to fear. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“My lady.” Thor pulls you back, Mjolnir in his hand. “Stay behind me.”

“Thor-” 

“I won’t argue with you right now.” He stares down at you. “I know this must be hard. But just… survive now, yell at me later. Okay?” he gives you a tight nod. 

“I need a weapon to make such promises.” Thor places a hand on you.

“You won’t need one.”

The doors burst open, and with Loki’s fog heavy, you can barely see the outline of the Jotuns that rush the room. You think you count five, but between the mist and Thor’s large frame, you can’t be sure of anything. 

You worry about Loki, but you can hear him - daggers clashing, sharp bouts of laughter. Thor keeps you squarely behind him, not allowing you to leave his side. 

It starts with just two Jotuns attacking him, but a third soon appears. You cower, not even a perfume bottle at your reach this time. Thor yells your name, but the two monsters descend on him and the third makes its way towards you.

It raises a large arm, swinging an ax your way. You duck, and in your lowered state, you kick out a foot. It catches the Jotun’s ankle, and with all your might, you pull, the giant falling to the floor in front of you. Wasting no time, you rush to its head and bring your elbow down to its face with a yell, colliding with its nose.

You stumble to your feet, backing away as your chest heaves. You feel your back hit something, and whirl around in terror.

“Impressive.” Loki says, looking behind you. You throw your arms around his shoulders, though you’re quickly shaken off. “Take this.” He presses one of his daggers into your hand. “And don’t leave my side, so long as - Look out!” Loki shoves you away, just in time for you to miss the blunt end of a Jotun’s weapon. 

You watch in horror and let out a bloodcurdling scream as Loki is thrown into the wall, a horrible crack echoing off the walls. The moment Loki collides with the surface, his mist lifts. You yell his name, but the prince doesn’t get up. You begin to feel true fear set in, instinctively running towards Loki.

The Jotun notices you, turning around and making a huffing noise. You stop.

You look around, at fallen thrones and bodies bent at unnatural angles. Odin and Frigga are nowhere to be found. Thor lays pinned to the ground, his face bloody and legs kicking. Loki remains motionless.

The Jotun begins to charge, and you realize you’re alone. You look at the dagger Loki gave you, at its crested hilt and silver steel. It’s a beautiful weapon.

But it’s not going to save you.

You meet the Jotun’s eyes, letting the dagger fall from your grasp. It lands with a clang on the floor, sounding like an act of defeat.

You’re shaking, your whole body is, but you take a deep breath. You think of Loki, his kind words and cruel temper. You think of Thor, warm and stupid in his ignorance. You think of Odin and his wife, the rulers who are nowhere to be found.

You think of all these things, lifting your arm and opening your palm. Everything, everything you have ever experienced runs through your mind.

Above all else, you think,  _ Mjolnir _ . 

And you don’t have to think twice. 

The hammer is in your hand the moment you will it, just before the Jotun reaches you. You grip it and swing it forward with a cry, hitting the Jotun across the face. It roars, a sound that hurts your ears. Still, you don’t falter. Your foe is sent far away from you, sliding across the room and collapsing.

You let out a breath. Your head feels light, and the tighter you grip Mjolnir, the more you taste iron. You look at the weapon, somehow thinking it would give you an answer. 

It says nothing, awaiting your next command. Before you can give it one, you hear your name. 

You turn around, and Loki is there. His forehead is bleeding, and he’s clutching his side, but he’s reaching towards you. You rush towards him, tucking your head under his chin. Loki holds you close.

You pull away, swallowing as you watch Loki. You run your hand over his wound, place it over his own hand that nurses his ribs. You let out a nervous laugh.

You don’t know who starts the kiss, but you know it’s born out of need. You’re pulled into each other, grasping and gripping and touching in an attempt to assure the other. Loki’s mouth is so warm and comforting, yet his body is cold, the feeling blooming everywhere his own skin touches yours. You pour every bit of fear and relief into your embrace, bringing Loki in closer and closer to you.

“Brother?” you hear. You pull away. Thor stands in the ruins of the throne room, Jotuns discarded and defeated. He’s not the only one watching. Odin and Frigga stand tall as ever as they look at you and Loki. Thor clenches his jaw. “What’s going on?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean... yeah.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, especially for big chapters like this! You can also always visit me and chat on my tumblr, thelokiimaginechronicles!
> 
> See you next week <3


	34. Angels Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2021 treats all y'all better than 2020 did. Our problems won't magically disappear but... Hey, it's still nice to have the year over.
> 
> This is a bit of a short chapter, but I promise, if you read it hard enough, it's jam-packed with characterization and (dare I say it) foreshadowing. The last three chapters are long though! <3 I am SO EXCITED for these last chapters, you guys have no idea. Ahhhh!
> 
> Be sure to give my beta, @ uquroi on ao3, a visit. Otherwise, happy reading!

“Stay here.” Loki hisses, sitting you down on your bed. You place your hand on the sheets, clenching them. Loki had whisked you away so fast, you were struggling to get your bearings. 

“I won’t let you face them alone.” You stand, grabbing Loki’s hand. You catch his eyes, bringing his palm to your lips in a quick kiss. “I can’t let you.”

Loki closes his eyes, pulling you close to him and placing his lips against your forehead.

“I never want to be apart from you.” He murmurs. Loki tugs away, taking your face in his hands. He looks at you wistfully, and lets his lips fall against your nose, your jaw, the corners of your eyes. He sighs. “But I can’t let you come. My father is too proud. You have to stay.” Loki catches your lips with his. “Promise me,” he breathes. “Promise you’ll stay. Please.”

You gaze into Loki’s eyes, and slowly, you nod. “Okay,” you say. “I promise.”

Loki leaves you then, his hand holding yours until he’s too far to do so. He shuts the door behind him, and it locks. Somehow, you know Loki’s enchanted it.

~

“What did they say?” You ask when he returns. Loki looks tired, limp and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Tell me.” You place your hands on his waist. “Please, Loki.”

Loki traces your jawline, and you turn your face to press a kiss to the pad of his thumb. Loki sighs, his face falling.

“You’re to be tested. Tomorrow. To prove you’re still worthy of Mjolnir.” You let out a confused breath.

“But I just took the test, and I used Mjolnir in-”

“I know!” Loki snaps. You shrink back. He rubs his brow. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, reaching towards you. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me, love.” Loki draws you into his chest, and despite his outburst, you nestle into him. “I want you to know everything will be fine.” Loki tells you seriously. He pulls away so he can look you in the eyes, and you almost tremble. His eyes are dark, almost frenzied. “I have a plan. You’ll be safe, and we’ll be together. I promise you.” 

Loki presses his mouth to yours, wrapping one hand around your waist and placing the other on your hip. He presses his body against yours, holding you so tight you almost can’t breathe.

Your eyes dip back as you thread Loki’s curls through your fingers. You place one hand on his chest - You always do. Loki heartbeat never fails to ground you, reminding you where you are and who you’re with.

Loki is so reassuring. You don’t know what it would take for him to break your trust. 

You follow Loki as he pulls away, asking for more, asking for him. But he shakes his head silently, stepping away.

“I have to go.” He says. “We can’t be around each other right now, little one.”

“But-”

“My father sees everything. I’m trying to protect you. I…” Loki steps forward, pressing one last kiss to your neck. “I love you, sweet girl. I love you so much. I’ll be there, tomorrow, I’ll make sure of it. I love you.” Loki’s confessions, though you’ve heard them plenty of times by now, warm your chest. Nodding, you step back.

“Okay.” You say. “I understand. I love you too, Loki.”

Loki gives you a small smile, his eyes wet. As he leaves your room, you wonder if they were tears of sorrow or anger.

You don’t have much time to think about this. There’s a knock on the door. You rush to it, foolishly thinking it’s Loki.

But it’s not. Of course it’s not. 

“Thor.” You say. You drop to a curtsy. 

Thor says nothing, pushing his way past you and shutting the door behind him. It takes you by surprise. Thor had never acted this way around you. You begin to feel anxious. 

“Lady Sif is alright.” Thor says. You blink. “I thought you would like to know. She’s making a swift recovery as we speak.”

“Oh.” You nod. “That’s… I am thankful to hear that.”

“There were very few casualties.” Thor continues. 

“What of Asmund?” You remember the way his body was violently thrown away. You clench a fist. 

“Who?” Thor asks.

“Asmund.” You repeat. “Head of the guards. He is a good man.” Thor looks away.

“I am sorry.” He says. Your stomach drops. 

You sit on the chair near your vanity, hand over your mouth. You didn’t know Asmund well, but… He was a good leader. Kind, as kind as someone in his position could be to you. 

A heavy hand lands on your shoulder, and you look up. Thor stares back at you with a distant look on his face.

“His death will not go unpunished. I can assure you of that.” He says evenly. 

“I,” you clear your throat. “Is that why you came here, your majesty?”

“No.” Thor lets out a sigh. “I’m sure Loki has told you by now, but you’re to be tested tomorrow. I came to wish you good luck.” Thor gives your shoulder a squeeze. “I do not know what to predict. I simply wanted to… Tell you that. I’ll be going now.”

Thor doesn’t seem angry, but he is curt, and you don’t know what to make of that. You stand as he makes his way towards the door. 

“I want you to know,” he faces you once more. “That I am not angry at you. But… you have broken my heart. You and Loki both.” He gives you a sad smile. “Over this past year, I’ve become more and more confident in your ability to be queen. I hope you still get to be.”

You fall to your knees when Thor leaves, sobbing in his absence. There’s so many things going on, you can’t even decipher which is causing you dismay. 


	35. Good Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it... After this there's only t w o chapters left!! How are y'all feeling?
> 
> I'm not even going to say much here. Be sure to go say hi to my beta, @ uquroi, and if you want to visit me on tumblr, I'm over there @ thelokiimaginechronicles. 
> 
> As always, happy reading, and let me know what you think!

It’s different this time.

Before, it was only a nagging feeling. You were only paranoid that Odin didn’t look at you in good favor, and that was all. It was an unfounded worry. 

But now, as you stare down at Mjolnir, all eyes - Odin, Frigga, Thor, Loki - on you, you knew.

Odin wanted you to fail. He always had. But now he had no reason to hide it. 

There are more guards in the room than normal, six by your count. There were probably more guarding the doorways. You wondered what they would do if you neglected to pick up Mjolnir. Would they attack? Look at you with pity? You honestly had no idea.

Usually by now, you would be scared. Shaking as you bent down and wrapped your hand around Mjolnir’s leather-bound handle.

But you’re not today.

For once, you have the utmost confidence in yourself and who you are. You have spent this whole year trying to please everyone you came across. You treated your worst enemies with kindness, extended olive branches at every opportunity that presented itself. You had done your best with the best of intentions. 

You knew Mjolnir wouldn’t fail you now. 

You bend your knees, sinking to the floor to take Mjolnir in your fist. It feels familiar, especially after you used it on the Jotun. 

You take a deep breath, and like you’ve done so many times before, you pull.

Time slows, it practically freezes in that moment. Because something happens that never had before.

The hammer doesn’t budge. 

You blink in confusion, your stomach clenching. You tug again, then again with both hands. 

You can’t lift it. 

“What…” tears fill your eyes, threatening to spill over as you look to the royal family. Frigga won’t meet your eyes, while her sons are all too eager to. Thor looks confused, hurt, while Loki’s jaw is set as he seethes.

Odin watches, triumphant. “Seize her.” He says cooly.

You spin around as the guards who have known you for ten years surround you. They grab your shoulders, your biceps, hands, rendering you useless. You do nothing, limp at the realization of what’s happened. Of what’s just begun. You’re being dragged away when you hear your name echo around the room.

“Call.” Frigga says. She’s her breath shakes, guilt weighing her features. She leans forward on her throne. “Call for it. Call Mjolnir.”

You don’t understand, you don’t understand anything that’s going on, so you listen blindly. You open your hand, the guards allowing you. One of them catches your eye, and nods. He releases your shoulder, leaning in towards you to whisper in your ear.

“Asmund always believed in you.”

It’s enough: You will Mjolnir to you, mentally screaming its name in your head. You recall the taste of iron, the feel of the Jotun’s jaw shattering based on your blow. You summon Mjolnir in all its might, begging it to aid your own.

And it comes. 

It’s not the hammer that lies motionless in the middle of the room. You don’t know where the real weapon was, but it comes when you call, crashing through doors and walls and anything else in your way. It lands squarely in your hand, and in the distance, you hear a crack of thunder.

All of the guards have released you now, and you walk towards Odin, energy crackling around you for every step.

“Still worthy.” You breathe. You look Odin in the eye. “You gave me a fake test.”

Odin abruptly stands, clenching his staff and pointing it at you. 

“Stop!” He bellows. You don’t.

“By your own standards, I am still worthy of Mjolnir,” you tell him. “Where is the Allfather who helped create Mjolnir? Where is the king who was so valiant?” 

“Silence.” He yells. 

“You lied to me.” You stop in front of the thrones. You’re bristling, so angry at Odin. Angry for yourself, locked away and fed half truths for most of your life. Angry for Loki, always treated as second best. Angry for Thor, who like you, was never asked what he truly wanted. 

You approach Thor, and silently, you hand him Mjolnir. He watches you with a look you haven’t seen him wear before. You wish you could decipher it, but you can’t. You don’t know Thor.

“I do love you.” You say as he accepts the hammer. Thor smiles sadly. You embrace him, allowing yourself to be crushed by the God of Thunder’s hug. You pull away, and finally tell Thor what you’ve been holding back all this time. “It’s just not the type of love I was supposed to give you.”

“I know.” Thor nods. He steps aside, letting you make your way to Loki. You take Loki’s hand. He watches you cooly, almost as if he’s bored. But it’s just his defenses. Unknown to his family, Loki squeezes your hand. 

“I yield to you, Allfather,” you say, never taking your eyes off Loki. “The will of Frigga and her sons are clear. I hope you make the right choice.” You trace Loki’s ring finger. “I have faith you will.”

Odin stands tall, watching his family, you, the guards. The grip he holds on his staff loosens. 

“I know Thor will make a great king,” he says, “and despite the shortcomings I see in you, I recognize you have made yourself a favorite in the palace and kingdom.” He clears his throat. “You and Thor will still be married. And to put an end to you and my other son-” Odin’s eye narrows. “The wedding will be tomorrow.”


	36. In the End of All Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it. Second to last chapter. How are y'all feeling about that?
> 
> I will say, I think you'll like this one quite a bit. And it doesn't leave off on as much as a cliff hanger as the others, so maybe that means something too! I can't believe we only have one more week of this story after this. It feels so surreal to me.
> 
> My beta @ uquroi helped me out on this project, of course. Be sure to pay them a lil visit!
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos mean so much to me. Be sure to tell me what you think - and tell me your predictions if you got 'em, because this is the last week you can theorize :')
> 
> Happy reading~

“What?” You ask. Your voice wavers. “But you can’t-”

“Father.” Thor cuts you off. “This is cruel. There are ways to remedy this.”

“Wrong. My own family,” the Allfather bares his teeth at Frigga. “has plotted against me. My ward sneaks around with my younger son, who had but one woman in all of Asgard off limits to him. And I meant to believe this is a coincidence?” 

“I will not listen to you-” Loki steps forward, but Odin swings his staff at him.

“And  _ you _ have managed to worm your way into Thor’s head, convince him there is some type of sanctity in this.” Odin straightens, pulling away from Loki, who gulps. “When there is none. I am still king, and this is my decree.” Odin looks at you. “You and Loki are forbidden from having any contact. Should I see so much as anything more than a nod in passing, I will banish Loki for treason. Do you understand?”

“This is wrong!” Thor bellows. 

“Then we are in agreement.” Odin says. “Leave. All of you.”

You’re only vaguely aware of leaving the throne room. A hand tugs on your own while another rests on your waist, guiding you through the shock. They’re Loki’s hands, of course they are, but you only seem to notice once the both of you are in your room.

You blink. You wish you were in Loki’s.

The mattress bends under you as Loki sits down. You both sit, perfect posture and you face forward, not daring to even steal a glance at one another. 

“I-” You say, but stop. Loki wordlessly takes your hand. 

You didn’t understand.

Frigga, Thor, Loki - All those Odin claimed to hold dear didn’t want this. You didn’t want this. Wasn’t that enough? 

After ten _ fucking _ years of subservience, were you not owed at least one shred of decency?

“You’re good.” Loki says. You sniff. 

“What?”

“You’re good.” Loki repeats, turning to face you. “And I’m constantly in awe of it. I’ve known you half your life, and you still manage to impress me every waking day.” You meet Loki’s eyes, and he places a hand on the side of your neck. “I’ll take care of this.” He breathes. “I won’t let you get hurt. Just trust me, sweet girl.”

You wrap your arms around Loki’s waist. He looks so solemn. You hated that he was put in this position, that there was nothing you could do about. All the intelligence in all the Nine Realms, all the level-headedness could not find a solution to this.

Not a moral one, at least.

You lean forward, and let Loki take you. He presses his lips to yours, pushing you into the pillows. Loki lets his hands trail over the inside of your thighs - they feel softer than usual. You wonder if it's just the moment and fear that makes you think so.

Freeing himself and gathering your shirts around your waist, Loki slides into you with ease, because he  _ knows _ you. He knows this, your body, your wants and needs. Even when Loki thinks he knows better than you, even when you’re stubborn, the two of you always end up here. 

You don’t even notice when your clothes have been shed and Loki’s skin is on yours, that’s how familiar this is. You don’t want it to ever be anything else. The idea of Loki and his love being something even remotely absent makes you feel sick. 

You gasp into Loki’s neck, eyes shut tight as you try to only think about him.

“Loki,” you thread your fingers through his hair, giving his scalp the tiniest of scratches. He moans, a more high-pitched noise than you’ve heard him make before. He shudders against you. “Come for me.” You let your hands travel from Loki’s shoulders to his ass, tracing the curve and pulling him deeper inside you. “Please, Loki.”

Loki stifles a cry, and listens to you. His grip tightens on your hips, and he looks so graceful as he takes his pleasure. Loki gasps for breath as he spills inside you, warm and willing. You watch Loki come down from his high before you find yourself following suit, clutching Loki and leaving shapes of half-moons on his back. 

A strangled noise escapes the back of your throat when Loki pulls out of you. You inch towards him, and Loki holds you as the sun sets. It feels like a betrayal, knowing when it rises you and Loki have to leave.

“Be good, sweet girl.” Loki whispers, tugging blankets over your bodies. “Don’t fret. I will keep us safe.”


	37. When All Your Heroes Get Tired, I'll Be Something Better Yet

When you wake up the next morning, the remnants of Loki are all over you.

You smell like him, the heavy scent of pleasure and desperation in the air. Your bed still shows the outline of his body. His words are still in your ear.

_ “I’ll take care of this,” _ you remember him telling you. _ “I won’t let you get hurt. Just trust me.” _

You did trust Loki. But you were tired of being kept in the dark. 

The maids come in early, just a couple minutes after you wake up. They sit you down, paint your face to exaggerate your features. One of them snags a knot as she runs her fingers through your hair - it reminds you of Alva’s heavy hand. You would have never thought you could look back on your time with her and  reminisce about how simple it was.

You’re dressed in a gorgeous gown, white with lace and gold accents. In place of a veil, the maids place a crown on your head.  _ To remind Asgard of what’s to come, _ you think.  _ Let them view me as a queen before I’m even crowned.  _

You do want to be queen. But not like this. 

It’s a whirlwind, you’re ready and standing outside the doors of the celebration hall all too fast. You can hear the bustle of excitement, the people ready to see their prince married. You wonder if Thor is standing in front of them all, dressed up and hiding his nerves just as you were.

This wasn’t what you wanted. Either of you.

You recall the ball that was held here, when you danced with Loki. It felt so long ago. How could you both have been so open? 

Loki had taken you to bed for the first time that night. Now you weren’t sure if you would ever feel him again.

As you’re waiting, you see a flash of color above you. There’s a set of stairs that lead to the room’s upper level. To your knowledge, no one was supposed to be there.

But you would recognize that forest-green hue anywhere. 

You gather your skirts and run up the stairs, as fast as you can while making no sound. You’re surprised Odin hasn’t placed guards or servants around to keep an eye on you, but you have to count your blessings. You won’t fight the few things going in your favor.

“Loki?” You ask, rounding the corner. 

He’s there, your lover, in all his glory. He’s peering through the gossamer curtain and over the railing, watching the people below. When he hears your voice, his attention turns toward you.

You rush to each other, and Loki holds you tightly in his arms as you press your lips to his. He’s so gentle, but so firm, giving you the exact treatment you need right now. If he was too affectionate, you would lose control. Break down and sob in his arms, above your own wedding celebration. 

“Are you alright?” He asks when you pull away. He leaves you breathless, just like he always does. Loki’s mouth is red. Lipstick. You reach forward, rub it away. You don’t know if you’ve ever kissed him with it on.

“No.” You shake your head. “Of course not, I can’t,” a lump begins to form in your throat. “I don’t want to do this.”

It’s ten years. Ten years of stress and pressure and holding your tongue. You begin to crack, falling to your knees and clutching at Loki. You don’t want this. It’s happening. You don’t know how to stop it.

“Sssshhh.” Loki shushes you, combing his fingers through your hair. “Look at me, sweet girl.” He tilts your chin up, wiping away the stray tears that are rolling down your cheeks. “I told you I have a plan.”

Loki stands, beckoning you to follow him. Almost unknowingly, you do. He pulls back the curtain, and you can see the celebration clearly now, making out bodies as opposed to simple outlines. 

Something is wrong. 

“Loki?” You ask. “Are those-”

“Jotuns.” He nods. “Just listen, sweet, listen.” You peer closer. The Jotuns are hidden, only visible from your high vantage point. There’s seven, you think, but there could be more.

You’re so confused. 

“What’s going on?” You ask. “We have to let them all know - they’re in danger, Loki, and-”

“Ssshh.” Loki says again, taking your now trembling hands in his. “It’s alright. I let them in. This is it, love, this is how we make it.” You look at Loki, unable to wrap your head around what he just said. He couldn’t mean that. There was no way, no way that he did.

But then you think back to the Jotun’s siege, what the Jotun who had slain Asmund said to you. 

_ “We’ve heard a lot about you. We aren’t meant to hurt you.” _

“The attack on the castle.” You gasp. “Loki, it couldn’t have been…” you back away, running your hands through your hair. You pull a few strands out, but the crown on your head stays intact. 

“Yes,” he admits, taking a step towards you. “I know I should have told you about this sooner, but I-” Loki curses, stress getting the better of him. “My father is hiding something about the Jotuns. They don’t… trust me, exactly, but they hesitate when I’m around. It is another lie, another truth my father is concealing from me. From us.” He waves his hand at the people below you. “This is our way out. We can go, far away from here. Just you and I.”

Just you and Loki.

You think about a life like that. A life that was just like your nights with Loki, your back arched as you call out each other’s names. No forbidden glances, guilt over being in love. Just pure bliss, for the rest of your time together. 

And you think about Asgard. Everyone who was counting on you to lead it. Thor. Frigga. Sif. Asmund. The guards in the throne room, who released you so you could summon Mjolnir after Odin’s false test. 

“Odin shrouds us in lies.” You say in a daze. 

“Yes.” Loki takes your face in his hands, nodding at you. “You deserve more, so much more. It pains me to see you promised to anyone but me. Anyone but yourself. Your parents, Thor, the kingdom. You owe them nothing. I am so, so sorry you have been made to think you do.”

“But they deserve more, too.” You argue. “Asgard cannot grow if Odin never leaves the throne.”

“That weight does not fall to your shoulders.” Loki says gently. “You have spent too many years being demanded that it does.”

“Loki.” You break away. “I just don’t think this is, I mean, not everyone is guilty!”

“Please, sweet girl, don’t be fickle with me now.” Loki reaches a hand out towards you. “Do you love me?”

“Yes.” Your answer is immediate. It always is.

“And I love you.” Loki’s voice is soft. “So come, please. The Jotuns will take care of all of this, ensure there is no one to follow us. A small price to pay for a simple entry to Asgard.” Loki’s eyes are kind when they fall on you, but they don’t seem like the ones you’ve grown so accustomed to. “And we can go. Be free of all this.”

You have a decision to make. 

Head or heart.

Loki’s palm remains outstretched, beckoning you to him. Your love, your solace, he’s asking you. Begging, if you know where to look. 

Head or heart.

The people of Asgard dance below, laughing and grinning and waiting for you. You see Thor standing in front of them, nervous and forlorn. 

You wonder how many casualties there would be. How many there already have been.

“Come along now.” An edge begins to set into Loki’s voice. “There’s no need to draw this out, little one. Come here.”

Head or heart. 

_ Head or heart. _

You look at Loki one last time.

Then you make your decision.


	38. Author's Note

Hi everyone. 

I’m honestly shocked. This was my first Loki multichapter, and the first work on ao3 I consistently worked on. There is no way for me to express my thanks and gratitude to anyone who has read this fic, let alone those who left kudos or comments. It sounds corny, but this has truly been a journey for me.

I know some people may be confused at the ending. In a way, that was my intention. It’s open-ended. You as the readers get to decide if you chose Loki or Asgard. I left implications throughout the chapter (and its title) as to what path I think she took, but ultimately, it is up to you. What do you think happened? I’d love to hear it. I’d love to hear how you feel about the ending in general. Please let me know your thoughts!!!

I wanted to make an ending that was realistic to the story, Loki’s character (remember, this IS pre… everything. The wedding celebration takes the place of Thor’s almost coronation in the Marvel timeline), and the reader. I know this was a particularly intense and surprising ending. I alluded to every aspect though - a lot of you picked up on those along the way, and that was so fun to watch.

I love how  _ She Shall Have _ ended, but I know not everyone will feel the same way. And so, I made a peace offering of sorts.

Ever since chapter 12, all of the chapter titles have been songs. I chose these songs with my dope beta ( [uquroi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uquroi) ), and we made them into a playlist for all of you. 

_[Here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0KhrnFk9fDjoFkLyCg6Q6G) _ is the link. The playlist is called “When She Had.”

These were chosen to fit not only the mood of each chapter, but the story overall. There was an anonymous ask once on my tumblr,  [ _ thelokiimaginechronicles _ ](https://thelokiimaginechronicles.tumblr.com/) , who asked me to assign a song to  _ She Shall Have _ . I panicked a bit, because I was secretly compiling a playlist! To that anon, I’m sorry I lied and said I had no idea (also,  _ Illicit Affairs _ by Taylor Swift). 

For anyone interested, I have two other ongoing multichapters here on ao3. One is a professor! Loki AU called  [ _ A Study In Suit _ ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27468259/chapters/67157509) . The other is another Loki x reader that takes place on Asgard, and it’s called  [ _ The Archetype _ ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675467/chapters/70298496) . I don’t want to spoil anything, but in lieu of your trust in me possibly being shaken, I’m telling you right now both will have happy endings. 

Again, thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this story. I started writing it in 2019 over on tumblr, and I never would have thought this is where it would take me. 

I had a blast. I hope you all did too. 

Xxx,

lowkeyorloki


End file.
